GH: Night Shift Episode 10 - "Falling Star"

This week's Night Shift was another hour of my life wasted, technically it was more like 38 minutes (thank you fast forward button inventor!). Anyone have his address? I should really send him some flowers. Alright, so I'll start criticizing, I mean critiquing in a moment, but first, I am actually going to give out a compliment - please try to contain your shock.

This week's random GH guest star was Diane and while I was pleased with her performance, I want to take this time to point out that the powers that instead of wasting airtime on all these NS and GH newbies, they could saved time and money by using deserving vets that play existing character who actually work at the hospital. For example, how about Monica? I think it's safe to say she knows her way around the hospital, wouldn't you?

Okay, so Diane was brought in by Jason to help out Robin with legal baby issues. Anna's real father, a creep by the way, showed up and wants to claim his daughter. Something about this guy seems off, perhaps the fact that
a) He said he didn't want kids, yet here he is
b)Stacey didn't tell him she was pregnant
c)Anna's inheriting some money that could go to him
Then again, it could just be the actor because if it's one thing this show hasn't been lacking, it's creepy actors. Anywho, Robin was trying to find a way to be a part of Anna's life which we know won't happen because noone on GH ever gets what they deserve (good or bad). I was glad to see Diane because it was nice to have someone who actually seems to be on Robin's side.

After she apologetically said there was nothing she could do, she got up to leave and as the camera pans over, I spot Epiphany. I think to myself that her and Diane have never shared scenes and it would probably be interesting because they're both so opinionated and then BAM! It's like someone ACTUALLY listened to me because then it happened. Apparently fashion isn't the only thing Diane is all fangurly about. She caught sight of Mr. Dubois and recognized him as a former singer for the Saints and then this went down:

Diane: OMG! I'm like your biggest fan!
Toussaint: :::what the hell kind of lawyer comes to the hospital in the middle of the night?:::

Epiphany: :::What is that bitch doing talking to my man?:::
Um, just what do you think you are doing? Can't you see he's busy?


Toussaint: :::Uh oh:::
Jason: :::Oh s&@#! Here we go:::

Diane: Now listen here girlfriend, I am just as big a fan as you are and I can talk to Mr. Dubois all night if I want to. (seriously, she was doing the "uh uh girlfriend" head bob and finger wave)

Epiphany: Oh girl, I know you didn't just talk back to me in MY hospital.

Epiphany: Now you listen here...

Diane: Excuse me...

(indistinguishable yelling while Jason scurries to the nearest exit)

::More yelling:::

Okay, so maybe I took some artistic liberties with the dialogue, but you get the idea. It was a sup rising dose of hilariousness which was good considering the theme of the night was awkward and painful. Just what does that mean you ask? Well I'll tell you.

Exhibit A: Spinelli having sex with Jolene. No, I did not make that up. How twisted do you think I am? Spinelli caught Jolene trying to sneak into a room and to cover, she started going on and on about how she liked Spinelli, but she couldn't say anything because he was a patient and it was inappropriate and some other lame lie (what kind of a spy is she?). Then she drug him into OR 4, (the one that no one likes as Spinelli informed us for the umpteenth time) and awkwardly started making out. It wasn't graphic, but the mere suggestion has left me scarred for life. You think I can sue the GH execs for all of the emotional damage this show has caused me and thousands like me? I should look into that.

Regina coping with her abortion was awkward too. Lupe, the pregnant girl (wow, this wasn't a popular theme was it?) a couple episodes ago came in and had her baby. Her boyfriend and two friends showed up and manhandled Kelly. I didn't see the purpose (not that NS has a purpose except to raise blood pressures of soap fans everywhere) until Jason swooped in and with an assist from Cody, saved the day. I think Jason should just quit the mob and become a full-time superhero. Can't you see him in a pair of tights and a cape? Hee!

