GH: Night Shift Episode 12 - "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted"

Once I got passed the first five minutes of this show, the episode went down at lot easier than it has in weeks past. I think watching Night Shift is kind of like drinking alcohol - you drink enough of it and eventually you become numb to the taste and it's easy to swallow anything. Before I start tearing the show apart, I will however, commend the writers on a few good lines of dialogue and by a few I mean I could count them on one hand.

Since it's virtually impossible for me to root for my original favorites on this show, I've selected a new character to care about - Regina. I know, I know, I said in the beginning that she wasn't a very good actress and that I didn't care about the character, but I'm changing my mind for a few reasons:

1. Regina displayed Georgie-like compassion to Leyla despite the fact that the suckup has done nothing but be a bitch to Regina. Georgie rocks so with a little more displays of these compassionate tendencies, Regina could soon rock as well.

2. Regina said that despite the breakup, Robin still has to work with Patrick and because of that, she feels sorry for Dr. Scorpio. It's about freakin' time somebody did!

3. Regina: Hey, why don't you take a break? I'll watch the desk.
Epiphany: That's not necessary.
Regina: Nurse Johnson, take a break.
Epiphany: Yes, ma'am.

Regina not only ordered Epiphany to do something, but the serious nurse actually obeyed. I don't think I've ever seen that before and Regina even got a "ma'am"!!!

Speaking of Georgie, I was pleased to see her dad Mac wandering around, but peeved that he was at GH to arrest Lainey for the murder of her father. Cody just happened to be standing nearby (seriously, why was he there?) and decided to help Dr. Winters out. He conspicuously grabbed a bottle of pills and when he got caught, he went on and on about how we was the one who murdered Mr. Winters just to get revenge for Lainey not helping him. It was touching, I guess, that Cody took responsibility for his actions, it's just a little weird that Lainey was falling for a guy who assaulted her several times at the beginning of their relationship.

Elsewhere in the hospital, Jolene was stalked by Colonel Sanders and Jason (do none of these people have anything better to do than hang around a hospital on a Saturday night?). The Colonel wanted the double agent to kill someone else and Jason's super sniffer of truth finally started working and he began interrogating Jolene and her shady actions. Jason tried to get Spinelli to help him play detective and of course the cyber slacker was hurt to think the "Angel of Mercy" who deflowered him (eew) is a killer. Actually, when you think about it, it makes sense because when has anything involving Spinelli ever been normal?

In breaking news, Robin and Patrick had a conversation. Well, it was really more yelling than talking, but the point is that they interacted. Is it just me, or does it seem like they haven't shared any scenes together in weeks? Patrick seems to be fighting for some kind of resolution, but I'm bitter about it because I think it's just because he's grasping at straws now that his plaything decided she didn't want to play anymore (thank God because their scenes were about to permanently rob me of my eyesight).

Patrick's whole comment about it being alright if Leyla fell in love with him really irked me because of how nonchalant he was about the whole thing. It took him a flippin' year to be okay with the idea of him and Robin falling in love, but with Leyla, he's alright with the concept within a matter of weeks? If anything, I thought he would have freaked out at the prospect after getting his heart crushed the first time.

While we're on the subject, I also wasn't exactly pleased with Robin's comment about her breakup with Patrick.

Robin: After giving up Stacey's baby I've just felt so...ugh. blah, you know, like getting up in the morning isn't worth the effort.
Jason: I'm sure your breakup with Patrick hasn't helped.
Robin: Well, you would think that, but honestly he hasn't even crossed my mind.

Excuse me? At the end of Robin's latest "love sucks" spiel, Jason said, "Doesn't sound like you." Word. Robin Scorpio hurts. Robin Scorpio focuses on pain and loss. She may be focused on the pain of losing Anna, but the Robin Scorpio I know would also be focusing on the pain of losing Patrick. Come on writers. Know your characters!!

This week's patient once again was Toussaint. To help prepare for the surgery Epiphany called Toussaint's old singer buddies. The first two came in and reminisced about the good old days while the third band member came simply to wish his ex-partner dead. Apparently the two had a falling out over a woman named Michelle. To quote Anna Devane, "That's where the girl comes in. There's always a girl, you know."

During Toussaint's surgery, he of course flatlined and while the doctors worked to save him, the janitor had a flashback to his days as a singer. I liked this substitute for the ending montage because I thought switching between the younger version of the band to the present day version while they performed on stage was clever. I also enjoyed seeing everyone (from current doctors to deceased patients) in the audience. I think what I enjoyed the most was the fact for the first time in weeks, the characters actually looked happy. Happiness, you know, that emotion that's opposite of anger, hurt and pain - the only thing Night Shift seems to be about.

Of course, as this show always does, it took my momentary amusement and turned it to annoyance. The show ended with Toussaint flatling and I was left wondering:

1. Did Toussaint die?

2. Will next week be a continuance of this Saturday night and will I then find out Toussaint's fate?

3. Will next week be a completely new day and someone might make the comment that they're so glad Toussaint has gone back on the road to tour with the Saints?

Execs, did you not learn anything from the fiasco that was Maxie's flatline? I think the better question at this point is why do I even care?

Actions Speak Louder

Sometimes words cannot properly express thoughts and emotions so that's what facial expressions are for. Today, Ric Lansing provide with a couple of looks that will be very in this season. First we have the look of shock/WTH? Perfect for when you hear the phrase:

"Congratulations, Ric. You've just successfully placed Sonny behind bars for life."

Or what about:

"I'm really excited to see how to latest installment of Night Shift will tear down once interesting characters!"

There's also the look of pure confusion which would be appropriate when hearing:

"We've decided to kill off a beloved vet only to bring him back as a wise-cracking ghost in a track suit. It's a great idea right?"

It is also appropriate to use when looking at Michael Jackson or Britney Spears.

General Hospital actors have been providing excellent WTH? looks recently and it looks like we have another winner here. I'm suddenly feeling inspired. I think I'm going to find the nearest mirror so I can start practicing perfecting my own WTH? look. C'mon. All the cool kids are doing it.

Ridiculousness

Yesterday, Lucky's response to Lulu and Spinelli's argument that the detective's sister would be safer living at Jason's penthouse was:

Lucky: You know what? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

This was an accurate observation of the entire episode which gave us:

*Elizabeth (to Jason): When Jake smiles, I see your smile. - Odd considering that Jason doesn't smile. He just stares and on occasion, blinks.

*Nikolas: I did not, for the last time, throw a glass at you! - Ridiculous when said glass is still lying shattered on the floor and the alcohol is still running down the door which your aunt was just standing next to.

* Someone thought it was a good idea for Ric to go all the way out to a random barn to talk to Trevor. Why not just use the PCPD set?

*Lucky (to Emily): What do you think? You think she's right, about my marriage? - Why would you be asking advice from the woman that's encouraging her bestest friend and her brother to hook up while said friend is still MARRIED to you???

* The Quartermaines standing in Jason's apartment. I thought nothing could look more out of place than Alice standing in Logan's living room in her maid outfit. I was wrong.

