The Soap Box

Did You See That?

2008-03-18T17:35:00.019-05:00

Um, did you guys see General Hospital today? There were so many random occurrences that I thought I would never see. I'm still in shock and looking for confirmation that they did in fact happen.

First, Patrick Drake actually said he was "glad" he was the father of Robin's baby.

Excuse me?

Mr. I-Never-Want-Children-Because-Bros-Come-Before-Hoes-Grunt-Grunt-Scratch-Scratch?

Even stranger than that, I think I saw him and Robin getting along and get this, smiling at one another. It's been so long since I've seen these two be anything even close to civil to one another that I forgot what it looked like.

Oh now I remember.

It's adorable.

Because the-powers-that-be knew they couldn't completely win back my Patrick love with that one move, they took it a step further. They let him call Carly an "ignorant bitch"!!!!!!

Be still my heart!

Okay, so technically it was Claudia, but she's being played by Carly's original portrayer Sarah Brown, the same actress responsible for Cottage Hell so I'll take it.

It would've been nice (though admittedly unprofessional) if he had said this to the patient's face. However, he did defend Robin's HIV status to Carly, I mean Claudia. This is the second time in a month Patrick has semi stood up to Carly over Robin.

Yes dear, I too was shocked.

I know, I know Patrick technically yelled at Claudia, but once a Carly, always a Carly so I'll take it.

I'm not quite ready to write "I heart Patrick Drake" on my T-shirt yet, but close.

Since we can never seem to escape Carly, we'll continue with the Carly theme.

For the first time in a long time, I was happy to see Carly on my screen because she didn't utter a single word through the entire show. Carly's soul (?) silently hung out at Jake's with Jason while her body was rescued by Ric.

Yes, that's right. Ric Lansing. I know the execs like to write him as the bad guy, but someone out in L.A. has apparently wised up and decided that him fighting for redemption would be a far more interesting story.

Bless you, sir. Bless you.

Last, but certainly not least we were treated to Sonny getting his ass royally kicked by Johnny.

I'm not advocating the gratuitous violence on this show in the slightest; however, after the crap Sonny has put Johnny through for something he didn't even do, I thought it was the least he deserved. I am very well aware this will spark the next great mob war, but it's so rare that we Sonny get his that I'll ignore that fact for now and watch the Sonny ass-kicking on a loop. Should anyone be so inclined, I think it's a hilarious Youtube video waiting to happen.

Caps provided by Laurie.

Just Saying - two weeks edition

2008-03-17T10:19:00.017-05:00

General Hospital fans watched a literal cliffhanger when Diego’s car was left hanging over the edge of a bridge. After Jason pulled Elizabeth from the wreckage, he fell backward, knocking himself unconscious and severely damaging his hands. I’m still not sure how he accomplished that last one but whatevs.

Meanwhile, Sam was left to plummet to her death……

......or was she?

The Everyday Hero managed to grab hold of the railing (even though it was a totally impossible feat) and hang on until Lucky came to her aid. That’s right, a wounded Lucky Spencer managed to crawl over to the edge and pull his ex to safety……

…with one arm……

..….all while looking gorgeous.

Who’s the hero now beeyotch?

P.S. - Michael Conforti, I totally heart you for letting Lucky be the hero for once. God knows now that the strike’s over, it’ll be another decade before I see that again.

While the quartet awaited help on the bridge, Diego escaped, but Maxie and Spinelli were hot on his trail, that is, until they hit a minor snag. Maxie managed to get herself stuck in a sewer grate, which while amusing, was totally unbelievable. Why you ask. Simple. Kirsten Storms is tiny and there’s no way she was unable to shimmy through those bars.

Kirsten, I say this with love: Please eat a muffin. Or two.

Being as thin as that fake metal pole is not in, I don’t care what the crazy fashionistas are saying.

When the young sleuths escaped, they tracked Diego to a warehouse on the wharf. Spinelli had an unfortunate encounter with chloroform, so Maxie led the way and ran straight into Diego. She managed to escape from the psycho who resumed his earlier scuffle with Nikolas. Alcazar’s son slipped and accidentally hung himself, which I thought was a just ending.

Nikolas and Maxie lost a lot from this whole mess so it was fitting that they were there in the end and I’m glad neither were responsible for killing the text message killer.

Back at the hospital, Jason received news that had mobsters everywhere rejoicing: he could lose the use of his deadly hands. Elizabeth kept close watch on him, which of course Carly didn’t like. A cat fight ensued and Epiphany broke it up. Now I have a love/hate relationship with this women, but in moments like these, she becomes my best friend:

Epiphany: I need you on 10.
Carly: We're not done yet.
Epiphany: I said I needed Nurse Webber. You will get out of her way and let her do her job.
Carly: You don't need to be pushy.
Epiphany: I said I needed Nurse Webber on the 10th floor. You will get out of her way or, heart attack or not, I will turn you upside down and mop this floor with your hair.

Anyone who stands up to Carly is alright in my book.

Sam also landed herself back in the hospital and Lucky serendipitously found some new leads on her hit-and-run. He watched Monica and Tracy’s very public blow up in the middle of the hospital and now knows she was driving the night of the accident. He also overheard Jason and Liz discussing the possibility that she hit Sam. Poor Lucky confronted them and now he’s trying to keep it covered up. Sam overhead Lucky and Elizabeth’s discussion which was the cherry on the top of her day. Not only could she not be released from the hospital, but her cousin collapsed from a brain tumor and she lost her job at Everyday Heroes. Oh and let’s not forget she’s also under the suspiciously watchful eye of Dr. Devlin, who by the way, is in cahoots with Jerry Jax.

I knew that guy was creepy!

This sucks though because one of Patrick’s friends is now tied to the mob and Dr. Drake’s lack of mob connections was one of his best characteristics. That’s clearly going out the window now because he was even defending Jason against Cruz (he‘s still alive??!!).

Kind of makes you miss Pete Martinez doesn’t it?

Adolescent, bachelor behavior I could deal with. Psycho who lives for illicit dealings, not so much.
I still don’t have Devlin completely figured out, but I don’t have to. He’s clearly bad news. He’s paying way too much attention to the Cassadines and maybe we’ll see why later. I would love to get Monica off the hook so my theory is Devlin hit Sam and feels guilty about it now. I’m not sure about his connection to Nikolas though.

The Dark Prince didn’t take Devlin’s secret drug and refused surgery so he eventually collapsed. He was rushed to surgery where he flatlined and tried to follow Emily to the other side. They met in their engagement party attire (they’re getting a lot of mileage out of that dress). Emily attempted to convince Nikolas that he needed to fight for his son, who apparently has been a victim of SORAS.

However, I’m not completely positive because I can't remember the last time we saw Spencer on screen, so maybe it really has been that long.

Emily said goodbye to her prince, but you know, after the gazillionth time, it’s starting to lose it’s affect. Would it be too much to get some kind of disclaimer telling me if this is the last, last time they’ll see each other or the last, last, last time?

After waking up, Nikolas threw a hissy fit in the OR and the surgery was canned. Mr. Cassadine manages to get enough strength to walk around the hospital and meet Devlin in a dark basement where he scores some illegal pills that will “prolong” his condition.

::Sigh::

If we do another pain pill addiction storyline with Lucky’s brother, I will probably scream. Secondly, has it occurred to anyone that maybe, just maybe the unknown drug Jerry injected into Nikolas at this same time last year, was the cause of this tumor and perhaps tossing more unknown drugs into his system may not be the best idea?

No?

Well, I’m just throwing it out there for you.

A casualty in Nikolas’ outrage was Robin. She was kicked in the stomach which sent Patrick into panic mode. It’s been interesting watching him cope with the idea of fatherhood during this last week. A highlight for me was his chat with Elizabeth.

That relationship has always been one-sided because Elizabeth was always dumping her problems on Patrick so this pep talk was a long time coming. By the end of the week, Patrick and Robin admitted to still loving each other, but as far as Robin was concerned, nothing had changed. That’s progress I guess.

Another child in danger was Michael who was still hiding out at Peg’s and his parents were still concerned about his whereabouts. Maxie and Spinelli tried to help Jason find Michael and I was just as impressed with Ms. Jones’ detective skills as the slacker hacker was. I think it would actually be kind of cool if Maxie went into this P.I. thing. It’d be a nice little tribute to her parents, don’t you think?

I want to compliment the two GH writers for balancing out the scenes between this couple. You get the incredibly sweet moments like the two of them visiting Georgie’s grave on her birthday mixed in with the silliness of Spinelli losing his clothes. Who knew that’s what was under those baggy clothes? Color me impressed.

When Michael still didn’t turn up, Sonny continued pressuring the Zaccharas to return his son and he actually took his frustrations out on Jason. Sorry, but for someone who’s supposed to think so highly of Jason, Sonny treated him like crap by accusing him of getting injured on purpose. I try to not completely despise any character, but good Lord it’s hard to like that guy when he’s constantly acting like a spoiled child who didn’t get what they wanted. Dude needs to learn to be appreciative. For example, be thankful that Kate forgave you for sleeping with Claudia.

Speaking of the newest mobster in town, Claudia attempted to make deals right and left this week to try and get her brother back. This included going to Ric and bargaining for his waterfront properties. Ric rejected her offer because he’s trying to turn over a new leaf, etc. etc., and I really hope it sticks. I’m sure now that the strike’s over, he’s going to return to being the villain, but I applaud the interim staff for attempting to clean up the mess that is Ric and Alexis’ relationship. Ric handed his position as DA back over to Alexis and she was surprised to say the least. I choose to ignore the unrealistic nature of passing a job back and forth like a baton because I want these two to make up. I’ll take anything that can be counted as baby steps towards reconciling a situation that was really screwed up.

Like I said, I’m sure this optimistic outlook will be short lived because Ric found Mariana down on the docks with a dead Randy. Meanwhile, at the same time in the same place, we had Michael confessing to Carly, Claudia exchanging shipping lanes with Sonny in return for Johnny and Trevor putting a hit on Claudia. Of course all these people were in the same location of course, the execs had an excuse to blow something up again.

This time the bomb wasn’t exactly the work of another mobster. Spinelli accidentally activated the explosive devices Diego planted and we’ll have to wait for Monday to see who survives the wreckage.

I realized this post was slightly more positive than usual, but no worries. With the writers’ strike over I’m sure I’ll be back to my overly critical self in no time. With the old team at the helm, the show will likely return to the shipwreck we all know and love to hate.

I’m just saying.

Screen caps courtesy of Clarissa.

Just Saying - February Sweeps

2008-03-02T22:41:00.012-06:00

So apparently when I said it would be a couple days, I clearly meant a couple of weeks. You know how it is when your evil twin who slept with your best friend’s father and was brutally murdered by the mayor’s crazy grandmother returns from the dead ……you have a lot of catching up to do.

I too have a lot to catching up to do as far as General Hospital is concerned so let’s get to it.

First of all, I was having a hard time remembering this was a sweeps month considering there was no giant catastrophe involving the entire cast as there have been during recent Februaries (MetroCourt hostage crisis, epidemic, Port Charles Hotel fire, etc). However, it was like all other sweep months in one respect - it kicked off with another flippin' pointless death.

Coop was found dead from an apparent suicide by hanging. Everyone, but Maxie, was convinced that he was guilty of being the text message killer and the drive to clear her boyfriend’s name led to an unlikely partnership between her and Spinelli. I’ve really been enjoying their scenes, probably because they are two young talented actors and because Kirsten Storms is a chemistry machine. I’ve really liked all of her pairings, from Matt Marraccini, to Jason Cook all the way back to her Disney channel days with Gregory Smith.

Yeah, I took it there.

Something that irks me, however, is the-powers-that-be are hitting some nerves with their storytelling. For example, Maxie’s already kissed Spinelli and poor Georgie spent months with him and got nowhere near first base. Granted, this kiss was a diversion, but I’m still angry that the writers gave Georgie yet another unrequited love when I’m convinced they already knew she was on her way out. Secondly, while the black and white flashbacks are cute, they’re awfully reminiscent of Dillon’s movie daydreams with Georgie.I adored those two and trying to redo that magic with this new soon-to-be couple (I'm assuming), doesn’t sit well with me. I think it’s still a little soon.

Anywhos, the spunky Jones girl was correct and unfortunately for Sam, the text message killer was still on the loose, clearly one more way karma was waiting to bite her in the butt. It all started when Liz told Lucky all of the nasty things the ex(?) con woman pulled in the name of revenge against Jason and Liz. This led to Lucky terminating his newfound relationship and while I was glad to see the Spencer boy stand up for himself, I hated to see him play the fool again.

I guess it had to be done to set up a story that I, for one, did not foresee.

Sam once again received threatening texts and when she called Lucky for help, he accused her of lying. Apparently for adults, the story of “Peter and the Wolf” features a serial killer instead of a furry animal. The TMK attacked Sam and their scuffle lands them on the outskirts of town during a rainstorm because you know, execs will find any reason to get Kelly Monaco soaking wet.

I know Sam’s supposed to be crafty and whatnot, but after her numerous assaults, don’t you think she would have learned to wear more sensible shoes? The "everyday hero" escaped the killer only to be hit by a car (talk about bad luck) and the driver could be Monica, Liz or Carly. I honestly never saw this coming and I was so excited to be surprised by something; however, I just wished the TMK storyline had been resolved before we kicked off the who-hit-Sam mystery.