After Jason mopped the floor with those guys (hah! pun!) Kelly delivered Lupe's baby and Regina was supposed to be helping, but instead her distracted state of mind caused her to mess up royally and get put on probation because of her mistake. I'm not at all trying to down play the serious emotional repercussions of an abortion, like all of the other newbies, I feel nothing for Regina. It's not because they're new, it's because their backstories were explained in 2 seconds flat.

Later on, Leo overhears Regina's problems and then tries to cheer her up by letting her help out with some cases despite her probation. I can't tell if it's because Leo knows what it's like to screw up or if someone behind the scenes thought "Hey, let's put these two in a relationship. This week they'll talk, next week they'll sleep together, the following week, they'll break up. Great idea fellas! Let's cram as much crap as we can into the remaining three episodes no matter how ridiculous it seems. High five!"

Sorry, I drifted. Where was I? Ah yes. Nothing says awkward quite like climbing on top of the nurses' station in your skivvies and yelling wildly at your co-workers. In case you were wondering, this was Kelly's reaction to Ford and Col. Sanders telling her that Pablo's suit was being dropped because it was settled out of court. She was pissed that everyone believed Pablo's story and that Col. Sanders basically called her a slut. Throwing the nearly naked tantrum was her dealing with that and it was quite amusing until her hysterics ended in her collapsing into sobs. Andy was nearby and stepped in by throwing his lab coat over her and ushering her away. It was rather touching and I think they could be a cute couple, if this show didn't have such bad writing. In the following heart-to-heart scene, Kelly said she can't remember the last time she enjoyed sex (remember she recently slept with Andy so, ouch!) and that sex with random guys is a rush because it's the only time she feels in control or something. That talk, in a word - awkward.

After helping chase off the bad guys, Cody made a pit stop in Mr. Winters' room and the audience learned that the Alzheimer patient is only being kept alive by machines and that he's probably going to be shipped to County. With as much crap that's gone on at GH, is County really that bad? I mean who could it be worse than a hospital that has a murdering nurse on the loose? I digress. When Lainey spotted Cody, she just wrote him a prescription so he'd go away (inappropriate!) and at Cody's response was to react offended. Lainey realized he really did want to know about her dad's condition so she filled him in and he points out that the ventilators isn't what her father would have wanted which, judging by the previews, will be addressed next week.

Perhaps the most awkward interaction of the night was with Patrick and his latest favorite nurse. Here's the weird thing, I accused Leyla of coming onto Patrick last week, and she did, but this week, she was backing off and he was initiating things with her. What's worse was some of the stuff he was saying to her was a summary of things he's said to Robin in the past. Party foul, writers! Party foul! That was definitely hitting below the belt. But wait, it gets better.

By the end of the show, Leyla's changed her mind about keeping her distance from Patrick and the two of them are making out and heading for where Spinelli was headed earlier in the evening with Jolene. Thankfully, someone had mercy and the audience did not have to see that act come to fruition because the camera cut to Toussaint collapsing (falling star, get it?) and Epiphany yelling to page Dr. Drake. I've never been more happy to see a soap character faint in my life.

Night Shift Patrick is permanently on my list and this week sealed the deal. As if those vomit-worthy scenes weren't annoying enough, in the previews, Patrick is yelling at Robin something to the effect of "...taking it out on her because I'm sleeping with her." Um, say what? Wow, nothing says I'll love you forever like taking less than one week to move on from the so-called love of your life. I would expect this from old Patrick, but not from the guy who has matured so much emotionally in the last 2 years. I just don't understand why GH execs thought it would good idea to change these characters so drastically for this series. Actually, I'm not sure I want to understand because I'm thinking there must be some severely twisted logic behind all this.

The only bright side I can see to all of this, is that NS isn't supposed to directly affect GH. So once that last episode mercifully airs and my last NS review has been penned, I am going to forget that this thing ever happened. There's been an awful lot of scarring scenes and I'm it will be difficult to block out some of those images but I'm sure my good friends and Mr. Daniels and Mr. Cuervo will be happy to assist me.

P.S. : T-minus 3 episodes and counting