*Spinelli: As point of fact, she -- you have no say over where fair lulu resides because she is a legal adult. - The cyber slacker spoke mostly English and actually had a point.

If that isn't a sign of the apocalypse, I don't know what is.

Just Saying

As I looked over the events of this week, I felt like nothing really happened. I mean, I suppose it did, but it sure didn't feel like it. God, I hate the months in between sweeps because that's the time when they seem to drag on fffooorreeevveerrr.

Alright, so the major arc this week was Lulu running away. Maxie showed up at Logan's apartment and spilled the beans about their deal to sleep together. Lulu's recent crappy treatment of Spinelli has really been ticking me off so Maxie's reveal gave me such a sick sense of satisfaction. I really used to like Lulu, but now she's turning into a user like Carly. Spinelli's done nothing but fall all over himself when it comes to Lulu and the minute he disagrees with her on something, she kicks him in the teeth. I really think him and Georgie would be adorable. Their scenes are so cute as Georgie tries to find ways to spend time with him and he's too oblivious to see that she's hitting on him.

Logan was pretty ticked that Lulu left and later took it out on Maxie by shoving her up against a wall outside of Kelly's. Coop saved her and they talked about I'm not really sure what because I was so surprised to see that the former gunman hadn't died. I really feel bad for Jason Gerhardt because the potential of his character is being wasted. He's been reduced to the same wardrobe (cop uniform) and the same line ("I'm late for work") and I wouldn't be surprised if he was the next guy to get axed, which is a shame because his character had so many possibilities. I say he could die because I figure it's time for more deaths now that the GH execs are adding more actors to the already crowded canvas. The newest addition is Johnny Zacarra, Anthony's crazy son who picked up a hitchhiking Lulu. The creation of his character was totally necessary because you know, we don't have enough psychopaths running around on his show already.

Lulu's friends and family were understandably upset and Logan took the most abuse from Nikolas who tried to strangle him. The rageaholic continued his ranting at home and tore into Alexis (seriously, stop yelling at her!) and when she tried to walk away, he threw a glass against the door. What is the deal? Is this some side effect to the drug (I refuse to say the "C" word) that Jerry/Craig injected him with in the spring? I just hope this is going somewhere, but it wouldn't surprise me if it doesn't. What? It's been known to happen.

Across the lake Lucky's marriage pretty much continued to crumble. He and Elizabeth agreed to work on being good parents, but it was the most half-hearted agreement I've ever seen in my life. It's so obvious this relationship is over, but in case you weren't sure, consider this:

* Lucky and Sam slept together.
By the way - they have a steamy chemistry and the scene would have been hotter if not for the sleazy, dirty factor

* Elizabeth confessed to Emily that the love between her and Lucky is gone.

* Emily told Jason to go after Elizabeth.

* Jason and Elizabeth ended up in a barn, alone, together, in the middle of nowhere. Hmmm......wonder where this is going?

I was quite bothered by Emily's part in all of this because Lucky and Elizabeth are still technically together and I thought Lucky was one of Emily's oldest friends. I realize that Jason is her brother, but is nobody on Lucky's side, on anything?

When Jason wasn't playing hero or nursing the wounds from his "secret pain" he was playing counselor to Robin. The actors have a nice chemistry and I like this Jason, much like I enjoyed Sonny last summer when instead of bedding the town's newest female resident, ordering hits, drinking or smashing glassware, he was offering counsel and support to Lulu and Robin. This week Robin wandered into Sonny's coffee shop and into Jason who lent a supportive ear as she discussed her breakup with Patrick. When the doctor received a page, the hitman gave her a ride to the hospital and walked her to her floor, which Patrick saw. If the neurosurgeon ever tries to pull that "I don't get jealous" I will call B.S. because he was visibly not pleased. I don't want their breakup to be reduced to stupid games of who can hurt who the worst, but it was nice to see how Patrick liked having the shoe on the other foot for once.

Robin was paged to check on Kate whom Jax had brought to the hospital after finding her in her wrecked car. Turns out she was drugged because her blood alcohol levels were through the roof despite the fact that she hadn't touched anything. There's no evidence so basically she's screwed and her case has put Ric is in the middle of his father and Sonny. Trevor's urging Ric to nail Kate to stick it to Sonny while Sonny's trying to show Ric that Trevor's just using him. I really liked Ric Hearst's scenes this week because he's an amazing actor and I could actually feel the conflict and turmoil and anguish that his character (who's written as scum) was dealing with. Kudos, sir. You are an asset to this show.

Once Jax left Kate with Sonny, he headed to the island (finally) to meet up with his family. Jax wanted some alone time with his wife, but it looked like it was about to be interrupted by someone with a gun. My money's on Jerry because he's never far behind Jax. Hey, Jasper, I know you're good sense was thrown out the window a long time ago thanks to the writers, but Jerry is doing is called stalking. Maybe you should take out a restraining order or just stop saving your brother's sorry butt so he won't be around to bother you anymore. I'm just saying.

GH: Night Shift Episode 11 - "Fools In Love"

When a television show starts to make you physically ill, it's time to stop watching. I reached that point weeks ago and I urge annoying feeling a little nauseous themselves, to abandon ship. With only two episodes left, it's safe to say nothing's going to improve and the captain is most definitely going down with this ship. It's not worth it, unless your a masochist, in which case, carry on.

For future reference, Night Shift Patrick is dead to me. There really is no excuse for his behavior or I guess more accurately, the writing of his character. After overhearing Robin order Leyla to restock a supply closet, he accused his ex of reacting unprofessionally to the fact that he was sleeping with the nurse. Like all Night Shift episodes, there was so much wrong with this scene:

#1 - Yes, Robin may have been out of line, but her comment was the most believable thing I've heard on this show. No matter what your line of work, if you're the newbie, nine times out of ten, you're going to get treated like crap.

#2- Patrick's a hypocrite (and as you know, I hate hypocrites) because how professional is it to offer special treatment to a student nurse just because she's putting out?

#3- The fact that Patrick's sleeping with someone else. It's been like two weeks since his breakup with Robin! I would expect this from old school Patrick, but not post in love Patrick.

#4- Where's the HIV public service announcement? Patrick and Robin weren't even sleeping together on General Hospital when we had to hear about the risk and precautions of that possible relationship EVERYDAY. Seriously, spermicidal jelly is my most hated word in the General Hospital dialect, right along with counter agent, paternity test and father/mother of my children. I understand the PSAs were necessary because execs had to show they were being responsible, so why are they suddenly stopping? I thought this was supposed to be a medically focused show so where are my statistics? Where's the mention of the risks involved with the fact that Patrick has been sleeping with an HIV positive woman for the last year and a half? I know this is alternate reality (add that to my list of hated GH words), but you can't say that mean's Robin's HIV isn't still intact because you, dear writers, reminded me that she bonded with Stacey because of their HIV!!