While Sam was in the hospital recovering, Spinelli and Maxie decided Logan was the real killer and Lulu found a lot of incriminating evidence to support their theory. Logan tried to explain, but when Johnny showed up, he freaked and grabbed Lulu who ended up knocking him in the head with a wrench. Now soldier boy is in a coma and oh, and by the way, not the killer. I actually like the coma angle because it’s very soapy and nearly killing someone ties her back to her mother.

TMK is still on the loose and while the police start looking for him, he’s busy waiting for Sam at her apartment. Ladies and gentleman, the surprise of the month - the text message killer is Diego Alcazar!!!??!!!
I. Was. Floored.

There were no words for that little twist. Actually, there were words. I think it was something like “What the hell?” ...... repeated many times.

I actually liked this move for a couple of reasons. One, it’s totally soapy. Two, GH has been really bad about killing people with no signs of bringing them back. This gives me hope that they have not forgotten this little trick and in the future, some of these ridiculous deaths will be undone. For example, Lorenzo. I’ve always thought his return was possible because the audience never saw the death. Now that they revived Diego, a death we clearly saw, I know it’s totally doable. Third, I feel justified that Diego didn’t die because I always thought it was lame that he went out with one shot.

It was interesting the way he explained his motives and stuff, but Georgie’s death didn’t sit well with me. Diego said Georgie took Maxie’s place and he “almost” felt bad about her demise. Okay, that makes no sense.

Yes, I do know what soap I’m watching, but I expected a better explanation.

Diego couldn’t have mistaken Georgie for her sister because she was out in the open and clearly doesn’t look like Maxie. Secondly, Georgie stood up for Diego a lot and he decided to repay her by killing her? Um, no.

Diego’s scheme escalated when he took Sam and Elizabeth (wrong place, wrong time) on a ride that resulted in the car crashing and hanging over a bridge. Lucky showed up and before he can help, Diego shot him.

For the love of God, can Lucky ever NOT get shot and maybe be the hero for once?

Of course not, because here comes Jason to save the day.

P.S. - lame CGI. Go back to the-horrible-spinoff-that-shall-not-be-named and stay there.

Speaking of TMK victims, Emily continued hanging around Nikolas this month and she has become less perky about her posthumous state. During a seizure, Nikolas was able to see who really killed Emily, but to complete the memory, he had to go to Wyndermere where he and Emily relived their horrific engagement evening. It was really sad and I’m not sure dragging this out and having these two have to part again made for an entertaining storyline. I really do hope that these two get a better send off.

Even though Nikolas has the answer to who killed Emily, he still has his tumor because he’s a Cassadine and they can never be happy. Dr. Devlin put himself on this case and is pushing the prince to agree to an experimental treatment as long as he doesn’t tell anyone.

Oh this is going to end well.

I really don’t like this guy. He keeps yacking at Robin about being afraid to try an experimental drug which, by the way, is ridiculous.

Let’s review:

Robin and Patrick are always drug therapy vs. surgery. Robin has used experimental therapies in the past (i.e. Jason) so why are they suddenly making her all anti-experimental drugs? Is there a maximum on the number of GH doctors allowed to use experimental drugs? Either way, this dude is so shady and I was super excited to see him freak at the sight of Jerry.

No one screams shady quite like Jerry Jax and I’m glad to see my skepticism of the new doc is justified. Seriously, do they hire just anybody at this hospital? Have they ever heard of a background check?

Now that we’ve covered the death, why don’t we switch over to the life?

Robin found out she was pregnant and spilled the beans to Patrick and I have already discussed how much I hated her lie. Well, obviously no one cares about my feelings because the lie continued. Someone who did comment on the pregnancy was Nadine and for the first time I was thankful for Aunt Raylene. The new nurse’s ramblings gave Scrubs fans the morning after scene they were deprived of after the baby’s conception and I think it was a nice flashback.

Something that really bothered me about the pregnancy (in addition to everything else) was that none of Robin’s family got any kind of recognition scene. Maxie came to the hospital asking for help a couple of times and never acknowledged the baby. I thought maybe they didn’t know, until Mac mentioned the baby matter-of-factly. I’m really disappointed we didn’t get any happy “Uncle Mac, I’m pregnant” scenes. It was during the one Robin/Mac scene that’s allotted for each sweeps period, Patrick overheard Robin mention the baby’s father and things started to fall into place for him.

February was a good month Patrick’s character because I started to remember why I used to like him. The biggest thing was him was standing up to Carly. I have been dying for that moment and here’s what happened:

Jax: Oh. So who -- who do we congratulate, then?
Patrick: Robin went to a sperm bank, actually.
Carly: Couldn't find a real one?
Jax: You know --
Patrick: It was very brave and independent of her......

Sure, it wasn’t as aggressive as I would have liked, but considering I thought that day would never come, I’ll take it. Taking a slight tangent ......... I have to say I am so irritated that these women have to share their pregnancies at the same time as one another. You know this is going to end badly. At best, this feud is now going to continue through their children, at worst, someone is going to think a baby swap/stealing storyline will be ingenious.

FYI, it’s not, so don’t even try it. That means you, Mr. Head Writer.

Anyway, let’s try and refocus on the pretty.

That’s better.

So Patrick continued speaking highly of Robin to her and to others, did nice things for patients and gave her presents. I thought it was all sweet, but then I later realized that some of the gestures were probably him trying to get her to admit the truth about the baby. I’m not thrilled about the passive aggressive manner, but the truth is now out there and I am beyond relieved that there was no third party involved with this reveal. It was Patrick and Robin, one on one and I am so thankful that this lie did not last for months. Considering how bad this story was messed up, I’m surprised, but happy to see something go semi-right.

Another shock for me was seeing Luke reappear so soon and he’s probably rethinking the intelligence of that plan right about now since the Q’s are at war with one another. Tracy slapped Monica with a malpractice suit and Monica kicked Tracy out of HER house (the one Alan gave to her). Tracy has taken off the gloves and decided she doesn’t want Luke back and I’ve enjoyed watching her regain her spunk. Her fierceness matches her new fierce haircut. Luke doesn’t know the meaning of the word quit and he makeup to Tracy by discovering that Monica’s been becoming/is an alcoholic. It’s entirely possible she hit Sam in her drunken state and while I’m glad to see her get a storyline, I hate that it puts her in such a negative light. It could be worse I guess. She could be a track-suit wearing apparition slash manifestation of Tracy’s conscience.

Over on the docks in mobland, Claudia Z hit Port Charles. In case you missed it, the character’s being played by Carly's original portrayer, Sarah Brown. I thought her trips down memory lane were cute.........

......and I was prepared to like her for the simple fact that she bullies "Trevors," but now I'm not so sure. There was no buildup to her and Sonny jumping in the sack (wasted opportunity I say) and I hate that their now turning her into another woman scorned. I’m concerned she’s quickly going to turn into (or back into ?) another Carly and I’m pretty sure I can only stand one of her.

As I mentioned, Carly is pregnant, which I think is horrible idea since she can't handle the children she already has. Michael is taking after his father and decided to buy a gun to protect his family. The mini mobster accidentally shot Kate and then skipped town to avoid punishment. In my opinion, it would have been more dramatic if he shot Carly and endangered the baby, but whatevs. It still caused sufficient drama with Sonny who has gone off on a tirade against the Zaccharas who are actually innocent.

Ric would typically be in the middle of all of this, but he went on a journey to find himself and I thought that meant he would get a break from all the mob craziness, but I was wrong.

That’s what I get for thinking I guess.

While away, Ric met a woman named Marianna (recast twice in one month) who he is falling for, but it turns out she’s working for Trevor. Can this guy ever get a break? I really want him to get past all this brother/father angst so why can’t we give Ric some mental illness and let him have a clean slate ? The malfunction in Ric‘s brain could be operated on by Patrick, preferable shirtless, and that could be your whole episode. Toss in a little gratuitous shirtless Lucky and you could call it a day. Now that's my idea of an ideal sweeps month.

I'm just saying.

Thanks to Clarissa and Kim for caps.

The Comeback

2008-02-18T16:56:00.003-06:00

Hey all. Miss me? Now that the strike's officially over, I can once again pick up my pen, I mean my keyboard, and share my daytime rants with the world.

Truthfully, I absolutely support the writers, but my absence was not my version of the strike beard. It was actually due to this insane wave of busyness that decided February would be a nice time to crash my life.

Anywhoozle, look for my thoughts on General Hospital's sweeps in the upcoming days and thanks to all of you how have continued to hang around my humble little corner of the Web.

Cynic out!

Baby Blues Part III

2008-01-30T20:14:00.000-06:00

The way this storyline is going, this is probably going to become a weekly post.

Let me start off by saying that Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson rock my socks off. In the short time that Robin and Patrick were given today to digest the concept that Robin is pregnant, those actors said so much. The emotions were completely palatable. I found their scenes quite griping, I think because in recent soap breakups, the regret seems onesided (see JaSam/LnL2 debacle).

I was alright with the fact that Robin blurted out the news to Patrick because it's believable and it was so nice to see Patrick being loving and less of an ass. I was actually enjoying myself....
.....and then the peanut gallery walked in.

I get the added drama of an audience, but Kelly and the Stan fill in would have been sufficient. The writers think it's cute shoving all these Night Shit (that's what I said) characters down my throat and I have news for them, it's not. If I was considering watching that crap spin-off, this would totally turn me off to that idea. Patrick and Robin are two legacy characters that I care about with a once-in-a-lifetime story to tell, so why is that they (especially Robin) are getting shafted on airtime?

Even more than the lack of airtime, I hate, hate HATE that the writers decided Robin should lie. What would have been great was if Robin hadn't said anything and just let everybody assume that Patrick's explanation was the truth. Robin could have just been quiet or hell, she could have gotten called away (where's that darn pager when you need it?) before the audience arrived and Patrick could have given his wrong version of the story. Kelly could have filled Robin in later and she could have run with it without actually telling a lie.

I continue to be amazed at how dispointing this story has become.

Is it too late for a do-over?

Bang-up Makeovers

2008-01-30T19:31:00.001-06:00

Whenever a soap actor gets a haircut, it seems like half the cast gets a new 'do. The recent trend among the women is bangs and I thought it was time for a shallow post.

Wow! Now that was a surprise. I was not expecting such a dramatic change, but I like it. Jane Elliot is totally rockin' that cut.

Also shocking was Megan Ward's new bangs.

They're not hideous, but I think they detract more than they enhance her already gorgeous hair.

Although these bangs aren't new, they did have a less than flattering experience last week.

I would look scared too Becky Herbst.

That's better.

The same hair stylist worked his/her magic on Kimberly McCullough's bangs...
... and then he/she was fired for doing something nice for the character of Robin and substandard beautician stepped in.

Really, guys? Please stop abusing Kimberly McCullough for being naturally adorable.

Caps provided by Clarissa.

Just Saying

2008-01-28T09:24:00.000-06:00

I actually found there was more balance in the writing this week. Can’t be sure if it’s because sweeps are about to kick in or if it’s an effect of the strike, but there was definitely balance, at least that’s what I think it was. I haven’t seen it in so long, I think I may have forgotten what it looks like ……..
Anyways, I wasn’t engaged in any of the stories because I felt like they went nowhere. So, because of my boredom and hectic schedule, I bring you this week’s column, on speed:

STORYLINE: Text Message Killer

Alexis - Hooray she’s DA again (temporarily), but did she really have to get choked/threatened by the killer? I repeat STOP TARGETING ALEXIS!

Felicia/Mac - I was glad to see Mac finally get to have his say about Felicia bailing. Not so glad to see that Kristina Wagner still has that nervous face tic because it's really distracting.

Maxie/Coop - Okay, first off, totally knew Coop wasn‘t the killer. Secondly, give me a freakin’ break!!! That was such a waste of a perfectly good character. Oh and not only did Maxie have to once again find her boyfriend dead, but you brought back the dreaded beanie/hat/rag thingy?
That’s just cruel.

STORYLINE: Jake’s Paternity

Lucky/Sam- Lucky agreed to give him and Sam a try and took care of Elizabeth's kids while she was in the hospital. The whole “I’ll catch you” thing was totally cheesy, but he looked so adorable doing it that I will overlook it. In case you missed it, Greg Vaughan is my weakness.

Carly/Jax - Couldn’t they have sent Jax on his Hawaii trip prior to getting the recast? Carly is still getting on my nerves with the hypocrisy, but I’ll leave it at that because she made fun of Jason’s wardrobe:

Jason: You want to give me something for my birthday? Leave Elizabeth alone.
Carly: A new leather jacket would be more practical.
Jax: Yeah, and not to mention more lasting.

Jason earned some points for saying a few smart things this week as well:

Jason: Holding a gun does not make you a man.

Please, can you put that on little memos and pass it throughout the halls of the General Hospital set. Better yet, go to the prop room and carve it into all the guns. That way the message is sure to be seen.

Oh yes, and his Carly rant was golden:

Jason: I know you care, okay? I know you care -- it's not good how you show it! You come down on people with both feet because they're not doing what you want or what you think is best! You stand there, you judge, you get to judge again, nobody gets to say anything about what you do! What is this -- you're bored with Jax being gone again?
Carly: I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I just love you. I love you so much, and I want you to have everything. I want all of us to have everything. I want you, me, and Sonny to have it all, and something always gets in the way.
Jason: You're right, Carly. Sometimes that something is -- is you.

After hearing those words, I think I might possibly not completely and totally hate Jason Morgan.

STORYLINE: Mob War (take 6,386)

James/Jerry/Moreau/Name that the majority of our polled audience selected this week - If this new baddie is new, then why does it really matter if we don’t see his face?

