The Cassadines
I know life for a Cassadine is tough, but man did this year suck for them. Let’s start with Alexis. She battled lung cancer despite the fact that she never smoked and what could have been a kickass story for a kickass actress got very little attention after the start of the year. Apparently with Alexis, there is no such thing as too much misery because the tragedy kept piling up. In addition to cancer, she was arrested for smoking pot to cope with the chemo effects, had Molly taken away in yet another custody battle, was dancing on the edge of another pairing with a psycho and then developed appendicitis at the exact moment she was trapped on Spoon island with doctors, but none of the appropriate medical equipment. What do you think about all of this Alexis?
Exactly.
Her daughter’s year wasn’t much better. Sam was given another backstory where she was a con woman who married rich men and divorced them. She killed one of the men (in self-defense of course) and his daughter sought vengeance by giving Sam her own television show.
:::crickets:::
Yes, she wanted to make her famous and then take it all away. That was her diabolical plan.
:::crickets:::
Ladies and gentleman, the first idiotic storyline of 2007.
Amelia, you are an embarrassment to soap villains everywhere. I will say that despite the crappy material, Annie Wersching was not a bad actress, especially when compared to her temporary recast. Someone out there must agree because I believe she’s currently filming for 24 and because of that, her character's been MIA. This is definitely one story I’m not sad to see go.
Sam’s year got steadily worse as she discovered she could not have kids, allowed Jake to be kidnapped by a slightly deranged guest on her show, hired men to threaten Elizabeth and her children, lost Jason and then once again did the adultery thing when she slept with Lucky while still married to Liz. While totally skeevy, I’m willing to let that last one go in the name of hotness. Just in case you missed the steamy hookup:
Trust me, it was hot.
Our final Cassadine is prince Nikolas. His year started off battling Helena to reclaim his son. Then he survived the Metro Court explosion only to be once again be taken hostage by Craig/Jerry. GH’s newest villain injected Nikolas with some poison to keep him in line and when Robin found out about it, he forced them to pretend they were in love.
Idiotic storyline #2.
Nikolas survived that and reunited with Emily right before he started having random rage outbursts, lost the love of his life in his own house after becoming engaged said love and then regained lost love in the form of a ghost or some hallucination, which may or may not be caused by an inoperable brain tumor that could be genetic.
Hooray for surviving, I guess?
The Quartermaines/Spencers/Baldwins
The Q’s continued to be ignored except when they were paraded out for Alan and Emily’s death. Someone thought it was a good idea to bring Alan back (presumably because of fan outrage) as a humorous ghost/conscience thingy who haunts Tracy because she forged his will.
Someone thought wrong.
While Alan and Tracy’s bantering can be amusing, the fact that Stuart Damon has been reduced to playing a wise-cracking, tracksuit-wearing apparition is beyond insulting.
Oh yes, this version of Alan also got Tracy committed for the summer, but she managed to break herself out and the Q’s continued to shrink as Dillon said adios and headed for Hollywood. Pretty sure Scott Clifton saw the writing on the wall and decided to get out while the getting was good. I think we have a new Ned in training.
Lucky continued to take hits last year and the irony of his name and his life is still sooooooo not amusing. He proposed to Elizabeth, again; married her, again; divorced her, again; and agreed to take care of a son that isn’t his, again. Yes, in case you missed it, Jake is Jason’s son, not Lucky’s because Lucky’s not allowed to have anything.
Scott Baldwin made his way back to town, but the writing for him has been insanely sloppy. Let’s see, history was rewritten and he is now the murderer of Rick Webber and let Laura take the fall for it.
Nice.
Then he sued for custody of Laura and won. It was ridiculous that he won because he is not related to her. If they wanted Lulu to find out about her mother’s rape, there could have been so many other better ways to do it, but God forbid this show do anything that isn’t ridiculous.
Scott’s reappearance to the canvas brought the creation of a new character, his son.
Scott was unaware that Logan Hayes was his son until a DNA test confirmed it. He fell for Lulu, which caused some issues for her father and stepmother given their Baldwin hate, so of course Lulu fell for Logan too. Things ended badly for them after Maxie was tossed into the mix. Maxie became jealous of Lulu after seeing the young Spencer hanging out with her boyfriend Coop, one of the Metro Court hostage takers, and devised a revenge plot. I can’t even discuss this skeevy storyline because it was a retread of the Alexis/Ric/Sam/Jason/Liz/Lucky crap of last summer. I hated it the first time and it wasn’t any better the second time.