I think Robin said something about the situation being sleazy and that earns a big, fat HELL YES from me. This show has turned into a giant sleaze fest and as such, is no longer entertaining. The "stars" of the show had few scenes last night, but if they're going to continue acting like jerks, I'd rather not see them and be left with the few happy memories of them I have left.

The entire episode was painful and hands down the most disturbing part was Spinelli worrying about becoming a sex addict. Really? Of all the things you could be concerned about, this is the issue you chose to fret over? What about your addiction to pot? Instead of worrying about your weed intake and how it's damaged your brain, you're worried about possibly becoming addicted to sex after one roll on the OR table? The only amusing aspect of this entire subplot was Jason basically running in the other direction in discomfort. By the way, props to Steve Burton's hilarious expressions.

My laughter over his facial contortions almost made me forget that fact that the unintelligible cyber slacker got his first piece of actions from a killer - almost.

The episode's title shouldn't have been "Fools in Love" because the only person showing an emotion that remotely resembled love was Robin toward that little baby, but I'll get to that in a minute. The title should have been "Addicts" or "When Good Ideas Go Terribly, Terribly Wrong And Cause the Audience Permanent Emotional Distress." Well, that's a little long, so we'll stick to "Addicts" and heck, they could even play Enrique Iglesias' "Addicted" during the customary montage, just in case the writers feared that they didn't get their point across. Everyone's favorite addicts, Kelly and Andy, were turning into the hospital's next dysfunctional couple as they traded insults about their respective addictions:

Kelly: You're sick, Andy. There's no way in hell I'm going to let you treat my patients. You could nod off and paralyze some poor woman.

Andy: While you're sleeping with her husband in the waiting room.

Kelly: Fine. Go back to your room. Hook yourself up for another dose and when they find you dead, I'll be sure to get laid in your honor.

Ah, amore.

When Andy decided to self-medicate during his shift, Jolene screwed up his dosage, but Kelly saved him just in the nick of time. While I'm talking about the angel of death, I need to address something that left me a tad befuddled. While Jolene was attempting to break into Andy's room, Jason caught her and she deflected his suspicions. What I don't understand is how Jason, the greatest sniffer outer of truth, couldn't spot a lying murderer when she's standing right in front of him in bright, pink scrubs.

In the category of things that don't make sense is Toussiant's test results. Patrick just now got them one week after the singer turned janitor collapsed in the middle of the hospital? Pretty sure Jolene isn't needed to make GH look bad. The staff seems to be doing a good job of it all on their own. Another confusing aspect of the show was Ford continuing to act like something akin to a human being. For example, he lifted Regina's suspension. Speaking of her, what was up with the "credit to [the] race" comment? Listen to me writers. Next time you want to take on race issues, don't. Ford also showed what I think was compassion when Lainey's father died. What the hell, show? Stop screwing with my universe! I am so not enjoying this "up is down" crap.

In a not so shocking turn of events, Lainey's dad finally moved on thanks to some assistance from Cody who shut off his machines. I was tempted to feel sad or moved by the scene because it reminded me of Anthony Geary's Emmy-winning portrayal of Luke turning off Lucky's ventilator (seriously, if you watch those scenes and feel nothing, you're not human). But then I saw Lainey's getting arrested for her father's murder in next week's previews and I skipped touched and went straight to annoyed.

Considering the crap she's been handed, Kimberly McCullough should be given a standing ovation for what she's done with the incredibly wanting material. Anna/Rebecca's daddy Curtis randomly runs through the hospital toward the end of the show screaming that Robin has stolen his baby and that he wants "the bitch arrested." Turns out that Robin has not stolen the baby, but has taken her to the roof where they can say their goodbyes and she absolutely sold that scene.

Robin: Have an amazing life, Anna Rebecca "Charmed One" Sloan. Believe in yourself. Um, learn from your mistakes. And don't be afraid to give your heart. And if it gets broken, don't be afraid to give it again. In other words, do as I say and not as I do. Oh, God. Now I really do sound like your mother. (Jason enters the rooftop) I knew that someone was going to find me up here. I'm glad that it was you.

Jason: Curtis is, is flipping out.

Robin: I know. I was going to bring her back before anyone noticed, it's just that ... well, this is the last time I'm going to get to hold her. I just don't want it to end.

Jason: I know. You try to memorize the feel of them breathing and the shape of their face so...

Robin: Yeah.

Jason: ...you have something to hold onto when they're gone.

Robin: Does it work? (Jason smiles ruefully) There's this theory that uh, early childhood memories come back to you when you're older in your dreams. I just hope that if she ever dreams about me, she knows how much I love her.

And she delivers this while she's holding a baby in her arms...

...and crying.

In a word - heartbreaking.

Yet somehow, no matter how awesome McCullough's performance was in that one scene, it can't make up for the mess that was the rest of the show. Oh well. Life is full of disappointments and I guess this is just one more of them.

Only 2 episodes to go. I say we throw a party to celebrate the death of this travesty. Anyone care to join me?

Just Saying

Monday we continued with the latest murder on GH and the unfortunate victim (or fortunate depending on how you look at it) was Leticia #693 or was it recast #710? Oh well. Either way, the Corinthos boys are in need of a new nanny. The boys got the patented "she's happy she's in heaven speech," but Michael demanded the truth and when he got it, he gave a very chilling response:

Sonny: Leticia was killed, Michael. It looks like it might've been one of my enemies.
Michael: You have to kill them, Dad. I loved Leticia. You have to make them pay for killing her.
Sonny: That's not the answer, Michael.
Michael: I don't care. You can't let them get away with this.
Sonny: Enough! Leticia loved you very much. She wouldn't want you to grow up to be the kind of person who would want revenge.
Michael: They have to pay for killing her.
Sonny: It's not going to bring her back, Michael. It's not going to make you feel better. Revenge only puts a hole in your heart, and it hurts your soul.
Michael: It's not fair. It's not fair.

There are soooooooooooooooo many things wrong with the scenario. Number 1, if Michael is already giving out orders to kill for revenge, I think it's time to call Lainey. I'm sure she's on both Carly and Sonny's speed dial, right? Number 2, Sonny needs to learn to take his own advice. Later in the week, Trevor blackmailed Kate into breaking things off with Sonny and he got angry and threw a little hissy fit.

Sonny: Jason, why is it -- every -- when I -- when I ask that I want somebody dead, right, I have to defend myself.
Jason: Because not too long ago, you told me I was making decisions on pure emotion. This is pure emotion. It's personal for you.
Sonny: You're damn right it's personal! He ruined my mother's life! He's -- he's fronting for my enemy, he's forcing Kate to turn her back on me! I -- I don't like the guy, I want him dead! That's it! Now, I'm asking you to do it! I'm not -- I'm not going to ask you again! I'm just going to -- I'm just telling you, do what I need. Please.

The only thing that would have made this better was if Sonny stomped his feet and kicked a few toys for good measure like a real child throwing a tantrum. At this point I'm thinking okay you've made your point. Anthony Z. is a bad, bad, bad man because he killed a helpless nanny moving along. Um, apparently not. Here's part of Soapnet.com's Monday recap:

Jason and Carly jump into action to try and help the first murder victim.