Ric - I couldn’t believe he actually got scenes, but then I saw they were mostly flashbacks. Between his memories and Elizabeth’s dreams, you can totally tell there’s a writer’s strike going on.

Johnny/Lulu- The Johnny and Lulu romance continues to irk me because no one can seem to leave Lulu with a guy long enough for me to care. Slightly off topic, I thought the broody piano playing was kind of cute, but then I realized I don’t think he was really playing and I was simply amused.

Skate - After Kate presumably turned down Sonny’s proposal, he threw a tantrum by buying half of Bensonhurst and tearing it up. And we wonder why Michael’s such a brat. By the way, the whole kids buys a gun angle is creeping me out and I think he should be the next one voted off the island.

STORYLINE: The Hospital

Nikolas/Emily - Nikolas declared he doesn’t want an operation because he's afraid he‘ll lose Emily and Nadine keeps popping up for support, I guess. Honestly, I think they’re pushing the newbie too hard. Suddenly she’s all sad and toting around this locket like she's done it forever? I get that in soaps people work in pairs, but shouldn’t you wait until Emily’s gone? I mean, I know she’s gone, but she’s not gone gone. Can’t they wait until her astral projection or hallucination form or whatever she is today has left?

Monica - Are we actually going somewhere with the drinking bit? If so, color me shocked that she's getting a story and annoyed that what they're giving her puts her in a negative light.

Patrick/Robin - These two have always fought, but for months now it’s been petty and annoying and I now cringe every time they walk on the set. Great job ruining the last entertaining couple on this show. Oh and did Robin really just share her secret with Elizabeth of all people? And she’s going to lie to Patrick? Oh yes. This story is so original and so like Robin.

Dr. Devlin (aka the new doctor):

Really? That’s what you have for me? Couldn’t we have gotten someone cuter? And what's with the attitude? Is Dr. Patrick Drake part II really necessary? Pretty sure I’ve seen what you’ve done to the original and if that’s where this ride is headed, I think I’ll take a pass.

I’m just saying.

Thanks to Clarissa for the caps.

Baby Blues Part II

2008-01-21T15:06:00.000-06:00

Leo: ....hey, it's good you had me run those HIV tests earlier after you spent the night with Robin. Now you can let her know you're not infected even though the condom broke and everything will be fine.
Patrick: Yeah, now that I know I'm not infected, I think it's better that I don't say anything. At least that way we don't have to have that awkward conversation about what happened that night, what it meant or didn't mean.

Um, are you trying to piss me off? You have the opportunity to tell this ground-breaking HIV pregnancy story and this is the way you do it? Wow.

So in case you missed it today, this little lockerroom convo was overheard by Robin who has decided to keep the pregnancy to herself now that she knows Patrick isn't infected. Give me a freakin' break!!! This is so wrong on so many levels!!!

1.) This never should have been an oops pregnancy.

2.) Patrick's a freaking doctor. He knows that if a condom broke there's a chance Robin could get pregnant. Uh, does he not think he should mention it to her since that would throw a wrench into her plans of going to a sperm bank?

3.) Robin would never not tell the father given her history with paternity issues. If the writers go this route, it's only so Carly can stick it to Robin and call her a hypocrite, you know, because the writers seem to think we enjoy watching the banshee tell everyone how horrible they are so she doesn't have to focus on what a wreck she is.

4.) Why the hell would take an already unique storyline and water it down by making it like every other pregnancy in the history of soaps? Paternity secrets are overdone and no one cares anymore. Not to mention how ridiculous it's going to sound if Robin tells Kelly and everyone else she hooked up with some random guy. Robin is not that type of character so who's going to believe her?

God!!! I can't..... I just.... I have no words. No words could ever possibly convey the magnitude of my disappointment. Way to go GH. Another dissatisfied customer.

More Crazy Days Casting Shakeups

2008-01-21T14:52:00.000-06:00

Um, alright, so I wasn't pleased about Julie Pinson's dismissal, but what in the world are they thinking now? According to Soap Opera Network, both Martha Madison and Brandon Beemer have been fired.

Say what?

I thought their acting has actually improved and what really doesn't make sense to me is it doesn't sound like recasting, but getting rid of the characters, two legacy characters. Why do I think that? Because of the recent additions of Tamara Braun and Shirley Jones (yes, that is the Partridge family mom). When bringing in bigger names into a cast, it typically means other actors getting the boot. I think it's pretty clear that Shirley's just a sweeps stunt so getting rid of characters who have plenty of story ahead of them for a temporary character seems a little silly to me. I know Tams was pretty popular on General Hospital, but I would prefer to watch characters I grew up with and am invested in, instead of new character, no matter who's playing her.

Just Saying

2008-01-20T19:33:00.000-06:00

This week GH once again tried to ripoff a ripoff of last year's hostage situation by having another hostage situation, but wait, it's new and improved! It's now in the hospital and the man is an out-of-work mechanic who doesn't have insurance, but is threatening to blow up the hospital if no one helps his pregnant wife.

Color me bored.

To recap, Joe Smith (Really? I mean I get that he's an average guy. Isn't the plain name a little over-the-top?) vacillated from calm, rational man to angry, I'm going to blow us up guy. Sam showed up (for no apparent reason) and helped calm Joe down and Jason suddenly appeared and saved the day by grabbing the bomb that wasn't really a bomb which he totally knew.

In another words, it was like every other "crisis" where Jason shows up and saves the day. You missed nothing. Actually, scratch that. This time was slightly different because veteran actors were involved and by involved, I mean Monica's character continued to go downhill. Not only could she not stitch up a leg, but she's now and alcoholic who hides flasks in the supply closet.

Luke would be so proud.

Speaking of the Spencers, Lucky got involved in this fiasco thanks to the major's vanity. He's in the hospital for injuries he sustained falling off a skateboard. When he discovers the hostage situation, instead of calling the police, he calls Scott and tells him to take care of the situation quietly, you know, because if this becomes a big deal, he'll look ridiculous.

Um, no. You look ridiculous because you're refusing to call a bomb squad and you sounded ridiculous when you came in asking for Patrick Drake who a) is a neurosurgeon and b) knocked you flat about a year ago. Would you really trust him to treat you after you publicly announced it was alright for his girlfriend to be collateral damage? Are you sure you didn't hit your head?

And coming back from my tangent......

Ah yes. Lucky. I have always been a fan of Mr. Spencer (minus the summer of '06 crap) and Greg Vaughan is definitely rockin' his scenes as of late. Is it just me, or does he look hotter than usual? Let's observe, for scientific purposes of course:

Lucky taking aim:
Hot.

Lucky concerned about endangering the lives of others:
Hot.

Lucky wearing scrubs:

Totally hot.

Lucky wearing scrubs while trying to rescue Elizabeth and Jake:
Still hot.

Elsewhere in the hospital, it was business as usual. I love how Robin totally dismissed the lockdown in the ER. Considering that she's basically been held hostage twice in the last year and was severely wounded during one of those instances, I thought she'd take the situation a little more seriously. Oh that's right. This isn't the real Robin. This is the psuedo-Robin from that crapfest of a spin-off who acts completely out of character all of the time. Got it.

Robin was in doctor mode this week and her main case was Nikolas. The dark prince came in for tests and because they can't find anything, Patrick decides they need to provoke Nikolas in order to get a blood sample while he's angry, but without his consent of course. Totally unethical, but we'll get to Patrick's lack of morals later. The viewers learned that Nik's violent outrages are back once he knocked Robin down and later punched Patrick, which he totally deserved and after Friday's episode I thought he really deserved it, but seriously, can someone not get the guys some fighting lessons? When he gets into a fight, he throws a punch and then whines about his hand. The rest of the time, he just straight up gets his ass kicked. I am embarrassed for him.

After some convincing, Nikolas admits himself and then has some conversations with Emily which I just find completely upsetting because SHE'S STILL DEAD. The brain tumor or whatever they decide is messing with the Cassadine prince this week is likely causing him to see things (i.e. Emily). In another words, if Nikolas wants to get better, he's probably going to have to give up his Emily visions. Love story my ass. This is just depressing.

Something else that's depressing is Robin's pregnancy. As I've already discussed, it's not so much that she's pregnant as much as it's the way she became pregnant. And what the hell was that Leyla crap? Where do I even begin? One, if she is so in love with Patrick, no way in hell could she just sleep with him with no strings. Number two, why the hell would Patrick sleep with her after what he learned earlier (i.e. Robin informed him that Leyla really fell hard for him). In his defense, I can understand why he doesn't get that part because I don't even find it believable. I think it might be the actress, but what I don't understand is, how difficult is it to pretend to be in love with Jason Thompson? I'm sure I could find a couple of people willing to take her place if need be.

Anyway, after Robin draws Patrick a picture, don't you think he would have the good sense to know he's going to hurt the nurse if he does sleep with her again? By the way, what the hell with all the tearing down of Patrick, people? I'm convinced that one of the execs got pissy that Patrick became a popular character once he stopped being an ass. So to punish the viewers for not being "trained" (you know who I'm talking about) the execs/writers are turning Patrick into another misogynistic asshole. Like we need more of those on soaps or in the world.

I don't care how many times you show me this:
Nothing will make the ridiculous regression of Patrick's character okay.

Thirdly, why would you, dear writers, have them hook up (God, just seeing it in print makes me want to vomit) when you know Robin is pregnant and Patrick could be infected? This sucks on all levels because a) this means Leyla will be involved even more with this storyline (because she'll have to wait for HIV tests) or b) the writers will once again dismiss these medical facts and spit in the face of a socially/medically relevant issue. Either way this blows.

Something else that pissed me off was the temporary Jax replacement. I loved that he called Carly out on her Jason worship, but why couldn't Ingo be the one to do it? I mean, the dude's had to deal with the various incarnations from the start and if someone's going to start handing out anti-Carly lines, I think he's earned the right to deliver them. Would it really have been that hard to schedule those scenes for when Ingo came back? I mean, was all that crap at Jake's with Jerry really necessary? The only reason I even remember those scenes is because of Tracy's fantastic line:

Tracy: When God created Eve, he should've quit while he was ahead.

Ha! If we could have kept that line and delivered it somewhere else minus all the fake Jax crap, I would have been happy, but we all know that's not allowed.

On the other end of the spectrum we have the worst line of the week which goes to Trevor hands down:

Trevor: Hmm. Surprise, surprise. You must be much better in bed than I thought you were.
Pardon me while I shudder in disgust. That is so not something any parent should ever, EVER say to their child. It's just wrong. Something else that's wrong, is if Ric Hearst is leaving the show, not that I would blame him. Ric stopped by to see Alexis (who is now hilariously chummy with Diane) to say goodbye the girls because he was leaving town to think. I love my Rexis scenes, but I am a little concerned with all the recent exits that this was yet another. Here's hoping this is simply a winter vacation.

Someone I could use a little less of is Lulu. This week she was still kidnapped and while I know it's difficult to stay fashionable when imprisoned in an old, dank castle, but what the hell is up with the side bun? Whoever is unleashing all this sideways hairstyles needs to stop. It's not trendy it's annoying and I demand that is cease. There are other ways of getting revenge on cast members that don't include permanently scarring the audience in the process.

Alright, once again Lulu needed rescuing and Logan, Spinelli and Johnny showed up to save the day. Johnny found an injured Lulu first and after some arguing she shoved the mobster who fell on top of an old sword. Then she says she's sorry. Dude, he's got a sword sticking out of his leg. I don't think "sorry" is going to cut it (pun accidentally intended). After that little disaster, the two of them stumble into an old closet full of rum. Then they proceed to get drunk and makeout because that's what you do when you're injured and trying to escape your captors. With plans like that, no wonder she's so easy to snatch.

Rounding out this week's column is Sonny and Kate.
I like the idea of a high school sweetheart and returning home because it's very relatable, but I feel like their conversation has been on a loop for months now. Maybe that will stop soon because at the end of the week Sonny proposed. I might have been more moved if they guy didn't change women as frequently as he changes his socks. I can imagine his thought process building up to this decision.

Hmm...it's January. Time to get married again. Carly's already married and there isn't enough time left in the month to get her divorced. I know. I'll ask the next woman who agrees to dinner with me. Sweet, it's Kate!

What? That's how it seemed to me. I'm just saying.

Thanks to laurieluvsliason for the caps.

Baby Blues

2008-01-19T19:08:00.000-06:00

Robin Scorpio is finally pregnant and while I'm sure Scrubs fans everywhere are rejoicing, I, quite frankly, am all kinds of disappointed. Not to bring them down, but I was really hoping for something unique for this couple. Oops pregnancies are daytime staples (i.e. Lulu, Skye, Elizabeth) and switching it up would be a nice change. I understand accidents are more dramatic, but I think the powers-that-be severely underestimate the need for a different kind of drama.

I, for one, think it would be nice if someone had a planned pregnancy for once. I was really hoping Robin would be that one soap heroine that did things the traditional way, you know, find a boy, sex him up, get married and then plan a pregnancy. I think GH execs have proven that they are incapable of thinking outside the box, but I believed they would be forced out of said box given Robin's medical history.

Wrong again.

Robin and Patrick's love story has been unique because of it's pacing. It's been incredibly realistic which makes it relatable and enjoyable. I'm sure they'll end up together eventually, but now it's going to seem more like Patrick will step up (assuming he does) because he doesn't want to be like his father instead of he loves Robin and they came to the decision together about wanting a child. This way, he's thrust into fatherhood, but I think it could have been much more entertaining to watch him come to the realization on his own.

