Just Saying

This week's General Hospital was like a messed up version of those couple game shows in the '60s. It believe it was called "Let's See Which Couple is the Most Screwed Up!"

Unhappy Couple #1 - Here we have the hopeless romantic billionaire who can never seem to get it right in the relationship department. His partner is the girl from the Florida trailer park who clawed her way up the social ladder. He likes grand romantic gestures and sweeping women off their feet. She hates vegetables, not getting her way and underwire support. Meet Carly and Jax!

Jerry "saved" this wonderful couple by killing his ex (I'm sorry, was I supposed to feel sorry for him?) and the first thing they did after being reunited was argue about Jax's recent sexual activity.

Jax: You're trying to accuse me of -- of cheating on you when I was forced into it. You slept with Sonny because you still have feelings for him, because you wanted to sleep with him. So if anyone should be called a cheater here, it's you, not me.

Hooray for Jax calling out Carly, but this whole thing was ridiculous. I was willing to go along with this story because the writers could explore the issue of male rape which isn't discussed often. I thought maybe the powers that be were taking the time to explore this interesting issue, but that was all shot to hell with this totally non P.C. moment:

Carly: When Irina held Jax prisoner, she amused herself by having him beaten -- which, I'm sure, was very horrible for him. So if I were a better person, I would be grateful that she moved on from torturing him to wanting to sleep with him. I me, it's not like Jax was a willing participant at all. I mean, he was basically raped. Don’t. Don't -- don't even look like that. It's not funny. Guys can be forced into it, sort of, especially when the woman in question is threatening to kill me and my children.

Jason laughed at the prospect of Jax being raped. I kid you not. Read my lips GH execs:

RAPE IS NOT FUNNY

If they want to turn this into a rape story fine, but you don't do that joking about such a serious issue. Way to be sensitive guys. High five.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #2 - She's a girl from the wrong side of the tracks who made a name for herself as the editor of a famous fashion magazine. He's a boy from the same side of the tracks as his high school sweetheart and is now the best "coffee importer" in the Northeast. She enjoys high fashion and standing up straight. He hates hearing the word "no" and drinking water instead of scotch. Ladies and gentlemen, Kate and Sonny.

In a gross, slightly incestuous turn of events, Trevor Lansing, Ric's father, came to town not only to do some scouting for some new New York crime boss named Zaccara, but to visit his old girlfriend Kate Howard. I was glad to see him force Ric into dropping Kate's charges because I really didn't want to have to sit through that trial, but other than that, I have no use for the character because he's clearly a giant prick.

Apparently Sonny was unpleased with these new developments because after seeing Kate kissing Trevor, he threw a hissy fit to Jason.

Sonny: I don't have time, Jason. Right now I got a lot of things going on, important things that are bothering me.
Jason: What is going on?
Sonny: I just saw Ric's father sticking his tongue down Kate’s throat.

Important things? So, Kate playing tonsil hockey with Sonny's stepfather is more "important" than say the war in Iraq, world hunger and global warming? Huh. Silly me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #3 - She's an ex-con who's decided to get back in the game to get her some revenge against her recent ex and his lover. He's a former Quartermaine heir who now takes orders from a man half his size. She hates empty liquor cabinets and Elizabeth Spencer. He enjoys playing with firearms and prefers to communicate by blinking instead of using his words. Let's hear it for Jason and Sam everybody!

After discovering that Sam was behind Elizabeth's accostal in the park, he decided it was time to pay her a surprise visit in her apartment and lay down the law.

Sam: Jason, I gave up everything to be with you! I was shot because of you! I cannot have kids because of you, and then you go and have one with Elizabeth?
Jason: You stay away from Elizabeth; don't go near her children or her again.
Sam: What, are you threatening me?
Jason: If you hurt them -- again -- in any way, I will kill you.

Wow. Between laughing at rape and threatening to kill the woman you supposedly used to love, Jason, your likeability points are well into the negatives my friend.

Sam: "Stone cold." "Stone cold" -- now, there is a nickname that is literally dead-on. Jason doesn't know how to love, and he will turn on anyone that gets in his way.

True dat.

Don't get me wrong, Sam's not completely innocent in all of this. Plotting revenge by sleeping with a married man isn't what I call innocent.

Sam: Well, I'm surprised -- you had the chance to warn Lucky and you didn’t.
Jason: About what?
Sam: Well, I told you I was going to get him into bed -- and I will.
Jason: Lucky doesn't deserve this.

Really, Jason? Preytale what does Lucky deserve and where was this concerned attitude when you were sleeping with his wife?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #4 - She's a bad girl turned good and then pulled a U-ey back to bad. He's a cop with a heart of gold, but a brain that's turned to mush. She loves Jason and well....................Jason. He hates having to prove himself to everybody. Meet Elizabeth and Lucky.

Ms. Lizzie wasn't to pleased to find out about Lucky's extra job as Sam's bodyguard and I really don't care. For all of her complaints about her husband's affairs, I don't think it really matters to her what he does. I think she hopes he does sleep with Sam so she'll have a reason to leave him, because it's obvious to everyone that she wants Jason. If they try and make Liz look a victim when all is said and done, oh I can promise that someone will be hearing from me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #5 - He's the bad buy with a southern drawl and a chip on his shoulder. She's the rebellious daughter with a bad sense of judgement. He enjoys working for the mob in hopes of gaining money and power. She enjoys ignoring authority and going for joyrides in Mr. Q's Bentley. Here is Logan and Lulu.

Logan and Lulu were well on their way to sleeping together again when Logan stopped things after spotting Maxie spying from the closet. Um. Ew. To cover, he tells Lulu he wants to prove to her that their relationship is about more than just sex (yeah right) and takes her to a carnival. After a confrontation with stalker Maxie, who Coop pulled out of the bushes, Logan headed to Ric's office, per his command, and Lulu headed to Carly's for advice. Instead of meeting up later, Logan went back to his apartment where he found Maxie. She threatened to tell Lulu about their deal if Logan doesn't sleep with her, which he does. Wow. Port Charles men are so easy. Yeah, this realtionship wasn't doomed from the start.

*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #6 - She's the quiet peacemaker who believes love will find a way. He's the real life prince that comes from a dark and twisty family. She enjoys making love on the living room floor. He hates psycho nannies and chasing twisted grandmothers across the globe. Please welcome Nikolas and Emily!

First off, it was nice to see these two strangers. It really has been a while. Okay, so for some reason Nikolas was hell-bent taking Emily on vacation this week. If I had to warrant a guess, I'd say he was arranging a proposal because that's what this couple does. The get together. Marry. Divorce. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. When Emily cites work as the reason she can't leave, Nikolas goes to the hospital and uses his weight with Ford.

Nikolas: Shut up and listen, because I won't say this twice. Emily will do whatever and talk to whomever she pleases in the hospital, and if you try and stop her, I'll just fire you, destroy your reputation, and make sure you're changing bedpans in the geriatric ward.

As much as I love the visual of Ford cleaning bedpans, what is Nikolas' deal? He's all angry recently. I'm wondering if his anger and her cryptic "I have something to discuss with you" are ways of setting up a story for them. Wait, I have watched this show before, so probably not so much.

This definitely looks like a repeat of last year's "Summer of Seduction" (aka Summer of Sleaze). I don't care how much you smoked, it wasn't a good idea then and it still isn't a good idea now. ::shrugs:: I'm just saying.