First? As in there will be more? Eff. Seriously, if I wanted to see this stuff on a regular basis, I'd watch the Sopranos. This is a soap. A little bit of action is alright, but what about romance? Where's the romance? Oh that's right. You killed it.

The one recent bright spot for the show recently has been the A-dorable scenes between Patrick and Robin. Apparently the powers that be found out that this couple is one of the few romantic and entertaining things on this show and since it's their mission in life to make me miserable, they broke them up - AGAIN. I will say that breaking up over wanting/not wanting children makes much more sense than the ridiculous fake romance with Nikolas that was manufactured by Craig breakup, but the scenes were kind of disappointing. To start with, they made it look like Robin was neglecting Patrick because she chose to go to work instead of playing racecars. What really sucked was that the whole fight started because of a certain nurse that somehow found her way from the night shift to daytime General Hospital and slithered herself right into Patrick's apartment. The breakup seemed to be amicable compared to the demise of other couples, but what threw me was Patrick inviting Robin to dinner a day (maybe it was still the same day?) after breaking up. It's nice that he still wants to be friends, but I think he needs to give the girl some space. I mean, asking your ex out minutes after THE breakup, who does that? I guess the boy's new to the whole relationship thing so I'll give him a pass.

Robin declined the invitation and found herself at Sonny's coffee shop with Jason who offered a supportive ear. I think these two have a really nice, friendly chemistry so I found the scenes surprisingly enjoyable. All of you Robin/Patrick and Jason/Liz fans holding those pitchforks and aiming those tomatoes at my head wait just a minute. I don't think you have anything to worry about because the GH execs seem to have been working on the Jason/Liz pairing for quite some time and I don't think they're ready to scrap it just yet. I highly doubt after laying all of the groundwork that they would switch midway through and toss Jason and Robin together. Everyone just calm down and breathe. Better? Good.

Speaking of Elizabeth, this week she told Emily that she wasn't ready to sleep with Lucky because so much had happened. Meanwhile, Lucky was busy setting up a romantic evening for him and Liz. I was a little perplexed in these scenes because I thought we were in the Lucky's- angry-at-Liz-for-sleeping-with-Jason phase, so wouldn't it make sense that Lucky would be the one opposed to being with Liz? I thought she wanted to make things work. Oh that's right. She wants Jason and she's just lying to herself and everyone else. Nevermind.

After Elizabeth rejected Lucky's advances he heads over to Sam's and they hop in the hot tub and start going at it. I'm not sure what's most upsetting in this scenario; the fact that Sam is trying to seduce someone to get back at Jason you know, because that went over so well last year with Ric (my eyes! my eyes!) or the fact that after working so hard to get over being a cheater last summer, that Lucky's willing to do it again. I think what's happening here is the writers are really trying to make Sam and Lucky look like scum so Liz and Jason look like shining examples in comparison. Everyone's a fault in this situation so can't we just leave it at that and not turn it into a competition to see whose character can be destroyed quicker?

Continuing with the theme of messed up family, Nikolas talked to his cousin and brother about what they were planning on doing (is that a little incestuous?), but apparently it fell on deaf ears. Back at Wyndemere, Nikolas' dark mood continued as he tried to deflect Emily's suspicions that he was lying about where he was before dinner. Later, when Alexis moved herself and the girls in as a precautionary step, Jerry showed up looking for his lawyer. I'm surprised he found the time what with trying to save Jax, meeting with Trevor, discovering Kate was poisoned and choking Sam and threatening to kill her if she didn't seduce some information out of Trevor. Nikolas' reaction was far from hospitable. He immediately lept at Jerry's throat and tried to kill him. I don't blame the prince because I'd be pretty pissed off too if someone poisoned me for months, but what I am upset with him for is lashing out at Alexis. It's not only bad manners, but I think everyone should just STOP YELLING AT ALEXIS. Last year's scream fest at the dying cancer patient was about all I could handle and I see no reason for a repeat performance, especially from her nephew. Can we please just find out what bug crawled up Nikolas' butt so we can move on from his moodiness?

The one bright spot in this whole mess was the return of the Q's after being MIA for about a month.

Thankfully the Q's still include a wisecracking Alan who had plenty to say about his sister's scheme to breakout of Shadybrook.

Alan: If Father ever finds out that you manufactured the collapse of E.L.Q., your ass is grass.

Line. Of. The. Week.

Back at the mansion the typical arguments over who owned the house and that Luke Spencer is a reprobate ensued. After finally taking that DNA test, Scott and Logan returned to the mansion where the Q's tried to have Logan tossed out while forbidding Lulu to ever see him. Her response was to say they weren't the boss of her and that she was going to move in with Logan. Yeah. This is going to end well.

One quick little note before I leave you all. I'm a little perplexed by the powers that be's logic this week, not that that is anything new. The majority of your audience is women so does it really make sense to have female characters constantly degraded by having them exploit their sexuality to gain information for men or to be physically assaulted by said men? Obviously you don't know the answer so let me help you out: No, it doesn't. I think it's time to redefine what you view as "entertainment." I'm just saying.

GH: Night Shift Episode 10 - "Falling Star"

This week's Night Shift was another hour of my life wasted, technically it was more like 38 minutes (thank you fast forward button inventor!). Anyone have his address? I should really send him some flowers. Alright, so I'll start criticizing, I mean critiquing in a moment, but first, I am actually going to give out a compliment - please try to contain your shock.

This week's random GH guest star was Diane and while I was pleased with her performance, I want to take this time to point out that the powers that instead of wasting airtime on all these NS and GH newbies, they could saved time and money by using deserving vets that play existing character who actually work at the hospital. For example, how about Monica? I think it's safe to say she knows her way around the hospital, wouldn't you?

Okay, so Diane was brought in by Jason to help out Robin with legal baby issues. Anna's real father, a creep by the way, showed up and wants to claim his daughter. Something about this guy seems off, perhaps the fact that
a) He said he didn't want kids, yet here he is
b)Stacey didn't tell him she was pregnant
c)Anna's inheriting some money that could go to him
Then again, it could just be the actor because if it's one thing this show hasn't been lacking, it's creepy actors. Anywho, Robin was trying to find a way to be a part of Anna's life which we know won't happen because noone on GH ever gets what they deserve (good or bad). I was glad to see Diane because it was nice to have someone who actually seems to be on Robin's side.

After she apologetically said there was nothing she could do, she got up to leave and as the camera pans over, I spot Epiphany. I think to myself that her and Diane have never shared scenes and it would probably be interesting because they're both so opinionated and then BAM! It's like someone ACTUALLY listened to me because then it happened. Apparently fashion isn't the only thing Diane is all fangurly about. She caught sight of Mr. Dubois and recognized him as a former singer for the Saints and then this went down:

Diane: OMG! I'm like your biggest fan!
Toussaint: :::what the hell kind of lawyer comes to the hospital in the middle of the night?:::

Epiphany: :::What is that bitch doing talking to my man?:::
Um, just what do you think you are doing? Can't you see he's busy?