Lulu eventually gave Logan another chance in exchange for Scott returning custody of her mother to Nikolas. Of course her reconciliation with her ex isn’t going to last because the GH execs are incapable of keeping Lulu with one guy for too long and she now has her eye on a new mobster named Johnny Zacchara.
The Jones/Scorpios/Drakes
Georgie was virtually invisible in 2007 except when they paraded her out to have her feelings ignored by Spinelli only to finally meet her demise at the hands of another awful serial killer storyline. Way to show respect to the daughter of a legacy character GH.
Way to go, guys. Way. To. Go.
Georgie’s cousin Robin didn’t fare much better this year. Her boyfriend got his HIV tests results back (negative of course) and the whole event was a let down considering the storyline took six months to tell. Patrick and Robin had an amusing storyline in the summer where, with the help of Anna, they helped Noah impersonate an 80s rocker. Ridiculous story, but it was intentionally silly so, I’ll let it slide.
I know everyday is a bad day for Robin Scorpio, but 2007 is now synonymous with the destruction of this character. She broke up with Patrick because she wants to have kids and he doesn’t, which is fine, but why does she have to become unrecognizable in the process? Since breakup # 476 with Patirck, she's just done so many things that are well, out of character.
Jacks/Corinthos/Morgan/Alcazars (aka the mob)
Where do I even start? Carly married Sonny (again) to keep from testifying against him in the trial for Lorenzo’s shooting, while she was engaged to Jax. When her fiancée showed up, not only was she married to her ex, but she had slept with him and then justified it because they were married. Never mind the fact that Sonny lied to keep her married to him. For some reason, Jax got over it and proposed to Carly who then divorced Sonny and married Jax within like the span of a week.
I’m pretty sure that’s some kind of record and no, that's not a compliment.
Of course their marriage didn’t stand a chance with Jax always chasing after his brother, who happens to be James Craig, the psycho behind the Metro Court hostage situation.
Ladies and gentleman, idiotic storyline #643.
Despite all the crap Jerry pulled, Jax still tried to protect his brother and that led to him being taken hostage by Irina, Jerry’s crazy ex. During this stupid storyline, Jax was raped and instead of addressing this socially relevant issue, it was dismissed and joked about.
It’s moments like these that make me pray for someone to pull the plug on Robin and Patrick’s obviously upcoming HIV baby storyline. There’s no way the GH execs could take this seriously and I’m pretty sure the story would end up being just plain offensive.
Meanwhile, Jason got a reprieve from Carly so he could do what he does, no not importing coffee, killing people. Lorenzo’s brain damage turned out to be fake, which made him look like a jerk because he’d been allowing Skye to risk his life for him. She in turn helped Jason kill him.
Ah, love.
This eventually led to Jason’s 395th murder trial which of course he got out of. After dumping Sam, he’s continued pining after Liz now that he knew Jake was his.
Recently, he’s devoted his attention to hooking up with Liz in secret because that’s how you deal with losing your sister.
Okay then.
I thought we could get a reprieve from Sonny the mobster and spend some time with single Sonny, but I was wrong. 2007 brought the return of an old flame from Bensonhurst named Connie. The mobster’s teenage love has since changed her name to Kate and has become quite the fashion icon. I liked her at first because she didn’t fall for Sonny’s crap, but eventually she gave in to his "charm" and she is now just another notch on his bedpost and my dreams have been sufficiently crushed.
Another new face was Trevor Lansing. He had a past relationship with Kate and he is now trying to use the Zaccharas (yet another mob family) to get back at Sonny. God forbid we make this about Ric and Trevor, you know, his father? The reason he is the way he is?
Why is it that the only family that counts on this show are mob families?
Yeah, I don't know either.
So in summation, General Hospital is a shadow of its former self. I’d tell you that things can’t possibly get any worse, but I don’t like to make a habit of lying.
Caps by Clarissa.
1 comment:
I agree with everything you said. I have quit watching General Hospital because of it. I used to watch it with my mother when I was a child. (since it first started) they need to fire some writers.
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