The other complaint I have is the exec's attention to the medical issues of this story. Okay, so if Robin's pregnant, that means the Patrick could be infected so it's HIV waiting game part two and let me tell you, the results of the first saga were a huge letdown. Secondly, I thought the odds of Robin getting pregnant accidentally were zero because of all the precautions they take. After telling me, the viewer, these facts repeatedly and then suddenly getting Robin pregnant without planning it, makes no sense. If the higherups chose to write the story so that Patrick and Robin didn't use protection because of her grief over Georgie or whatever, that will be so irresponsible and completely out of character for Robin. Then again, I don't think anyone could accuse the GH execs of always being responsible or always keeping people within character, so if the story does go this unfortunate route, I won't be surprised, but I will certainly be disgusted.

It's out of my hands now so I guess I should just call this GH disappointment #3,478 and try not to focus on all of the ways this could get worse.

Changing of the Guard

2008-01-19T15:44:00.000-06:00

This week Sabine Singh and Rebecca Budig switched places in the role of Greenlee Smythe (as if you didn't get that message from the 5 gazillion ads ABC ran). By the way, what is AMC's deal with not leaving more time in between recasts? Soap fans frequently practice suspension of belief, why not help them out a little?

Alright, so where do I start? Well, I guess I can appreciate that the powers-that-be tried to soothe disapointed Ailee fans (version 1) with a love scene. I could say it's the thought that counts but good Lord was that awkward or what? "You had me at hello?" "It's called reiki...It's a Japanese term for 'universal energy' that promotes healing on -- on every level?" I mean what is that? And was anyone else completely thrown by this:

Greenlee: And what I said before about another woman, I --
Aidan: Hey, I'm sorry.
Greenlee: No.
Aidan: I overreacted.

Did they cut a scene? If so, couldn't we have saved this discussion for another day? What about a nice little conversation full of double meanings? Something along the lines of "I can't believe how wonderful the last few months have been...I can't imagine leaving you..." blah blah blah. Sometihng that's bittersweet because the actress is leaving and she could probably use that emotion to knock her final scenes out of the park. Sadly, this adieu just fell flat for me, but then again, considering what allegedly went on behind the scenes, I'd have a little trouble selling happy too.

One last note on Greenlee 2.0, I think Sabine Singh has done a good job with the role, especially considering the story she was given to work with:

Girl returns to hometown, tries to take back her ex; considers stealing her best friends child; wrecks car (that contains herself and said child) while correcting an earlier mistake; blamed for child's deafness; becomes town pariah who is set up by former best friend, best friend's mother and husband; goes to jail for a crime she didn't commit; falls into a bomb shelter with a man she hates while making a run for the Canadian border; suffers hunger, thirst, cold, falls, snake bite and claustrophobia while trapped in said shelter for a month; rescued by her boyfriend (who she doesn't know has slept with former best friend); learns she isn't the source of a child's deafness; is forgiven and forgives (too quickly for my taste) her attackers; relives one of her worst nightmares watching a woman fall off a cliff and it now looks like she's about to get sick again.

Yeah, I'm not sure 10 Emmy-winning actresses could spin that into gold.

So the verdict on the new...or old...depending on how you look at it...Greenlee is.........I'm not really sure yet. I wasn't overly impressed with her comeback, but to be fair, as of now, she hasn't been given any meaty material. Also, I'm so annoyed by the overexposure that I don't think I could give her a fair critique at the moment. I need a Greenlee detox. Do they have a rehab for that? I'm down for that as long it doesn't involve an impromptu visit from Dr. Phil...

**On a completely unrelated note, Kendall and Zach as Greek chorus at Tad and Krystal's party was totally amusing. Thank God for small favors I guess.**

Just Saying

2008-01-13T14:57:00.000-06:00

Carly finally knows about Jake and I was glad to see her realize that maybe Jason doesn't trust her as much as she thinks. I know that sounds bitchy, but I feel like Carly's one of those women who has ALWAYS gotten her way.

Example#1: Carly exacted revenge on her mother for giving her up for adoption by sleeping with Bobbie's husband and then shooting him in open court, but her mother forgave her (can't say I would have done the same).

Example #2: Carly slept with Jason's best friend, Sonny, but both still tolerate her.

Example #3: Carly and Jax stole Nikolas' son and tried to pass him off as a Jacks and when the truth came out, no kidnapping charges were filed.

Example #4: Carly married Sonny and slept with him while still engaged to Jax, but Jax forgave Carly and married her anyway.

So no, I don't feel bad in the least that Carly feels betrayed by Jason. I think Sam spilling the beans to get revenge was a great soapy choice. What I don't like is that no one is pointing out Carly's hypocrisy. Actually, Sonny did for a moment and I was so grateful:

Carly: Do you think it was his idea to keep me in the dark about Jake being his son? I mean, the whole town knows.
Sonny: No, no, no, the whole world doesn't know. That's the point in not telling you. Because it's not your business. Excuse me.
Carly: Jason is my dearest friend, okay? I'm closer to him than anyone, including my husband.
Sonny: Doesn't that tell you something about your marriage?
Carly: Don't you think that Jason deserves the opportunity to love and raise his son just like any other father?
Sonny: Well, that's a self-serving argument, and not to mention, hypocritical, since you tried to take my kids away from me.
Carly: That was different.
Sonny: Well, of -- is -- of course you'd say that.

As great as this was, why can no specifically address the A.J. debacle? For those of you who may not know, Carly kept Michael from his real father and I'm sure at one point or another she said it was to protect the child. Fast forward to now, when Jason wants to keep Jake's paternity a secret to protect him, but Carly says no. According to her, Jason should be with Jake because he's his son. Gee, where was this wisdom years ago when A.J. was being hung from a meat hook? Because this is Carly, I'm sure this point will never be brought up, but just this once, I wouldn't mind being wrong.

Elizabeth was pretty pissed about Sam spilling the beans and the two of them went at it. Liz's bitch faces are convincing, but they're getting old. There are waaayyy too many bitchy women running around Port Charles and it's times like these that I really miss Georgie Jones.

An epidemic of misbehaving kids hit Port Charles this week and it was more than a little irritating. Kristina was pissy with Ric, Michael is turning into a minimobster and Cameron is now a little pyro. Camerons antics with matches, coupled with a broken doorknob, resulted in Liz locked outside of her burning home while Jake is trapped inside. Gee, I am so worried that Jake, Jason's son, won't be saved. As if.

Time for a little positivity: Greg Vaughan is kicking ass right now. This week he made a heartfelt declaration to Liz that he loves her kids and promises to do whatever he can to keep them safe, even though biologically, they aren't his. He also had a sincere talk with Sam about their future and about her changing her lifestyle. There was no yelling, just pure honesty, which is refreshing in itself, but Greg Vaughan's delivery and facial expressions were just spot on for me. I hope he continues to shine with this new material because I think it's going to take a lot of work to undo the crap these writers have put Luke Spencer's son through.

Speaking of the lovable scoundrel, he once again skipped town, but he wasn't alone. His companion was Skye, who, earlier in the week, bonded with Ric. Before we go any further, I have a question: Was the Ric/Skye bonding awkward because:

a) Ric came on to Skye in her old house
b) Ric came on to Skye in the same room where he did his ex-stepdaughter (barf)
c) Ric came on to Skye in his ex-wife's current house
d)All of the above

Skye decided she wanted out of the insanity that is Port Charles so she gave Ric Lorenzo's piers and said some quick goodbyes to the Q's on her way out of town. I'm glad that Edward was kind to her, but I am a little sad that Monica didn't say anything. I would have liked to have seen her make some peace with Skye before she left and I would like to have seen Lila Rae on screen once more, but oh well. I guess I'll just have to be thankful that Skye didn't leave in a body bad.

As much as I hate to see either character go, I was so pleased that Skye and Luke left Port Charles together, courtesy of a mini caper.
Of course, the departure was bittersweet:

Luke: I can't thank you enough for smuggling me out of that hellhole.
Skye: So, where are you going?
Luke: I don't know. That's the best part of the deal.
Skye: Yeah, well, I just got through telling Edward how lousy I am at goodbyes, so --
Luke: So am I. You were one sweet touch of class around here, Blaze.
Skye: Please, Luke, I was a distraction. I don't think you ever took me any more seriously than that.
Luke: Oh, you're wrong. I took you much more seriously than you know. It's just that you set a standard that I just couldn't reach.
Skye: Hmm.
Luke: You know you dance rings around people just by standing still. You think you'll ever come back?
Gerald: Excuse me.
Skye: Oh, yes. Um -- I know, it's almost time to pick up Lila Rae. I'll be right there, thank you.
Luke: I looked a lot better in that suit than he does, don't you think?
Skye: If Tracy’s not good to you, I may have to come back. Take care of yourself.
Luke: You, too.
Skye: See ya.
Luke: I hope so.

I will definitely miss the chemistry between these two.

Somewhere in backwoods Pennsylvania, Diane and Alexis offered some humor this week with their crazy road trip to their awards banquet. The two lawyers didn't quite make it to their event, but watching them get kicked off a plane, have numerous car troubles and then deal with the patrons of a biker bar was amusing. After accepting they weren't going to make the banquet, the women had their own celebration in a deserted bar. We learned some more about Diane's past and while I appreciate the fleshing out of a character, I'm annoyed that those characters getting the attention are dayplayers. Case in point: Epiphany.

She lost her son Stan and she's getting all this attention, including one visit from Monica who said she knows what it's like to lose a child.

So. Much. Wrong.

Number one, hooray for Monica being at the hospital, but it's crap that she was only given two lines. Number two, why the hell has her grief been all but dismissed? My guess is the only reason her and Edward were allowed to be at General Hospital this week was so that the powers-that-be could finish taking out the rest of the Quartermaines with the mechanic who's threatening to detonate a bomb so his uninsured wife can get treatment.

This storyline is ridiculous!

What is up with all the freakin' explosions on this show?? Let's see if we can put this guy to some use shall we? Alright, here's how it's going to go:

Monica and Edward have already gone home and all that's left are all those newbies so Mr. Crazy Mechanic Man can go ahead and blowup the hospital. It's sickening how much NightShift is infesting this show. I don't recognize any of the hospital personnel anymore and to make things worse, they've started using that God awful CGI during the daytime GH. So Joe, go ahead and blow the place up, just make sure you take all that Night Shift crap with you. If I wanted to see that junk, I'd watch it on that so-called soap channel.

Just saying.

Thanks to laurieluvsliason for caps.

Reaching An All-Time Low

2008-01-10T15:08:00.000-06:00

Congratulations ABC. You've reached levels of classlessness that I previously thought unobtainable.

First there was the online announcement that the "real Greenlee" was returning, then there was an interview, a banner and an official countdown on the daytime homepage, then the commercials hit the airwaves followed by a countdown ad (because only having it online wasn't enough), followed by the announcement of a Soapnet special and now this:

Yes, that is an ad for the original Greenlee's return WHILE the current Greenlee is still on the screen. I'd look pretty pissed too. I mean, what were they thinking?

Yeah, I don't know either.

Oh, but it doesn't stop there. That obnoxious ad ran during General Hospital:

Talk about overkill.

I think it's safe to say that Operation: Make Sabine Singh Feel Like S^*! was a success. I don't even know her and I'm offended.

All I can say is I sincerely hope that saying "what goes around comes around" is true.

AMC is L-A-M-E Lame

2008-01-09T23:21:00.000-06:00

All My Children has done a lot of strange things this week (Greenlee defending Erica and Hannah hooking up with Sean after literally bumping into him at the park come to mind), but was it really necessary for Ryan to dance? The man was shot in the head and he suddenly has the urge to dance? A Viennese waltz makes you pretty dizzy (don't ask how I know) without the added effect of a head injury. With that bullet wound, the scene should have ended with Ryan's head in a bucket.

This was a completely over-the-top way to get Cameron Mathison to dance (didn't he already dance with Annie on NYE anyway?). I mean, if that's what the powers-that-be really wanted, couldn't they have found a more subtle way to do it? Why did his dance partner have to be someone too short to reach his shoulders? Why couldn't he have worn a hospital gown so I could have laughed at him attempting to keep the back shut? Perhaps the better question is, does he really need to dance at all?

I would understand if this was a ploy to promote Dancing With the Stars, but the show's been over for a while now and really, I think he's that last guy who needs more exposure. Cameron Mathison is probably THE most over exposed actor in daytime.

Case in point: I knew who he was before I ever started watching AMC.

Dear writers (temporary or not), the next time you think about creating such an awkward and obviously forced scene, stop and put all of that energy toward making the show better. Yes, it really could use an improvement and no, a dancing hospital patient is not a step in that direction.

Line of the Day

2008-01-07T16:11:00.001-06:00

Elizabeth: There's no way in hell I'm letting you anywhere near my children.
Sam: You always say that like you've had immaculate conceptions and boy do we know that's not true.

So that was pretty much amazing because if you've been anywhere near the Internet during the past year, you know it isn't difficult to find posts about Jason being a saint because he's always saving the day etc. etc. This also makes me wonder if the new writer does surf soap sites because the immaculate conception thing had been brought up previously in the form of this little number:

Sadly, I got this from a friend who got it from a friend and so on and so forth, so I don't know the original artist, but he or she is a genius. Once you make it past any irreverent, religiously insulting aspect of the picture, it is rather amusing and kind of accurate, don't you think?