Toussaint: :::Uh oh:::
Jason: :::Oh s&@#! Here we go:::

Diane: Now listen here girlfriend, I am just as big a fan as you are and I can talk to Mr. Dubois all night if I want to. (seriously, she was doing the "uh uh girlfriend" head bob and finger wave)

Epiphany: Oh girl, I know you didn't just talk back to me in MY hospital.

Epiphany: Now you listen here...

Diane: Excuse me...

(indistinguishable yelling while Jason scurries to the nearest exit)

::More yelling:::

Okay, so maybe I took some artistic liberties with the dialogue, but you get the idea. It was a sup rising dose of hilariousness which was good considering the theme of the night was awkward and painful. Just what does that mean you ask? Well I'll tell you.

Exhibit A: Spinelli having sex with Jolene. No, I did not make that up. How twisted do you think I am? Spinelli caught Jolene trying to sneak into a room and to cover, she started going on and on about how she liked Spinelli, but she couldn't say anything because he was a patient and it was inappropriate and some other lame lie (what kind of a spy is she?). Then she drug him into OR 4, (the one that no one likes as Spinelli informed us for the umpteenth time) and awkwardly started making out. It wasn't graphic, but the mere suggestion has left me scarred for life. You think I can sue the GH execs for all of the emotional damage this show has caused me and thousands like me? I should look into that.

Regina coping with her abortion was awkward too. Lupe, the pregnant girl (wow, this wasn't a popular theme was it?) a couple episodes ago came in and had her baby. Her boyfriend and two friends showed up and manhandled Kelly. I didn't see the purpose (not that NS has a purpose except to raise blood pressures of soap fans everywhere) until Jason swooped in and with an assist from Cody, saved the day. I think Jason should just quit the mob and become a full-time superhero. Can't you see him in a pair of tights and a cape? Hee!

After Jason mopped the floor with those guys (hah! pun!) Kelly delivered Lupe's baby and Regina was supposed to be helping, but instead her distracted state of mind caused her to mess up royally and get put on probation because of her mistake. I'm not at all trying to down play the serious emotional repercussions of an abortion, like all of the other newbies, I feel nothing for Regina. It's not because they're new, it's because their backstories were explained in 2 seconds flat.

Later on, Leo overhears Regina's problems and then tries to cheer her up by letting her help out with some cases despite her probation. I can't tell if it's because Leo knows what it's like to screw up or if someone behind the scenes thought "Hey, let's put these two in a relationship. This week they'll talk, next week they'll sleep together, the following week, they'll break up. Great idea fellas! Let's cram as much crap as we can into the remaining three episodes no matter how ridiculous it seems. High five!"

Sorry, I drifted. Where was I? Ah yes. Nothing says awkward quite like climbing on top of the nurses' station in your skivvies and yelling wildly at your co-workers. In case you were wondering, this was Kelly's reaction to Ford and Col. Sanders telling her that Pablo's suit was being dropped because it was settled out of court. She was pissed that everyone believed Pablo's story and that Col. Sanders basically called her a slut. Throwing the nearly naked tantrum was her dealing with that and it was quite amusing until her hysterics ended in her collapsing into sobs. Andy was nearby and stepped in by throwing his lab coat over her and ushering her away. It was rather touching and I think they could be a cute couple, if this show didn't have such bad writing. In the following heart-to-heart scene, Kelly said she can't remember the last time she enjoyed sex (remember she recently slept with Andy so, ouch!) and that sex with random guys is a rush because it's the only time she feels in control or something. That talk, in a word - awkward.

After helping chase off the bad guys, Cody made a pit stop in Mr. Winters' room and the audience learned that the Alzheimer patient is only being kept alive by machines and that he's probably going to be shipped to County. With as much crap that's gone on at GH, is County really that bad? I mean who could it be worse than a hospital that has a murdering nurse on the loose? I digress. When Lainey spotted Cody, she just wrote him a prescription so he'd go away (inappropriate!) and at Cody's response was to react offended. Lainey realized he really did want to know about her dad's condition so she filled him in and he points out that the ventilators isn't what her father would have wanted which, judging by the previews, will be addressed next week.

Perhaps the most awkward interaction of the night was with Patrick and his latest favorite nurse. Here's the weird thing, I accused Leyla of coming onto Patrick last week, and she did, but this week, she was backing off and he was initiating things with her. What's worse was some of the stuff he was saying to her was a summary of things he's said to Robin in the past. Party foul, writers! Party foul! That was definitely hitting below the belt. But wait, it gets better.

By the end of the show, Leyla's changed her mind about keeping her distance from Patrick and the two of them are making out and heading for where Spinelli was headed earlier in the evening with Jolene. Thankfully, someone had mercy and the audience did not have to see that act come to fruition because the camera cut to Toussaint collapsing (falling star, get it?) and Epiphany yelling to page Dr. Drake. I've never been more happy to see a soap character faint in my life.

Night Shift Patrick is permanently on my list and this week sealed the deal. As if those vomit-worthy scenes weren't annoying enough, in the previews, Patrick is yelling at Robin something to the effect of "...taking it out on her because I'm sleeping with her." Um, say what? Wow, nothing says I'll love you forever like taking less than one week to move on from the so-called love of your life. I would expect this from old Patrick, but not from the guy who has matured so much emotionally in the last 2 years. I just don't understand why GH execs thought it would good idea to change these characters so drastically for this series. Actually, I'm not sure I want to understand because I'm thinking there must be some severely twisted logic behind all this.

The only bright side I can see to all of this, is that NS isn't supposed to directly affect GH. So once that last episode mercifully airs and my last NS review has been penned, I am going to forget that this thing ever happened. There's been an awful lot of scarring scenes and I'm it will be difficult to block out some of those images but I'm sure my good friends and Mr. Daniels and Mr. Cuervo will be happy to assist me.

P.S. : T-minus 3 episodes and counting

Just Saying

General Hospital aired a re-run for Labor Day so short week means a short review. I’ve already discussed the adorableness of Robin and Patrick as well as Georgie and Spinelli and sadly that’s where the happy stops. The only other bright spot was the return of Alexis. I was amazed that they remembered she was related with Sam and pleased because I love familial scenes (yay), but then I realized it was only so they could drag her into the latest mob story (boo).

After a relaxing Parisian vacation, Alexis returned stateside only to discover that Ric’s daddy was in town and threatening to take custody of Molly. I really enjoyed the scenes between Alexis and Ric because I think there’s great chemistry between the actors. I loved the Alexis’ visible shock and Ric’s look of sadness when Alexis realized that her ex wanted her to have Molly. I’m still upset that they broke this couple up, but as long as they share a daughter they’ll share scenes. It’s probably a safe bet that they’ll be arguing in the majority of said scenes but I can deal because I think that’s when they do some of their best work.

