Just Saying

Oh show, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

The biggest reason I hate you this week is because of how you're ruining the character of Luke Spencer. Luke FREAKIN' Spencer!! Have you no shame? First, Lucky goes missing, which by the way is getting annoying because it is now totally cliché that Lucky is constantly dying or missing. Lucky is unlucky we get the joke so please STOP IT!! Anyway, Luke's kid is missing, but does he go after him? No. He stays put in the stupid ballroom. Seriously? Wasn't it Luke Spencer who broke into the MetroCourt to save Lulu and was all screw everyone else I just want my kid? That's what I thought.

Speaking of the MetroCourt, Luke and Jerry's screaming match over what to do was ridiculous. Why should Luke listen to him? As a matter of fact, why should anyone listen to Jerry? Is everyone's memory really that bad? Remember that little hostage thing about 8 months ago where Jerry held Lulu at gunpoint?

This same man is now suddenly playing hero so everyone thinks it's alright to do what he says? Whatev.

Sadly, Luke Spencer spent the majority of the week doing nothing. He told everyone it was best to stay put and then did so himself. Um what? The real Luke Spencer tells everyone it's best to stay put and then he goes running in the opposite direction. You know, toward the danger. Tracy showed up, quite hilariously I might add, and while these two play well off of each other Luke's dialogue is quite frankly pissing me off:

Luke: Tracy, I'm serious. This marriage has changed me. It's kicked me out of the rut that I've been in for so long. And now, no matter where I go or how long I'm gone, you've given me something I never had before -- a reason to come back.

You didn't have a reason to come back? Um, what about the Haunted Star? Quartermaine boose? Barbara Jean? Lucky? Lulu? Oh that's right. The powers that be have decided to turn her into a banshee shrieking, mini Carly. Nevermind.

Finally, Luke goes after Zacchara (by the way, how did Z know who Luke was?) and in the middle of it he has a heart attack. Are you serious? This is your big cliff hanger? Number one, a heart attack is a complete ripoff of February sweeps when Alan met his demise from that totally unnecessary cardiac arrest (yes, I'm still bitter about that). Number two, I'm not concerned about Luke dying because

a) The writers are surely not that dumb. Thousands of loyal fans would quit watching which would cripple GH's already faltering ratings and/or the same fans would storm the General Hospital set with pitchforks.

b) Tony Geary would never let his character go out with so mundane an exit as a heart attack.

Oh no. The infamous Luke Spencer would go down with guns blazing. He'd single-handedly save the entire town by diffusing all bombs save one (the world's only bomb unable to be diffused) and while the counter ticked down he'd tell his angel he'd see her soon before singing "Happy Trails" or "Don't Fence Me In" with a cigar in one hand and a bottle of brandy in the other, at the very least. Why? Because he's Lucas Lorenzo Spencer damn it!

Another vet who keeps getting treated like crap is Alexis. Why must they keep picking on her? I mean appendicitis? Really? I'm wondering who Nancy Lee Grahn ticked off because I swear it looks like there's a contest going on behind the scenes to see who can come up with a new way for Alexis' body to continually betray her.

Writer #1 - Giving Alexis cancer even though she's never smoked? Been there. Done that.

Writer #2 - How about we give her appendicitis at the exact moment she's trapped on an island where it's impossible to give her an appendectomy?

Writer #1 - Brilliant idea! High five!

Another thing that irks me is why when the room is stocked full of medical personnel, did no one examine Alexis? Oh that's right. Leyla did. She's so fabulous that when Alexis told the nurse she was fine, she backed off without actually examining her. Does anyone else remember a certain incident on the night shift when a certain student nurse left an HIV-positive pregnant woman with placental accretia on an elevator with Spinelli so she could go chat with some patients in her native tongue? How does this woman still have a job?

On a positive note, Nancy Lee Grahn is a freakin' chemistry machine and I got to enjoy some good scenes with Jax and Ric.

How good of a friend is Alexis? She offered to wait, despite her agony, for Jax to find Carly, a woman who hates her guts. Well who knows where she is :::cough:::with Sonny:::cough::: so Jax decided to leave. He was last seen getting Alexis to safety (which wouldn't be necessary if the writers would quit trying to kill her from the inside out) and Ric is unconscious so that means no more interaction between these characters. Effin show.

Since I sort of got off on a Carly tangent I think we should continue. First of all, if Carly tells me one more time how Ric chained her to a wall, I'm going to scream. If this is how it's going to be, I think it's only fair that people like Ric get to throw Carly's past in her face everytime they meet.

Why hello, Carly. Remember the time you came to town with the sole purpose of seducing your mother's husband as revenge for her giving you up for adoption and then you shot him point blank in court? Good times.

Carly generally annoys me, but she definitely gave me some giggles this week when she told Sam to quit shrieking. It was a great pot/kettle moment. Ah yes and the winner this week for the best anti-Carly statement came from Jason.

Carly: What did you guys do to him, how much blood did you take? Sonny?
Robin: Carly, we are all guessing here. We don't have anything resembling the right equipment. We don't know --
Carly: So we have no idea when he's going to wake up --
Jason: Carly, please, leave Robin alone and help Sonny.
Robin: Jason, I'm sorry. I -- I thought he was fine.
Jason: No, no, no, you have nothing to apologize for.

Not only did Jason DEFEND Robin to Carly, but he told Robin NOT to apologize. The writers even took it a step further and had Sonny express concern about Zacchara hurting Robin. Someone remembered that these characters all used to be friends? Now I know I must be hallucinating.

While we're on the subject of Sonny giving Ric a transfusion, I want to go on record saying this does not make him a hero. He only did it so he could, excuse my bluntness, keep screwing Kate.

Sonny: I don't give a damn about my brother. I did it for you.

I rest my case

Spinelli's presence fluctuates from entertaining to annoying, but this week, he earns major points for knocking Lulu out.

I'm sorry but she talks WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY too much these days and between her and Carly I have learned the meaning of the phrase "Silence is golden." Unfortunately, Nadine told Lulu what happened once she regained consciousness which sucks because it means Lulu will start yelling again, but Nadine does get some points for some straightforward point she made:

Nadine (to Jason): I'm sorry, but I still don't see who put you in charge.

Nadine (to Spinelli): Just because you don't race around with a gun insisting on doing everything yourself doesn't mean you're a wimp. It means you're smart.

Did she just inadvertently call Jason stupid? Nice! Unfortunately, I had to take all those points back when she suggested that her, Spinelli and Elizabeth should all go outside to meet the gunman. Right. So, when can we start killing the newbies?

Finally, what's up with psycho Zacchara? Did he eat his Popeye spinach or what? How is it that Nikolas couldn't take him? I don't understand how he keeps getting away. I'm disappointed guys. I mean, tiny Maxie managed to get a good hit in with that vase. Oh well. Maybe next week. Oh and while we're discussing Maxie, Lucky, honey you know I love you, but was it really wise to leave Maxie to find her own way back to the ballroom when the psycho managed to snatch her from said full room of people?

At the end of week two, the body count is as follows:

2 dead handlers
1 dead servant
1 maimed D.A.

5 dead mercenaries

1 case of appendicitis

3 head injuries

1 heart attack

So the whole mercenary thing isn't quite adding up for me, but I don't suppose it ever will because fixing plot holes isn't high on GH exec's list.

I'm just saying.

Caps courtesy of Clarissa and Laurieluvsliason