Since Mr. Temporary Writer is possibly answering the demands of online fans, I'd like to request Carly screaming less often, Jason shooting fewer people and Patrick and Lucky walking around shirtless at all times.

Thanks!

Comings And Goings

2008-01-07T11:53:00.000-06:00

The ever-revolving door of daytime continues spinning and it looks like some actors are on their way out of soapland.

*Julie Pinson from DOOL is apparently on her way out.

This really is too bad because I've liked her portrayal of Billie now that her sole purpose isn't sitting there and pining after Bo. I've also been enjoying the mother/daughter relationship she has with Chelsea. Maybe this decision was made by scabs and it will be reversed?

* Jackie Zeman from GH has had her contract status downgraded.

Yeah, I pretty much hate GH's treatment of all vets and this is no different.

*Robin Christopher from GH is poised to make an exit.

I read that Christopher wanted to move her family back east (and now I can't find the article) so it makes me think this was her decision. I'm less bitter about an exit if I know it is the actor's choice, but what does bother me is that in recent months, her talent's been wasted, of course that could be said about the majority of the GH cast. Hopefully Skye's exit isn't accompanied by a hail of bullets and another Quartermaine funeral.

Just Saying

2008-01-06T12:33:00.001-06:00

Luke: What fresh hell is this?

Exactly.

Every episode of General Hospital feels like 40 minutes (thank you once again fast-forward button inventor) of hell these days and this week was no exception.

To kick things off this week we had the New Years episode, which was beyond depressing. Let's review:

*Jax was sick and missed the party at his own hotel.

*Said party was not even shown. I know it's not a big deal, but I'm a fan of tradition and I was starting to think of the Metro Court party as a tradition of sorts. Oh that's right, they were axed due to budget cuts.

*Jason ditched Elizabeth, probably to kill someone. Now there's a guy who has his priorities straight.

*Nikolas spent the evening with is fianceé..................who just happens to be dead.

*Sonny was arrested.

(sidenote: apparently Courtney's loft was shipped to Manhattan and converted into an art gallery so Lainey and Kelly are just as homeless as Robin.)

*Robin and Patrick argued. Then made up. Then lost the patient that Georgie had recommended to Robin.

Oh yes. The new year is going to be a bright one.

Sadly, the rest of the week was not an improvement.

Luke had another version of hell where he dressed in drag at one point.

Okay, small "hee!" but seriously, did we really need to be subjected to yet another hell and not a very amusing one at that?

Lulu was kidnapped, again, and I couldn't care less.

Felicia is surprisingly still in town, but apparently it's just so she can be verbally abused by Maxie (not that it isn't warranted).

Alexis and Diane were both nominated for some lawyery award and while I'm amused, why can't veteran actors be used for more than just comedy?

I will toss out one compliment this week and it goes to the scenes where Alexis walks in on Skye and Ric who were obviously otherwise occupied. The dialogue was full of double meanings and because I have the maturity of a 3rd grader when it comes to dirty jokes, I chuckled once ............ okay maybe twice.

Alexis: Ah. I didn't mean to interrupt a meeting.
Skye: No, I can go.
Ric: No, no, no.
Alexis: No, don't -- sit. You look very comfortable. So if you're in the middle of a merger of some sort, I don't want to interrupt.
Ric: No, no. Uh, thanks for coming.

So other than that, this week was beyond painful. You know a show is getting bad when you only have to watch four episodes and you still would have preferred a root canal to reliving that viewing experience.

I'm just saying.

Caps provided by laurieluvsliason.

Looking Back: 2007 in Review

2008-01-01T23:47:00.000-06:00

Most people like to do a best and worst at the end of the year, but looking back, I find it virtually impossible to find anything good about General Hospital in 2007. This is more of a storyline recap, just in case you were wondering why yours truly (and several others as recent ratings indicate) think GH has been in a steady decline.

The Cassadines

I know life for a Cassadine is tough, but man did this year suck for them. Let’s start with Alexis. She battled lung cancer despite the fact that she never smoked and what could have been a kickass story for a kickass actress got very little attention after the start of the year. Apparently with Alexis, there is no such thing as too much misery because the tragedy kept piling up. In addition to cancer, she was arrested for smoking pot to cope with the chemo effects, had Molly taken away in yet another custody battle, was dancing on the edge of another pairing with a psycho and then developed appendicitis at the exact moment she was trapped on Spoon island with doctors, but none of the appropriate medical equipment. What do you think about all of this Alexis?

Exactly.

Her daughter’s year wasn’t much better. Sam was given another backstory where she was a con woman who married rich men and divorced them. She killed one of the men (in self-defense of course) and his daughter sought vengeance by giving Sam her own television show.

:::crickets:::

Yes, she wanted to make her famous and then take it all away. That was her diabolical plan.

:::crickets:::

Ladies and gentleman, the first idiotic storyline of 2007.

Amelia, you are an embarrassment to soap villains everywhere. I will say that despite the crappy material, Annie Wersching was not a bad actress, especially when compared to her temporary recast. Someone out there must agree because I believe she’s currently filming for 24 and because of that, her character's been MIA. This is definitely one story I’m not sad to see go.

Sam’s year got steadily worse as she discovered she could not have kids, allowed Jake to be kidnapped by a slightly deranged guest on her show, hired men to threaten Elizabeth and her children, lost Jason and then once again did the adultery thing when she slept with Lucky while still married to Liz. While totally skeevy, I’m willing to let that last one go in the name of hotness. Just in case you missed the steamy hookup:

Trust me, it was hot.

Our final Cassadine is prince Nikolas. His year started off battling Helena to reclaim his son. Then he survived the Metro Court explosion only to be once again be taken hostage by Craig/Jerry. GH’s newest villain injected Nikolas with some poison to keep him in line and when Robin found out about it, he forced them to pretend they were in love.

Idiotic storyline #2.

Nikolas survived that and reunited with Emily right before he started having random rage outbursts, lost the love of his life in his own house after becoming engaged said love and then regained lost love in the form of a ghost or some hallucination, which may or may not be caused by an inoperable brain tumor that could be genetic.

Hooray for surviving, I guess?

The Quartermaines/Spencers/Baldwins

The Q’s continued to be ignored except when they were paraded out for Alan and Emily’s death. Someone thought it was a good idea to bring Alan back (presumably because of fan outrage) as a humorous ghost/conscience thingy who haunts Tracy because she forged his will.

Someone thought wrong.

While Alan and Tracy’s bantering can be amusing, the fact that Stuart Damon has been reduced to playing a wise-cracking, tracksuit-wearing apparition is beyond insulting.

Oh yes, this version of Alan also got Tracy committed for the summer, but she managed to break herself out and the Q’s continued to shrink as Dillon said adios and headed for Hollywood. Pretty sure Scott Clifton saw the writing on the wall and decided to get out while the getting was good. I think we have a new Ned in training.

Lucky continued to take hits last year and the irony of his name and his life is still sooooooo not amusing. He proposed to Elizabeth, again; married her, again; divorced her, again; and agreed to take care of a son that isn’t his, again. Yes, in case you missed it, Jake is Jason’s son, not Lucky’s because Lucky’s not allowed to have anything.

Scott Baldwin made his way back to town, but the writing for him has been insanely sloppy. Let’s see, history was rewritten and he is now the murderer of Rick Webber and let Laura take the fall for it.

Nice.

Then he sued for custody of Laura and won. It was ridiculous that he won because he is not related to her. If they wanted Lulu to find out about her mother’s rape, there could have been so many other better ways to do it, but God forbid this show do anything that isn’t ridiculous.

Scott’s reappearance to the canvas brought the creation of a new character, his son.

Scott was unaware that Logan Hayes was his son until a DNA test confirmed it. He fell for Lulu, which caused some issues for her father and stepmother given their Baldwin hate, so of course Lulu fell for Logan too. Things ended badly for them after Maxie was tossed into the mix. Maxie became jealous of Lulu after seeing the young Spencer hanging out with her boyfriend Coop, one of the Metro Court hostage takers, and devised a revenge plot. I can’t even discuss this skeevy storyline because it was a retread of the Alexis/Ric/Sam/Jason/Liz/Lucky crap of last summer. I hated it the first time and it wasn’t any better the second time.

Lulu eventually gave Logan another chance in exchange for Scott returning custody of her mother to Nikolas. Of course her reconciliation with her ex isn’t going to last because the GH execs are incapable of keeping Lulu with one guy for too long and she now has her eye on a new mobster named Johnny Zacchara.

The Jones/Scorpios/Drakes

Georgie was virtually invisible in 2007 except when they paraded her out to have her feelings ignored by Spinelli only to finally meet her demise at the hands of another awful serial killer storyline. Way to show respect to the daughter of a legacy character GH.

Way to go, guys. Way. To. Go.

Georgie’s cousin Robin didn’t fare much better this year. Her boyfriend got his HIV tests results back (negative of course) and the whole event was a let down considering the storyline took six months to tell. Patrick and Robin had an amusing storyline in the summer where, with the help of Anna, they helped Noah impersonate an 80s rocker. Ridiculous story, but it was intentionally silly so, I’ll let it slide.

I know everyday is a bad day for Robin Scorpio, but 2007 is now synonymous with the destruction of this character. She broke up with Patrick because she wants to have kids and he doesn’t, which is fine, but why does she have to become unrecognizable in the process? Since breakup # 476 with Patirck, she's just done so many things that are well, out of character.

Jacks/Corinthos/Morgan/Alcazars (aka the mob)

Where do I even start? Carly married Sonny (again) to keep from testifying against him in the trial for Lorenzo’s shooting, while she was engaged to Jax. When her fiancée showed up, not only was she married to her ex, but she had slept with him and then justified it because they were married. Never mind the fact that Sonny lied to keep her married to him. For some reason, Jax got over it and proposed to Carly who then divorced Sonny and married Jax within like the span of a week.

I’m pretty sure that’s some kind of record and no, that's not a compliment.

Of course their marriage didn’t stand a chance with Jax always chasing after his brother, who happens to be James Craig, the psycho behind the Metro Court hostage situation.

Ladies and gentleman, idiotic storyline #643.

Despite all the crap Jerry pulled, Jax still tried to protect his brother and that led to him being taken hostage by Irina, Jerry’s crazy ex. During this stupid storyline, Jax was raped and instead of addressing this socially relevant issue, it was dismissed and joked about.

It’s moments like these that make me pray for someone to pull the plug on Robin and Patrick’s obviously upcoming HIV baby storyline. There’s no way the GH execs could take this seriously and I’m pretty sure the story would end up being just plain offensive.

Meanwhile, Jason got a reprieve from Carly so he could do what he does, no not importing coffee, killing people. Lorenzo’s brain damage turned out to be fake, which made him look like a jerk because he’d been allowing Skye to risk his life for him. She in turn helped Jason kill him.

Ah, love.

This eventually led to Jason’s 395th murder trial which of course he got out of. After dumping Sam, he’s continued pining after Liz now that he knew Jake was his.

Recently, he’s devoted his attention to hooking up with Liz in secret because that’s how you deal with losing your sister.

Okay then.

I thought we could get a reprieve from Sonny the mobster and spend some time with single Sonny, but I was wrong. 2007 brought the return of an old flame from Bensonhurst named Connie. The mobster’s teenage love has since changed her name to Kate and has become quite the fashion icon. I liked her at first because she didn’t fall for Sonny’s crap, but eventually she gave in to his "charm" and she is now just another notch on his bedpost and my dreams have been sufficiently crushed.

Another new face was Trevor Lansing. He had a past relationship with Kate and he is now trying to use the Zaccharas (yet another mob family) to get back at Sonny. God forbid we make this about Ric and Trevor, you know, his father? The reason he is the way he is?

Why is it that the only family that counts on this show are mob families?

Yeah, I don't know either.

So in summation, General Hospital is a shadow of its former self. I’d tell you that things can’t possibly get any worse, but I don’t like to make a habit of lying.

Caps by Clarissa.

Happy Days Are Here Again

2007-12-26T23:03:00.000-06:00

Now that's a soapy Christmas!

I just caught the end of today's episode of Days of Our Lives and I am so glad I did. I grew up watching this show, but I've been a viewer on hiatus for a little over a year. What was so great about what tuning in today was felt like I never left. I may have missed details here and there, but I saw so many familiar faces. That is how a soap is SUPPOSED to make you feel.

Doug playing the piano and singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christamas" was a icing on the cake for me because what really touched my heart was seeing Gran sitting in her chair surrounded by her family. Four generations were gathered in her living room and that's what I like to see at the holiday times - FAMILY.

I know Francis' Reid's health hasn't been the best during the past year, so I was surprised, but so pleased to hear her wish her Tom a Merry Christmas.

::contented sigh::

I'm home!

BFFs or Frenemies?

2007-12-26T21:41:00.000-06:00

Today Greenlee and Kendall made up (kind of) on All My Children. I realize that I'm new to the AMC scene, but for the life of me, I can't understand why Greenlee would want to be friends with Kendall.

Since I've started watching, Kendall's yelled at Greenlee repeatedly over Spike, planted false evidence on her computer and in her car, set her up for kidnapping and assault charges and slept with her boyfriend. I thought this was all just recent revenge because of the whole Spike thing, but then I caught the beginning of the retro AMC episode on Christmas. The two women were in wedding gowns, fighting over Ryan. Apparently Kendall had locked Greenlee up or some such soapy goodness to keep her from making it to the altar.

And this is the great friendship I keep hearing about?

Wow. With friends like these who needs enemies?

How Guza Stole Christmas

2007-12-24T20:08:00.000-06:00

There was no freakin' Christmas party at the hospital. It was mentioned, but there was no party.