Across town, Lucky and Elizabeth reminded me why I liked them as they cutely discussed having a pool party for the kids and having a water fight with the hose. Of course that lasted until Sam showed up, so about five seconds. She told Lucky about the new scary mob boss and how she didn’t want him and his family to be a target so he didn’t need to be her bodyguard anymore because she would find someone else. Meanwhile, Liz heard the whole thing and then in no uncertain terms told Sam to leave by walking to the door, opening it and throwing the bitchiest bitch face ever thrown by a bitch. Carly better watch out because I think she’s got some competition for best bitch face. (Real life is calling so I will look for the cap later)

Something that had me all confuzzled this week was Lucky’s brother Nikolas. He’s suddenly gotten all moody and is lashing out at everyone. Apparently it’s over some secret project that only Alfred knows about. I’d be excited, but considering the last ridiculous storyline they tried to create for Nikolas and Emily (the Craig/Jerry poisoning Nikolas story), I’m not.

So this week we were introduced to a new mob murder storyline (yawn). Anthony Zaccara’s nefarious plot was set in motion by Trevor and the audience was treated to Nikolas getting pulled over, Jax injured from a car bomb, and a murder in Carly‘s house. The ex-mob moll’s nanny Leticia fell victim to the new mob’s henchman, but I’m not sure if she’ll be the only victim or if this murder spree is only getting started. Just in case it’s the latter, I say supporting characters beware. I’m talking to you Alfred, Bernie, Max, Milo, waitress at the Metro Court restaurant. Think about it. We haven’t seen Leticia in a while and when they did bring her back, it was just to kill her. GH has been pretty consistent with that tactic (i.e. Diego, Alan, Lorenzo) so I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised.

I found it amusing that Carly certainly didn’t seem to be too upset when she stumbled across her ex-nanny’s dead body on her living room floor. I suppose I really shouldn’t have been that surprised because it’s not like it’s the first time she’s witnessed violence and murder and unfortunately, the same can be said for the audience. My only concern with this storyline is that it will result in the death of an undeserving vet that isn’t linked to the mob because the vets are some of my favorite characters. Even if I was a huge fan of the mob characters, I wouldn’t be concerned for their safety because none of the main characters in the Port Charles mob actual die. I think if you suggested the idea to the writers they’d call you a blasphemer. I mean why would the people directly and constantly involved in the violence be killed even though they are at a higher risk? That would just be silly.

In all seriousness, must we bring another mob boss into town? Even with Lorenzo’s death earlier in the summer, you still have plenty of bad guys. There’s crazy Helena Cassadine, smarmy Scotty Baldwin, psycho Jerry Jax and the suspicious Father Ruiz. Remember him? Manny’s twin? What ever happened to that guy? You know you were just itching to turn him evil because Robert LaSardo is a kick-ass villain.

Let me clarify by saying I’m not opposed to the idea of action and such on a soap, but what I am opposed to is redundancy. How about just this once the powers that be try flexing their creative muscles and write up something that doesn’t involve another murder mystery involving the mob? You know, it really wouldn’t hurt you to try something different. I’m just saying.

Job Opening

From the Port Charles Herald...

Wanted: Full-time nanny to take care of two young boys ages 9 and 4. Must have no life in order to be able to come when called, day or night. A nanny is essential because all three of the boys' parents are far too busy to be concerned with their needs. Applicants must be willing to fulfil every one of the children's desires no matter how indulgent they may seem.

Duties include taking the children to and from school, chaperoning them from one parents' house to another, reading to them, bathing them and basically the general raising of the children. Applicants must not be afraid to risk their lives on a daily basis and prior experience with firearms is a plus, but not a requirement.

For more information call Carly Benson Quartermaine Corinthos Corinthos Alcazar Jacks' assistant at (555)638-0911.

GH: Night Shift Episode 9 - "Gutter Ball"

If Night Shift has taught me anything, it’s that you can be a complete idiot and still get to write a television show (a sad discover) and that I should always trust my gut. The former is self-explanatory, the latter refers to my initial reaction over this show. When I first heard about Night Shift I thought wow, this is dumb. because:

#1 spin-offs never work unless you count Laverne and Shirley and
#2 didn’t GH already try this with Port Charles and didn’t it tank?

A few months later I heard Robin and Patrick would be the stars so then I thought

them + cable = hot

Then I heard that what happens on one show doesn’t affect the other and thought weird, but okay. And then I heard Steve Burton was coming aboard and I returned to my original diagnosis that this show, beyond a reasonable doubt, was going to suck. Last night pretty much proved my point.

I have never been so angry about a television program in my entire life. There is no word that Webster could supply that could accurately describe how furiously enrgaed I was and how much I hate, deplore, despise, abhor and loathe that poor excuse of a show. I seriously had to get a night of sleep in order to lessen my anger long enough to form a coherent sentence that was more than a string of expletives.

Screw all the random subplots, this week I’m focusing on the supposed stars of the show, or as I like to refer to them, the imposters.

If you were a Night Shift viewer who had never watched General Hospital, would you like Patrick and Robin? I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t. Since the first episode the only substantial scenes they’ve shared involved arguing and yelling.

So for all of you fortunate people who were lucky enough to miss the evening's debacle, the major highlights are:

Patrick & co. performed rogue surgery on Lainey’s dad
Robin was not part of the OR team because she had to meet with the social worker
Robin was given permission to temporarily take the baby home
Patrick and Robin broke up
Robin found out the baby’s daddy showed up to claim her
Patrick kissed Leyla

Naturally you’d think that I would be angry over the break up, but I wasn’t. It’s a soap and it comes with the territory. It was a bittersweet moment and I think both actors did a great job with what they were given, but I couldn’t get completely immersed in the scene because they already aired the whole thing in this week's commercial. Besides that, it was too short and Patrick just sat there like a mute.

Robin: We need to figure this out.
Patrick Yeah.
Robin: I just want you for a minute not to be defensive okay? Neither will I. I belive in fate. I believe that something bigger than you and I put this child in my life. I mean she shouldn't even be here right now. She should be going home with her mother, a single woman that's HIV positive. That's what Stacey would have wanted. You know what? Maybe I'm second best, but I am the closest thing that little girl has to her mother's strength.
Patrick:You should be nobody's second best.
Robin:I'm not ignoring your feelings. I didn't think I was ready either, but I held that little girl in my arms and I knew I couldn't walk away. I don't want to change you, I don't want to force you into something that doesn't make you feel comfortable, but I honestly don't think I could live with myself when I'm here, ready to love her.
Patrick:Then you know what you have to do.
Robin:I'm not choosing her over you, I just know that you'll get along fine without me, but I'm not sure Anna should or can.
(Patrick kisses Robin's cheek. Robin walks away in tears.)
Patrick:Robin, you're going to be a wonderful mother.


I felt like Patrick didn’t even try to fight for Robin. Maybe the writers were shooting for a " he loves her enough to let her go" scene but they fell woefully short because the surgeon just appeared lazy and almost apathetic. GH Patrick would have fought for Robin before letting her go. I felt like NS Patrick gave up too quickly. The fact that I have to distinguish between the two shows is a major issue I have, but I will address that later.

Timing has always been an issue with me on this show. Case and point in one scene Lainey was in the locker room chatting with colleagues, in the very next she was walking off of the elevator. I’m no art school graduate, but to me, that just seems like sloppy editing and poor planning. The timing that particularly irked me was the shift between lockerroom Patrick and rooftop Patrick. Lockerroom Patrick was sincere as he and Robin broke up and for the first time in forever I saw the real Patrick. He was devastated that Robin left and you could tell by the look on his face and the tears in his eyes. Three seconds later in the customary ending montage, he’s on the roof flirting with Leyla and then proceeds to kiss her because he "wants to." Back up. He just broke up with the supposed love of his life, yet he's able to kiss the pink tramp without a second thought? Yeah, that screams love.

I know, I know, the writers are going to be all well, "Patrick’s a playboy and he’s hurt." Um, no that doesn’t fly. You just spent the last year and halftwo years trying to convince me that Patrick is a changed man and only has eyes for Robin and that her jealousy is completely unfounded.

All I have to say is a big, fat B.S. to that !!!

Truthfully this would have been easier to take if Patrick and Leyla haven't been flirting for weeks. I could have looked at this as an impulsive reaction to being hurt, but now, I don't know. The lead into this makes it look pretty bad. I’m sure they’ll try and justify this later with an oh well Patrick and Robin weren’t technically together when he kissed Leyla so it wasn't cheating which to me, at this moment, is not even the point. The point is the time it took for Patrick to revert to form. It makes him look like an unfeeling ass, which I have been told countless times by YOU,writers, is not so. Herein lies my biggest gripe with Night Shift - the fundamental shift in the personalities of the characters.

I don’t care if this is alternate reality or whatever the hell you want to call it. Why as a GH viewer should I be punished for watching both shows? I watch soaps because I know the characters and I have a sense for who they are since I see them basically 5 days a week 52 weeks out of the year. I’m comfortable watching them. Why would you completely change that? To benefit a new viewer? How exactly does that work? I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t. Number 1, you’re alienating long time viewers who have come to expect certain things from these characters. Number 2, I can guarantee that 99% of the viewers watching Night Shift tune in because they watch GH. And number 3, any unfortunate new viewer who may have stumbled across said show, would have changed the channel in the first five minutes, because as mentioned before THE CHARACTERS ARE COMPLETELY UNLIKEABLE.

I will reiterate that I completely understand that drama and angst come with the territory, but this is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t get why the writers feel the need to be so completely self-destructive with characters all of the time or why they are so uncreative. A third-party is an incredibly unoriginal storyline and it’s a shame to waste something so lame on two great actors playing two characters with such interesting backgrounds that could be an endless source of intriguing future storylines. Why must the writers create another heartless bitch (i.e. Leyla)? She has been after Patrick for weeks which is not alright when someone is involved with another person. Adultery/cheating is so old and I can pretty much guarantee that no one enjoys watching it.

I am back to counting down the days to the end of this God-forsaken show, but I'm still a tad peeved because it looks like this crap will continue on General Hospital once Night Shift is mercifully ended. There are rumors flying (although it may have been confirmed by now) that Leyla will cross over to General Hospital and I honestly do not think I be able to swallow this crap on daytime. And how is this supposed to work anyway? Can we pretend that the NS stuff didn't happen? I mean GH Jason was in jail while NS Jason was a janitor so would it follow that NS Patrick is an ass and GH Patrick is sweet? What about the breakup? Since it happened on NS then are they still together on GH? If they're expecting storylines to crossover, then will they break Robin and Patrick up on GH just to even things out? Two breakups? Oh goody!

In all seriousness I do have one question and if anyone has an answer for me, I would love to hear it:

What the hell did we do to deserve this type of torture?

Dispenser of Wisdom is Right

Georgie Jones is an incredibly underused character which is a shame because Lindze Letherman appears to be a talented actress (I can't be certain since she gets zero screen time).


When she finally popped up on my screen this week I was of course pleased to see her, but I love her even more now that she's willing to point out the reality of Jason's lifestyle.


Georgie: You're not Jason, and all of the shooting lessons in the world is not going to make you that.
Spinelli: But he could teach me to be more like him.
Georgie: I don't mean any offense by this, but why would you want to be? I -- you know, I don't know jason all that well, but from what I can see, he lives a pretty bleak life. And let's be honest -- he kills people for sonny.

So they do understand that Jason KILLS PEOPLE. It only makes it that much more perplexing that he is continually portrayed as a hero.

Georgie: Ok. Even if all the people that Jason's ever killed deserved it, it is still a relentlessly negative, destructive way to live your life. Spinelli, you are smart and funny, and, you know, obviously, you're a genius on the computer. But I can tell by the way that you talk that you read and you expand your mind, and you are curious about things. What's jason interested in? What -[Georgie sighs] Have you ever seen the guy enthusiastic about anything? I understand that he's brain-damaged -- and he probably can't help himself -- but why would anybody choose a life like that, especially you?

Do you see how easy it was to just state the facts? I didn't think I could have been more delighted with Georgie's insight, but then I was pleasantly surprised because I was treated to more of Miss Jones dishing out the truth today.

Georgie: What if Jason died tomorrow?

(Sweetie, Guza would never let that happen)

Spinelli: That's a bit of a harsh hypothetical.
Georgie: Oh -- ok, that -- that came out really harsh. I'm so sorry for that. No, no, this is in reference to the conversation that we were having earlier. Jason kills people for a living for Sonny. I mean, he is -- he's a hit man, which, logic would suggest, that other people are trying to kill him, too. Which makes him a target, which makes it very, very dangerous for you to be living with him. But that -- that's not my point. I know that broadening your intellectual horizons may not sound great right now, but it's really shortsighted. I mean, you don't plan on being a tech guy for the mob forever, do you?

Georgie is wise beyond her years, or maybe it's simply because everyone around her is made to look like idiots. Oh and by the way, this:

Adorable. I could totally get behind this pairing, as long as Georgie doesn't have to go over to the dark side in the process.

Nice to Meet You

Night Shift writers, I'd like you to meet Patrick Drake and Robin Scorpio, the real ones.





The next time you want to write about an existing soap couple, I suggest that you get to know them before your attempts to write them makes them completely unrecognizable to fans.

Just Saying

This week's General Hospital was like a messed up version of those couple game shows in the '60s. It believe it was called "Let's See Which Couple is the Most Screwed Up!"

Unhappy Couple #1 - Here we have the hopeless romantic billionaire who can never seem to get it right in the relationship department. His partner is the girl from the Florida trailer park who clawed her way up the social ladder. He likes grand romantic gestures and sweeping women off their feet. She hates vegetables, not getting her way and underwire support. Meet Carly and Jax!

Jerry "saved" this wonderful couple by killing his ex (I'm sorry, was I supposed to feel sorry for him?) and the first thing they did after being reunited was argue about Jax's recent sexual activity.