What the hell??!!

Christmas on General Hospital means party at the hospital. I turn to soaps for traditions at the holiday times. Way to royally screw it up GH!!!

Shall we list all the things that were wrong:

*The only doctor I saw on a day that should have been filled with doctors was Dr. Julian. I guess I also saw Alan, but I'm not sure I can count him. I thought about giving credit for finding a way for Alan to read the Christmas story............ but then I changed my mind. He didn't read the whole thing and then I remembered that he's still DEAD!!

*The only part of the hospital I saw was the waiting area and Luke's room. Neither of which showed signs of the hospital's Christmas party.

Speaking of, what was that??!! Was that ANOTHER dream sequence? Tony Geary did a great job with his monologue, but was that really necessary? Maybe it was because at the end of the show he walked into the dark.

Uh......did they just kill Luke freakin' Spencer??!! Jerks!! If he is alive, the fact that they left a cliffhanger on Christmas is just cruel and twisted!!

*Pretty sure the crappiness of show was compounded by the fact that all of the characters were depressed.

You know it's a sad episode when the bright spot was seeing that Steve Burton finally cut his hair.

Of course that gift was taken away because it looks like Michael's going to carry on the tradition.

Ho, ho, ho? I think not. More like bah freakin' humbug.

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

Thanks to LiznJase for the caps.

Just Saying

2007-12-23T14:26:00.000-06:00

For those of you keeping track, I still hate this flippin' show because Georgie Jones is still dead. If anything else happened this week, I don't know what is was because I was too focused on this travesty.

I was surprised that Georgie was given a funeral, but I'm not sure it was better than the alternative. For starters, what was this:

Clearly someone took this picture last minute and it's so unflattering. That hoodie is awful and why is her gorgeous hair pulled back? What was wrong with using one of the cast stills they have on file like they've done with everyone else they've killed? Granted, that last round of promo shots were not flattering to Lindze at all, but what's wrong with the older ones? For example, this picture:
I got this from the General Hospital website. It took two seconds. Could the execs really not be bothered to look for a decent picture?

Hate. All I feel is hate and rage.

Another shocker was that Georgie's death brought Felicia (Kristina Wagner) back to town. I was surprised mostly because if memory serves, Kristina and ABC parted ways because they couldn't agree on a contract and possibly didn't part in the best of terms. The return of this vet should have been a plus, but unfortunately, her performance seemed..........off. Maybe it's because she hasn't worked with Kirsten Storms or maybe because there are hard feelings behind the scenes. If it's the latter, I'd like to think that Kristina cared enough about telling a story to suck it up for a few days so that Georgie was shown some kind of respect.

Felicia (the recast) faded into the background about two years ago and it took months (possibly a year) before anyone offered the explanation that she went to Texas to take care of a sick grandmother. As time went on she didn't contact her kids and the fact that no one took two seconds to say she called to check in was ridiculous. With Felicia's return came another explanation for her absence. I think the writers were trying to make it better, but the more she spoke, the worse it got:

Felicia: Mariah got worse. I couldn't take care of her by myself anymore. So I put her in a private health-care facility. It broke my heart, Maxie, but I didn't have any other choice. I was making arrangements to come back home and -- and I got a call. It was from Frisco. He was needing my help. He was in a situation that was deteriorating rapidly, and he didn't know who he could trust.
Maxie: Is Dad all right?
Felicia: He is now. It was touch and go for a little while, but we got through it, together. And then I realized how much I missed us -- how incomplete we were. In your life, Maxie, you get maybe one great love, and Frisco was that for me, but I couldn't live his life. You and Georgie were just babies, and I couldn't just pick up and leave on a moment's notice. So I had to make a choice. I know that you needed me more than Frisco did, so I had to let him go.
Maxie: And you regretted that ever since.
Felicia: No. That is not true. I have loved the life that I have lived in this house with you, Georgie, and Robin and Mac.
Maxie: Did you even love him? Because Mac is wonderful, and he was more of a parent to Georgie and me than you or Dad ever were.
Felicia: I'm well aware of that. Maybe that's why I felt comfortable to leave you with him.
Maxie: But Georgie and I were big girls, and we would have been happy just to know where you were -- to know you were with Dad. We would have kept your precious secret, Mom, even from Mac if you had asked us to, but you didn’t. And you have to tell me why.
Felicia: I didn't really have time to think. I just went. It all happened so fast. So then when I hooked up with Frisco, I couldn't call you. I mean, people were watching us, waiting to see how we were vulnerable. I didn't want to take the chance of putting you and Georgie at risk. Once things settled down, so much time had gone by that I didn't feel like I could make this call, so I kept putting it off. I wish that I hadn’t. I wish that I could hear her voice one more time. I wish that I had come back to see the young woman that she had become. I can see how angry you are with me. And I'll take that anger. I deserve that anger, because I wasn't here when you and Georgie needed me the most. And there's got to be a price to pay for that. But please don't ask me to regret the time that I spent with your father, because I cannot.

Why is it that GH has this incessant need to write all of the mothers and fathers on the show as "deadbeat parents?" Speaking of, this whole Frisco thing not showing up to his daughter's funeral is ridiculous. I really don't think Jack Wagner is planning on returning anytime soon (if ever) and if he did, it's safe to say he wouldn't be written for seeing as how this show abuses vets. I can't believe I'm saying this, but he's someone I wouldn't mind the show killing, especially if it meant saving someone like Georgie who still had a lot of story left to tell.

Another familiar face who returned to town was Dillon. His reaction was a little over-the-top for me, but I'm willing to let it slide because Dillon is a bit of an over-the-top character. Once again, I think the writers were trying to make things better, but they just made it worse. Dillon supposedly came back to whisk Georgie away to Canada to show her where they were going to be filming the movie he's working on. I'm sure he was there for Christmas, but it was a nice gesture that he wanted to spend time with Georgie. What was incredibly crappy was the timing.

Dear writers, this is the definition of the phrase "too little too late."

The way that GQ got destroyed by hurricane Lulu was ridiculous. If they wanted to toss in the abortion storyline, fine. It was controversial so it wasn't a bad idea to go there. What sucked was the fallout. It was obvious that they wanted to pair Lulu with Logan so to add Dillon to the other list of guys who were already chasing her was overkill and a waste of a funky character. When Dillon left town, his goodbyes focused way too much on Lulu instead of Georgie with whom he had a longer history with. I thought it was a huge slap to GQ fans. Yes, I am still bitter about that ridiculous driveby hug this summer.

The only good thing about this whole mess has been the acting by John J. York and Kirsten Storms. Those two have absolutely rocked their scenes. York is completely wasted on this show. A scene of mention is the exchange between Robin and Mac prior to the funeral:
Mac: I'm the police commissioner. I should've caught this bastard a long time ago. Instead, he's been free to roam, wreaking havoc. One of my daughters was attacked in my own living room. And now Georgie's dead.
Robin: Okay, you have to listen to me. You didn't let Georgie down once. You were the one constant in her life -- and Maxie's and mine. You were the one who committed to raising us when our parents couldn't or wouldn’t. You were there -- telling us to eat broccoli and do our homework, dealing with our raging female hormones, making us know every single day that we were just as loved as any kid in any normal family. Think of the person Georgie was -- smart, compassionate, loving -- that didn't just happen. She was a reflection of the best of you, Uncle Mac.
Mac: Whew.
Robin: You cannot control what's random. And believe me, you are the best parent any of us could've asked for.

I don't know how this little piece of gold found it's way into this crap pile of a show but I'll take it.

Maxie's eulogy was also a nice scene, except for the part where she tore into Felicia. It was totally inappropriate, but it was completely Maxie-like and it was soapy so it wasn't an entirely bad choice. What is a bad choice is the lack of reasoning behind this. The only thing I see coming from this death is it provides an excuse for Maxie to be angry with Felicia and we can have another "I hate my parents" storyline. There is no reason for her death other than laziness. The writers are too lazy to write for Georgie so it was just easier to kill her off.

Pure laziness.

When you kill off a character, make it count for something. Remember when Jesse Beaudry died? His death set up several stories: Noah's liver transplant, Maxie spiraling out of control and Lucky's pill addiction (partly). Georgie's death sets up diddly squat.

You know, I feel an odd sense of déjà vu.

I know why. Because I wrote about Emily's funeral a few weeks ago. Listen up GH execs. Murder, funerals and heartaches during the holidays is NOT a good idea. No one finds this entertaining.

I'm just saying.

Thanks to laurieluvsliason for the caps.

SNM = Soaps Negated & Marginalized?

2007-12-23T11:44:00.000-06:00

What the heck is this?

I'm watching Soapnet, you know the channel for SOAP OPERAS, when I see a commercial for SNM. Since Soapnet's been reairing old GH episodes I figure, this is going to be reairings of great soap love scenes.

Um..... no.

Apparently it means Sunday Night Movie.

Okay....... so does this mean you'll be showing movies that have a large cast of soap actors like Corbin Bernsen's Carpool Guy?

No again.

Alright then. Let's see if I have this straight. On Sunday nights, if I turn on Soapnet, I'm going to see some cheesy old movie, not soaps, or even a movie about soaps.

::crickets::

I think we just found who's behind the destruction of the soap genre.

"The World is a Darker Place..."

2007-12-17T15:02:00.000-06:00

Hate is not a strong enough word to describe how I feel about the creative minds who thought killing Georgie Jones would be a good idea.

How could you murder someone this adorable:

Number one, the timing sucks. Not only is this way too close to the time of Emily's murder, but it's the holiday season. You couldn't have waited a few extra weeks? According to this article, unlike Emily, this really is the last we'll see of Georgie which sucks because she would have made a great conscience to Maxie since that's the role she played in life anyway. I swear to God this is going to be the saddest soap Christmas I have seen in a long time, provided I continue to watch at all.

Second, there is absolutely NO SANE REASON for killing Georgie Jones!!! She is a sweet, understanding, good, loving character with a great sense of right and wrong. Those types characters are a NECESSITY on soaps. Viewers can only handle so many lying, backstabbing bitches who will never admit to their faults unless a character with no agenda and a good moral compass point those faults out to them. Characters like Georgie make us want to be better people and they give us hope that there really are kindhearted people still left in the world, fictional or not.

Another thing that irks me is how she was killed. Georgie is smart. I can buy that her blinders would go up if she thought she was protecting her sister, but the fact that she didn't even think to have backup when she ventured out to the park was ridiculous. The fact that she was out in the open instead of watching from the bushes with say Spinelli to see who showed up, was also ridiculous because Georgie would have thought to do that. How do I know this? Consider the following:

How many capers did she and Dillon get involved in?

Who are her parents?

Exactly.

Speaking of Spinelli, why could no one have clued him in sooner to Georgie's feelings?? This was just cruel, sick and twisted. This way Georgie leaves this world thinking she had gotten involved once again with some unrequited love.

Sick I tell you.

Sick and cruel.

Isn't it enough that you're taking this young, kind character from the show? I guarantee that fact alone is heartbreaking enough with adding all this extra sadness to it. Props to Bradford Anderson by the way. I'm continually impressed when they give him something serious to play instead of the goofy.

While we're on the subject of the mob, they were on waaaaayyyyy too much today. Georgie Jones is the daughter of fricken' legacy characters and she deserved so much more than what she got. Hell, Mac deserved better. He is like the only dad in Port Charles who actually takes care of his kids (his in every way that mattered). John J. York pulled at my icy heart today and it was so awful to see his character so devastated.

Mac: They got her, Lucky. They got Georgie.

No sadder words have ever been uttered.

The person that really got to me was Maxie (Kirsten Storms). Her reaction to Lucky's delivery of the bad news as well as the fit she threw when she was struggling to get to her sister once she arrived on the scene absolutely broke me.

Just like with Emily's death, I am beyond livid with the lack of goodbye scenes due to this idiotic killer storyline. For God's sake, Maxie and Georgie's last scenes involved them fighting over Coop possibly being the killer!! What the hell is that?!! Maxie shared some nice memories of her sister today, but you know what would have been nice? Actually seeing said nice scenes. What about a scene with Maxie apologizing for fighting? One where Maxie tells her sister that she understands she's just looking out for her and that's why she loves her.

Or what about a quick scene with Mac where he calls to check on Georgie and tells her how much he loves her and how proud he is of her? Hell, what about a scene with Robin, you know, her cousin? The person she really has the most in common with? As crappy as the writing has been lately (by recent I mean the last few years), I wouldn't be surprised if we never even see a scene where Robin finds out and honestly, I'm not sure these jerks will be kind enough to give Georgie a proper funeral. I swear to God if this all goes down in Robin's damn blog I will be one pissed off viewer!!

This whole event is an exercise in lazy writing. Writers, you already had an exit mapped out for Georgie, one that didn't involve death. She was going to study abroad, remember that? If Lindze's contract was up and you wanted to write her out, you could have written her into her study abroad adventure early. Maybe a spot opened up in the spring and the professors decided to offer it to Georgie because her good grades made her a prime candidate. She could have fallen in love with Paris (or whereever she went) and decided to finish her schooling there. After all, she originally stayed in Port Charles because of Dillon right?

Still don't want to bring her back at the end of college? Simple. Have her choose to live in Europe. It's not that much of a stretch considering Robin lived in Paris for years. If you don't want to bother stretching your creativity a little because you hate your job or are simply too lazy to do so, then quit and let someone who cares do your job. There are several people out there, myself included, who would care more about good storytelling than the bottom line. What I don't get is why the higher ups can't seem to understand that the former will lead to the latter. I can guarantee that this stunt is going to lose you more viewers that you gain.

As far as I can tell, Lindze is a talented actress who was never really given the chance to flex her acting muscles on this show. Saying there was a lack of story for the character is a load of crap because there was still so many ways to flesh out the character of Georgie Jones. She still had a lot of stories or life (depending on how you look at it) ahead of her.

Spinelli: She shouldn't be dead.

Damn straight. Now if you could convince the writers of this, that would be great.

So have I mentioned in the last five minutes how much I hate, loathe, detest, abhor and despise this damn show?

Just Saying

2007-12-16T10:52:00.000-06:00

I'll keep this week's column short and sweet because I'm saving my energy for an upcoming rant. Believe me, you'll know it when you see it.

Alrighty then. I surprisingly enjoyed Luke's heart surgery storyline this week because of all the family interaction and of course the dream sequence, which I already discussed. I adored his scenes with Lucky and I was pleasantly surprised by his talk with Barbara Jean. These two really have a great brother/sister vibe and it's a shame the writers don't put it to good use more often. Despite these surprises, I think I was most shocked that I saw Tracy, Scotty, Leslie and Bobbie all in one place for an extended amount of time and it wasn't a holiday or a funeral. I mean can you believe that many vets were allowed to be dusted off and hauled out of storage at once? I would like to think that one of the higher ups have finally heard my pleas to use the veteran actors, but truthfully, I think they had to use them because everyone else is on Christmas vacation. The fact that the decision was likely not caused by a positive shift in the writing makes me nervous considering there's a killer on the loose.

Maxie's would be killer is still out there, but the spunky Jones girl lives to be blunt another day thanks to Georgie's perfect timing. The younger sister caught a glimpse of the psycho, but not enough to I.D. him. Throughout the week, Georgie grew more suspicious of Coop and enlisted Spinelli's expertise to help her prove it. While Spinelli was explaining his mission to Jason, the hitman finally clued the hacker slacker into the fact that Ms. Jones has a crush on him. It was actually quite adorable seeing that dim little lightbulb flicker on, but then I grew angry as I realized what was to come.....but I will try to hold onto that anger for the rant that is forthcoming.

While Georgie was becoming more certain that Coop is the culprit, Mac and Lucky were convinced that Johnny is the killer and he was brought in for questioning only to be released thanks to Diane (Jason sent her because he doesn't believe Johnny did it). What shocked me was Diane's monologue on Mac's past:

Mac: Your client is a suspect in a serial murder case. He has a serious rap sheet.
Diane: "Serious," commissioner? A hormonal teenager who drives too fast? Maybe got himself into a couple of fistfights? This is an overprivileged young man with a troubled family life.
Mac: He is a suspect in a serial murder case.
Diane: That your own daughters couldn't identify in a lineup. Now, had my client, for instance, worked as a -- oh, I don't know -- soldier of fortune, let's say -- if his record included assault on a police officer, attempted murder, dealing with loan sharks to pay off gambling debts, and a nasty explosives incident in a mine owned by the Jacks family in Australia -- oh, wait a minute. That's you, isn't it?

Did someone seriously remember that Mac has a history? Holy crap! I wonder if this means the scabs are writing now. Actually, wait. Cancel that. The PCPD employees are still being written as incompetent so it's definitely still the work of the usual writers.

Now time for the lightening round:

*Sam and Lucky decided to move in together, but the when and where are still being worked out and I'm still suspicious of Sam's motives.

*Sonny and Kate are still arguing over boundaries, but Kate gave in and slept with her ex, so it's safe to say her resolve is weakening (dang it, I really want a woman to stand up to Sonny!).

*Lulu's lying to Logan because she's secretly trying to meet Johnny.

*Johnny wanted to broker a truce for Sonny, which I'm all for (it'd be a nice change don't you think?), but Trevor's made that impossible by killing 3 of Sonny's men. As if that wasn't enough, when we left him Friday, he had managed to set up Johnny, Lulu and Sonny to be killed/injured.

*Cruz is alive (hooray!!!) But his brief appearance was just to make Coop look more guilty (boo!!).

*That new nurse's itchy elbow equalling bad things happening was so LAME!! Go put some lotion on your chapped skin and shut up! Bad things have happened in that hospital and throughout Port Charles long before you ever stumbled through those ER doors and bad happenings will continue whether or not you remember to put lotion on your itchy body parts. I'm not knocking all superstitions here, simply really lame ones. There are definitely better superstitions out there.

I'm just saying.

Bureacratic BS

2007-12-13T17:40:00.000-06:00

What the bloody hell is this???

They fired Sabine Singh so the original Greenlee can come back? Are you kidding me??!! I am so upset because I have really enjoyed the chemistry between Singh and Aiden Turner. Like I've said before, I only started watching AMC because of this couple.

I tried to cool down after hearing the news, but the more digging I did to find out the whys and hows, the more pissed I became. For example have you seen this letter that's circling the Internet? (Scroll down to see the original posting by Superposter of the Year).

The post starts like this:

ITS TRUE.

hi. im new to the board but have been reading it for months now as ss is one of my oldest dearest friends from home. I also hope she does not get angry at me for writing today and speaking HER TRUTH. She is DEVASTATED but is doing everything she can to hide it and continue to honor and respect the show, the fans, and her friends at amc. She was given the news this week and basically, i kid you not, given less than a week to "quietly get out".

And it only gets worse from there.

It's hard to say if this is a legit letter or if a disgruntled fan posted it, but either way, I have a feeling it's pretty close to the truth. Just check out ABC Daytime's Website:

The "Real" Greenlee?

Wow.

If that isn't a huge slap in the face to Sabine, I don't know what is.

I don't know the behind-the-scenes nitty gritty because I wasn't there, but it looks to me like the AMC execs are looking for a quick fix to plummeting ratings and they think bringing back the original actress is going to fix that. By the way, it isn't. What you need is better writing, but that's a post for another day.

One of the things that bothers me is the timing. Isn't Sabine in the middle of a contract? It seems like they kicked her out as soon as the original actress decided to come back. From what I understand, Rebecca left to pursue other opportunities and has turned down the chance to return to AMC different times. My guess is those "other opportunities" didn't happen and she misses a steady paycheck, which is understandable, I just hate that it's at the expense of Sabine.

Now I don't know Rebecca, but I'm not sure I can root for her either. In a Q&A, here's what she had say about her recent roles:

Well, I just did a CSI. That was pretty cool--I played a stripper!

Um, yeah............

She was excited about playing a stripper.

Nope. I'm not feeling that.

So while I realize I'm probably in the minority here because generally speaking, viewers prefer the original actor on any soap, I still think this sucks and it's wrong. Minority or not, I think Sabine has developed quite a few fans so how about a compromise. How about bring her back as a different character? Kind of like GH is with Sarah Brown.

I just cited GH as an example of a good idea. That's how big of a mess AMC is right now.

Because I know I probaby won't get my way, I had resigned myself to the fact that I could at least enjoy the last month of scenes between Sabine and Aiden because you know their characters will be reunited by Christmas, but then I saw AMC's promo for the week.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Aidan and Kendall sleep together because of GRIEF??!!

You effin' (expletives)!!!

I have one month left to enjoy scenes with these actors and you're going to ruin it with this contrived crap?

Not only that, but now we find out that Greenlee isn't responsible for Spike's deafness. So what your saying is after months of having to play scenes where everybody hates her, Sabine has to leave, before she receives the reward of having scenes of acceptance??!!

@@#$%&*($@!!!!

God I hate this show!

Luke's Divine Comedy

2007-12-12T17:43:00.000-06:00

Oh. My. God.

That was by far the most amusing version of hell I have EVER seen!

For those of you who missed it, Luke went under the knife this week and during that time we were treated to a dream where Skye was his guide through the Spencer version of hell.

Skye!!! So nice to see you. You've been missed.

On another note:

This "old fart" version of Luke is creepy.

So in the eldest Spencer's version of hell, he's trapped in Laura's house which now belongs to Lulu and her family: Apparently Lulu's been married to the Logan Hayes (Baldwin) for 10 years. In addition to the giant dog name Wizzer (the name's self-explanatory), the baby with the sensitive digestive tract and the bun in the oven, the Baldwins have two other lovely kidlets:They're absolute brats and at one point Luke calls the girl a little bitch. I don't normally approve of that word being tossed around by men, but I will make an exception in this case.

So Luke's duties for the evening? Babysitting while Lulu and her hubby go to "Lamaze class"AKA, date night.

I absolutely loved the look of sheer horror on Luke's face:

And where did they find this baby? He was so well behaved. Luke kept shaking him and he didn't make a sound.

Next up on the guest list, we have Leslie (squee!) who apparently was thrilledthat disco (which Luke abhors) made a comeback.

I have no words.

Alright, so Luke being Luke, tries to make a run for it, but seeing that he's in hell, the escape route was a little too hot to handle.

As if Leslie's outfit of choice wasn't disturbing enough, we were then treated to Lucky's facial transformation:

There is nothing funny about messing with Greg Vaughan's hotness. Even he cannot pull off the 'stache. Can someone please start a campaign to prevent this look from ever coming to fruition?

Now the next guest I NEVER saw coming. Apparently, in his old age, Luke has joined the PCPD (ha!) and hangs out with the commish. They meet for iced tea (not long island iced tea) weekly and go golfing in the middle of the night at a putt putt place wearing ridiculous clothing:

Poor Mac. Where on earth did they find those clothes? Oh well. At least he kept himself amused waving at the baby.

I had to toss this cap in purely because the expressions are priceless:
FYI, Luke's granddaughter did the honors after he took her cell away.

Now, what would any trip to hell be without a visit from Luke's nemesis Scotty?
And he didn't come alone. Meet his new wife:

Tracy: The jet is waiting.
Scott: Mm-hmm.
Tracy: I'll be in the car --
Scott: Hmm.
Tracy: Getting ready.
Scott: Ah! Oh, what a great girl she is. But I don't have to tell you that, do I? Do you have a message for Holly?
Luke: Holly?
Scott: Yes, yes. She's going to be at the opening of my casino, and then her and I are going to slip off to Nassau for a little fun.
Luke: You're cheating on Tracy? Finally, something that makes sense.
Scott: There's no cheating. Tracy -- she loves to share me. I got a great life, Spencer! Great! See you around.

Sharing?? Classic!!

Luke thought things were beginning to turn up when he ran across a Cuban cigar. Then Skye offered him a bowl of lighters......that didn't work.

Luke: Ah. There is a God. Ah. Hmm. Hey, you got a light? Where's the matches? Where's the matches? Where -- no, don't tell me I can't get a light in hell!

Okay then, I won't tell you.

His next gift was a bottle of booze.........that was stuck in the bottle.

Between the cigars and the booze, Luke finally decided he'd had enough and made a run for it and this time he woke up.
Yes, thankfully Luke survived the surgery and lives to terrorize Scotty another day. Considering how much I've been hating this show recently, I was surprised how much I enjoyed this little dream sequence. My guess is Tony Geary had a lot of say in these scenes. Here's an idea: Geary for head writer! Who's with me?

Thanks to Clarissa for the caps!

Just Saying - two week review

2007-12-11T17:40:00.000-06:00

I’ve endured a lot over the years watching General Hospital, but through it all, I’ve remained a loyal viewer. Well, I think they might have done it. GH execs have found a way to make me stop watching: ugly green paint at the hospital. God, how I hate the color green and the hospital’s makeover is definitely a downgrade. What's the deal? I thought soaps were dealing with budget cuts so why would you waste what little money you have on ugly paint? I’m honestly not sure that I’ll be able to continue watching because every time I see the walls I want to throw up. On the other hand, we all know how little airtime the hospital actually gets and I think it’s safe to say my stomach might be able to handle it's rare appearance.

When we last left off, Emily was pronounced dead and she left a myriad of friends and family behind to pick up the pieces. Sonny went to Monica’s the day of the funeral to ask permission for Jason’s attendance, which she once again denied (didn’t really matter since he hid out in the vestibule anyway). Once again, I was shocked that the writers let Monica get away with all of her anti-Sonny rhetoric:

Monica: Emily is dead because of you, Sonny.
Sonny: If it's my fault, then it can't be Jason's, right?
Monica: Oh, yes, but mostly I blame you, because you were responsible for destroying Jason's life, so he, in turn, could destroy his sister.
Sonny: Monica, I know you hate me, but Jason is your son. He's walking around like he's in a cloud. I think he needs to go to that funeral, and I think maybe you need it, too.
Monica: I need the Jason that I had before you made him a criminal. I need the A.J. I had before you hounded him to death, and I need Alan, whose heart you broke before his heart should ever have failed. I need Michael, who you stole from me and my family. And I need Emily, who you seduced and you left unprotected so one of your rivals could have her murdered. I hope you rot in hell for what you have done to me and my family. You are an evil, selfish man, Sonny, and I really hope that one of your enemies tracks you down, before you destroy your family like you have destroyed mine! Now, get out.

After getting that many shots in, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see Monica get “eliminated,” especially with a killer on the loose. I think what was even more shocking, was Sonny admitting to Kate that if he were in Monica’s shoes, he would have killed the person who did as much damage as he has done to her kids. Wonders never cease.

There are only two good things about soap funerals: montages and reappearances of old characters. Dillon looks like the next Ned in training as he (and of course Ned) returned to the canvas for the funeral. I appreciated the Dillon and Georgie scenes, but why are they making her look like the bad guy? Dillon accused her of shutting him out of her life, but in all fairness, he left her behind a long time ago. Georgie admitted that she had met someone (didn’t confess it was Spinelli though) and Dillon said he was happy for her.