Jax: You're trying to accuse me of -- of cheating on you when I was forced into it. You slept with Sonny because you still have feelings for him, because you wanted to sleep with him. So if anyone should be called a cheater here, it's you, not me.

Hooray for Jax calling out Carly, but this whole thing was ridiculous. I was willing to go along with this story because the writers could explore the issue of male rape which isn't discussed often. I thought maybe the powers that be were taking the time to explore this interesting issue, but that was all shot to hell with this totally non P.C. moment:

Carly: When Irina held Jax prisoner, she amused herself by having him beaten -- which, I'm sure, was very horrible for him. So if I were a better person, I would be grateful that she moved on from torturing him to wanting to sleep with him. I me, it's not like Jax was a willing participant at all. I mean, he was basically raped. Don’t. Don't -- don't even look like that. It's not funny. Guys can be forced into it, sort of, especially when the woman in question is threatening to kill me and my children.

Jason laughed at the prospect of Jax being raped. I kid you not. Read my lips GH execs:

RAPE IS NOT FUNNY

If they want to turn this into a rape story fine, but you don't do that joking about such a serious issue. Way to be sensitive guys. High five.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #2 - She's a girl from the wrong side of the tracks who made a name for herself as the editor of a famous fashion magazine. He's a boy from the same side of the tracks as his high school sweetheart and is now the best "coffee importer" in the Northeast. She enjoys high fashion and standing up straight. He hates hearing the word "no" and drinking water instead of scotch. Ladies and gentlemen, Kate and Sonny.

In a gross, slightly incestuous turn of events, Trevor Lansing, Ric's father, came to town not only to do some scouting for some new New York crime boss named Zaccara, but to visit his old girlfriend Kate Howard. I was glad to see him force Ric into dropping Kate's charges because I really didn't want to have to sit through that trial, but other than that, I have no use for the character because he's clearly a giant prick.

Apparently Sonny was unpleased with these new developments because after seeing Kate kissing Trevor, he threw a hissy fit to Jason.

Sonny: I don't have time, Jason. Right now I got a lot of things going on, important things that are bothering me.
Jason: What is going on?
Sonny: I just saw Ric's father sticking his tongue down Kate’s throat.

Important things? So, Kate playing tonsil hockey with Sonny's stepfather is more "important" than say the war in Iraq, world hunger and global warming? Huh. Silly me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #3 - She's an ex-con who's decided to get back in the game to get her some revenge against her recent ex and his lover. He's a former Quartermaine heir who now takes orders from a man half his size. She hates empty liquor cabinets and Elizabeth Spencer. He enjoys playing with firearms and prefers to communicate by blinking instead of using his words. Let's hear it for Jason and Sam everybody!

After discovering that Sam was behind Elizabeth's accostal in the park, he decided it was time to pay her a surprise visit in her apartment and lay down the law.

Sam: Jason, I gave up everything to be with you! I was shot because of you! I cannot have kids because of you, and then you go and have one with Elizabeth?
Jason: You stay away from Elizabeth; don't go near her children or her again.
Sam: What, are you threatening me?
Jason: If you hurt them -- again -- in any way, I will kill you.

Wow. Between laughing at rape and threatening to kill the woman you supposedly used to love, Jason, your likeability points are well into the negatives my friend.

Sam: "Stone cold." "Stone cold" -- now, there is a nickname that is literally dead-on. Jason doesn't know how to love, and he will turn on anyone that gets in his way.

True dat.

Don't get me wrong, Sam's not completely innocent in all of this. Plotting revenge by sleeping with a married man isn't what I call innocent.

Sam: Well, I'm surprised -- you had the chance to warn Lucky and you didn’t.
Jason: About what?
Sam: Well, I told you I was going to get him into bed -- and I will.
Jason: Lucky doesn't deserve this.

Really, Jason? Preytale what does Lucky deserve and where was this concerned attitude when you were sleeping with his wife?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #4 - She's a bad girl turned good and then pulled a U-ey back to bad. He's a cop with a heart of gold, but a brain that's turned to mush. She loves Jason and well....................Jason. He hates having to prove himself to everybody. Meet Elizabeth and Lucky.

Ms. Lizzie wasn't to pleased to find out about Lucky's extra job as Sam's bodyguard and I really don't care. For all of her complaints about her husband's affairs, I don't think it really matters to her what he does. I think she hopes he does sleep with Sam so she'll have a reason to leave him, because it's obvious to everyone that she wants Jason. If they try and make Liz look a victim when all is said and done, oh I can promise that someone will be hearing from me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #5 - He's the bad buy with a southern drawl and a chip on his shoulder. She's the rebellious daughter with a bad sense of judgement. He enjoys working for the mob in hopes of gaining money and power. She enjoys ignoring authority and going for joyrides in Mr. Q's Bentley. Here is Logan and Lulu.

Logan and Lulu were well on their way to sleeping together again when Logan stopped things after spotting Maxie spying from the closet. Um. Ew. To cover, he tells Lulu he wants to prove to her that their relationship is about more than just sex (yeah right) and takes her to a carnival. After a confrontation with stalker Maxie, who Coop pulled out of the bushes, Logan headed to Ric's office, per his command, and Lulu headed to Carly's for advice. Instead of meeting up later, Logan went back to his apartment where he found Maxie. She threatened to tell Lulu about their deal if Logan doesn't sleep with her, which he does. Wow. Port Charles men are so easy. Yeah, this realtionship wasn't doomed from the start.

*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #6 - She's the quiet peacemaker who believes love will find a way. He's the real life prince that comes from a dark and twisty family. She enjoys making love on the living room floor. He hates psycho nannies and chasing twisted grandmothers across the globe. Please welcome Nikolas and Emily!

First off, it was nice to see these two strangers. It really has been a while. Okay, so for some reason Nikolas was hell-bent taking Emily on vacation this week. If I had to warrant a guess, I'd say he was arranging a proposal because that's what this couple does. The get together. Marry. Divorce. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. When Emily cites work as the reason she can't leave, Nikolas goes to the hospital and uses his weight with Ford.

Nikolas: Shut up and listen, because I won't say this twice. Emily will do whatever and talk to whomever she pleases in the hospital, and if you try and stop her, I'll just fire you, destroy your reputation, and make sure you're changing bedpans in the geriatric ward.

As much as I love the visual of Ford cleaning bedpans, what is Nikolas' deal? He's all angry recently. I'm wondering if his anger and her cryptic "I have something to discuss with you" are ways of setting up a story for them. Wait, I have watched this show before, so probably not so much.

This definitely looks like a repeat of last year's "Summer of Seduction" (aka Summer of Sleaze). I don't care how much you smoked, it wasn't a good idea then and it still isn't a good idea now. ::shrugs:: I'm just saying.

Most Brutally Honest Moment of the Week Award

I cannot believe I almost forgot to mention this. No introduction is necessary because this little gem pretty much speaks for itself:

Jax: Does my wife tell you everything?
Jason: Whether I like to hear it or not.
Jax: Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.