While we’re on the subject of her object of affection, why must he continue being oblivious? After the funeral, Georgie brought Spinelli some chicken soup only to be outdone by this random new nurse. During the funeral, instead of sitting next to Mac, she sat behind him. I know seating arrangements can be odd at these funerals because of camera angles and whatnot, but this was ridiculous. I want to know what this actress has done to make the writers treat her character so poorly. Is it the nose piercing? I totally approve of her new jewelry, by the way. It’s very Robinesque. Unfortunately, it looks like her similarities to her cousin will lead to similar tragedic storylines.

There were definitely a few things off with Emily’s funeral. For starters, what was with everyone's sunglasses?
Tracy dear, you're inside. Lose the shades.

And Lulu’s hair?

I so do not approve.

Prior to the funeral, Carly tried to convince Jason to sneak into the service and she said something to the effect that she respected Emily. Um, since when? The other weird thing was not having Ned or any of the Quartermaines speak at the service. Elizabeth got the honors and as eulogies go, it was a rather nice one.

On a bittersweet note, the shot of the Quartermaines gathered together outside the church after the funeral was really nice.

Family is the reason many of us tune in and seeing this ragtag group pull together during times of crisis really does my heart some good. I should probably save this picture though, because God only knows when I’ll see that scene again. Something else I enjoyed was Tracy’s honest take on the situation:

Luke: How was the funeral?
Tracy: It was hideous. My father and Monica sat there like cardboard cutouts. Elizabeth droned on and on about Emily's virtues and you could tell all she wanted to do was find the nearest bathroom and heave, and Nikolas wandered around like a zombie. Don't you dare be the reason I have to endure another day like today. Don't -- you – dare.

I was pleased to see the Musketeers unite, if only for a little while, to get through the service, but afterward they went their separate ways: Elizabeth sought comfort in Jason’s arms and Sam found Lucky at Kelly’s. I’m not sure I’m okay with that last one because Kelly’s was a place for Lucky, Elizabeth, Emily and Nikolas; however, they left quick enough so I'm willing to let it slide.

Speaking of the devastated prince, it’s been really sad watching him wander around his mansion in a fog. At one point, he completely flipped out over Alfred removing all of his fiancé’s clothes from the closet. After the funeral, he went back to his fiancé's room and found her……No I don’t mean a picture of Emily, I mean Emily.
Now that was a "what the hell?" moment if ever I saw one.

Apparently, the writers have gone the way of Alan’s ghost and decided to make Emily aparition as well. At least I think she’s a ghost. She could be a hallucination I suppose given Nikolas’ condition. I’m not exactly clear on the rules and I guess neither are they. So far we know that they can touch, she can follow Nikolas out of the house and unlike Alan, she can change clothes. The writers get creative points for allowing these two to touch because I think it adds that fairy tale element this couple is known for. It was absolutely heartbreaking watching Emily realize she was dead, but once she accepted it, she adamantly told Nikolas he was not her killer, despite the fact that neither one remembers what happened that night. Only in soapland would the phrase “I’m certain you didn’t kill me” be acceptable. Something else that is just absolutely heart wrenching is Nikolas’ fear that she’ll leave once he closes his eyes or that if he gets help for his medical condition she’ll be gone.

Nikolas: You know I can't tell anybody about this, this has to be a secret. If people find out, they'll -- they'll lock me up and you'll disappear from me.
Emily: Not if you want me there.
Nikolas: I wouldn't want you there, not like that.
Emily: What if we're not crazy? With everything that we don't understand about this world, what if it were real?

This is sort of turning out to be a touching story, you know, the fact that death can’t separate a love so strong, but on the other hand, I’m getting a little distracted by Natalia’s constant grinning. Her character's dead. Why is that so funny? I guess death made Alan more of a smartass and Emily more giddy. Whatever. Truthfully, I don’t like either of the ghostly states of these characters because I still wish the writers could find a way to resolve storylines without killing everybody. Sigh.

“If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.”

I thought perhaps one of the best reactions to Emily’s death was Lucky’s. Luke unknowingly dropped the bomb on his son and Greg Vaughan did a good job showing his character go through a range of emotions. I think the has taken advantage of recent scenes and using them to really shine and I hope he continues to do so in the future.

So it looks like Luke’s heart took quite a beating at the Black and White Ball. Monica informed him that the damage is so bad that he needs a quadruple bypass. I know, I too was shocked to see that someone remembered Monica was a cardiologist. Of course, Luke rebelled against the idea and tried to sneak out of the hospital several times and the view of him in his skivvies definitely made me giggle . At one point, he made it all the way to lookout bridge where he celebrated his freedom with a bottle of booze and another heart attack. Lulu and Johnny happened to be there and rushed him back to GH. Now the young cardiologist is telling Luke he needs surgery.
Doesn't the rock t-shirt beneath the lab coat tell you that he mean's business? If this ensemble doesn’t scream professional, I don’t know what does.

After much pleading, Luke eventually gave in. Luke is the one character whose life I've never been concerned for, but given the current state of the show, I'm not so sure. Here's hoping Luke Spencer survives to be a loveable scoundrel another day.

Over in Sonnyland, Kate spent the last two weeks trying to teach him about boundaries. What’s amusing is Sonny’s confusion over the meaning of the word “no.” Actually, Max and Milo are the ones keeping me entertained in this storyline. The whole mess started with Kate’s discovery that Sonny installed a security system in her house without her permission. She became privy to the info thanks to Max’s loose lips and it was quite funny watching him accidentally spill his guts. Afterward, Kate decided to breakup with the king pin until he learned to respect her boundaries. Honey, have you met Sonny? You may be waiting a long time.

Next up, Kate knocked an intruder unconscious and instead of being one of her ex’s hired muscle, it was her new interior decorator. Number 1, why was he sneaking into her house at that time of night? Number 2, they used the same colors as they did on the new hospital set (barf) and I'm wondering why they had to spread it around instead of just sparing the hospital? Once I got over that I realized this was the first time we've seen the inside of her house (I think) then I started wondering, how is it that all of these people who moved out of their ex’s homes/just moved into town (i.e. Sam, Elizabeth, Ric, Kate) all received a set for their house instantly while I still have no idea where poor Robin is living? Since I know I’ll never get that question answered, I’ll just move along. This late-night little encounter led to another hilarious Max/Milo moment that I so enjoyed. The bodyguard brothers were sent outside while Mr. C and Ms. Howard talked and had a little discussion of their own:

Milo: What do you think we should do?
Max: "Think"? Milo, we don't get paid to think. We're told what to do and we were told to wait here.
Milo: Yeah, but I mean, we could be here all night.
Max: Yeah, we could.
Milo: All the cold, cold night.
Max: We're going to be here as long as it takes.
Milo: What do you suppose they're doing in there?
Max: The boss is seducing Ms. Howard, come on.
Milo: Great. Then we really could be here all night.
Max: Didn't we just have this conversation?
Milo: It's not going to happen. She is a tough cookie, Kate. Yeah. No way he seduces her.
[Max chuckles]
Max: Then you don't know Mr. C.
Milo: And you don't know women.
Max: What?
Milo: Yeah. 50 bucks says we're home by 10.
Max: It's on.

I'm happy to say Milo won the bet.

Kate decided to step things up a notch by hiring Alexis to file a complaint against Sonny: his wall is infringing on her yard by three inches. Now this pit Alexis against Diane once again and while Alexis tried to point out this wasn’t about them, Diane was adamant that it was. I wish Alexis could get a real storyline, but again, I know this is all I’m going to get for now so at least Diane’s indignation over Kate’s gift to Alexis:

(Neela Lorente originals) was amusing.

In other mob news, Jason took some time off from “eliminating people” to secretly attend his sister’s wedding before heading hooking up with her best friend. I’m not really a fan of this pairing, but I do recognize that it was big deal for you guys seeing as how they haven’t been together since the original ONS. So hooray for you and you may have a moment to celebrate……

…..and scene.

During afterglow, Jason and Liz discussed the future and how they have no idea what to do. Jason wants this family life, but he’s made some choices (i.e. joining the mob) that prevent that. The solution is really simple: Jason needs a new identity which is also easy as pie to do - just shave your head. I’m sure no one would recognize you sans that incredibly distracting mop atop your head. In a rare occurrence, said hitman melted just a thin layer of ice from around my cold, cold heart with this scene:

It was eventually decided that Lucky would continue pretending to be Jake’s father and on one hand, I’m glad because I would really hate to see Lucky lose those boys because he really does love them, but on the other, he can’t really expound to anyone about how it sucks that Jake isn’t his, except to Sam, who I’m not sure if she is still working Lucky or not.

Speaking of babies, it seems like Carly wants to have another one, but she doesn’t want to tell Jax she’s trying to get pregnant. Great idea Carly. Because keeping things from your husband has worked so well for you in the past. I’m not sure another baby is such a good idea because she has enough to worry about with the two she’s got. She and Sonny finally broke the news to Michael and Morgan that Emily was killed, which, by the way, aren’t the “we have something sad to tell you”/“(insert name of loved one here) has died” conversations becoming awfully frequent? Speaking of the deceased, have Carly and Jax hired a new nanny yet? What? You didn’t think Carly was actually going to take care of her own kids did you?

Anywho, Michael was understandably upset, but he once again wanted to know why Sonny didn’t kill the murderer because “that’s how it works.”

Uh….
…………
……...........
????

Oh yes, Port Charles in the hands of the next generation is not in trouble at all.

Across town, the baby crazies struck again. In an incredibly over the top plot point, a bride who was struck by a car was brought into GH and her worried wedding party followed her. All of this was to show Patrick how precious life is (because being a surgeon who holds life and death in his hands everyday wasn’t enough) and that he still loved Robin (which has been clarified numerous time during the past several months). From there the two kiss and make up on Friday, but Monday’s scenes were a little schizophrenic (because this show is known for continuity) and Robin seemed reluctant and Patty boy proposes a compromise……..over having children…..

?????

Truthfully, I was waiting for King Solomon to pull out the saw.

So Mr. Genius’ idea did not involve a saw, but his "compromise" was to get back together with Robin and table the discussion of babies for a year. Thankfully, Robin did not cave and we were once again back to where we started. The women of the hospital had a lousy week and ended up relaxing a Jake’s. Now, I thought the memories of Emily at their first girls’ night out was a nice, but it was mucked up by Nadine’s presence. Why was she there? The idea that she was supposed to be filling Emily’s recently vacated barstool was rather insulting to me.

Oh, but it gets so much worse…

Patrick and Leo decide they can’t think so they want to sign out and head for the bar as well(wow, this hospital is run so professionally) and of course our favorite female medical personnel are already at Jake’s and quite intoxicated.

Gee. I wonder what’s going to happen next.

Before we examine this debacle, I would like to comment that a Patrick/Leo friendship could totally work. It’s about time Patrick had a friend to give voice to his thoughts. Someone who had no trouble voicing her drunken opinion was Elizabeth. She laid into Patrick and basically called him a coward for not wanting to be a father when there are other men (i.e. Jason) who want to be fathers, but can’t.
So. Much. Wrong.

Ok, so first, was the Jason propping necessary? I mean really. We get that he’s sad about giving his son up blah, blah, blah, blah. We get it already! Second, Elizabeth was way too harsh which only made matters worse because she was the only kinda sorta friend Patrick had at the hospital. Finally, what purpose did this serve? Patrick and Robin are still at an impasse and now they’re just fighting again.

I think I need an aspirin.

I have no doubt this trainwreck would have continued if Alexis hadn’t called Patrick to help clean up Jerry’s mess. While we’re on the subject, why is she his lawyer and can we please quit pairing Alexis with unstable men? Can’t we give her someone normal like Ned? No? Fine. At least I can count on Nancy Lee Grahn to keep me entertained with her Alexis banter:

Alexis: That's quite a hero complex you're lugging around there.
Jerry: And matched only by your persecution complex, which makes us perfect dinner companions. You see? You see? You like me. Why are you trying to be so contrary?
Alexis: Oh, I'm not trying. I am contrary when it comes to you, because I -- I told you, and I -- I will tell you again, so you need to retain the fact. I don't play with fire -- been there, done that. Go burn someone else.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Too bad.
Alexis: Not really.

Sigh. Mildly amused or not, I’m quickly growing tired of all the dysfunction.

In teen land, Johnny watched his paralyzed father get committed and younger Zacchara assumed the throne as it were. In an odd "huh?" moment, don’t these two kind of look alike?

Just some food for thought.

So instead of Johnny backing out of the mess he’s about to inherit, he thinks he’s stuck and he’s just going to have to deal with it. Oh goody. More mob madness.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Maxie and Georgie this week because I so adore their sisterly interactions because they are so convincing and because I crave the normalcy. Unfortunately, I quickly became angry as I realized they were getting involved in this serial killer nonsense. Georgie received an anonymous text about her sister and instead of being concerned that some stranger had her number, she brushed it off. Meanwhile, Maxie headed to the PCPD to give her statement about the Black and White Ball. During that time, Coop started acting shifty and the writers basically threw all suspicion in his direction in a not so subtle way. By the end of the week, the killer had a phone cord wrapped around Maxie’s neck.
Greeaattt.

Just what we need, another murder. I think Maxie will be alright, but it’s Georgie I’m worried about. We hardly ever see her and the only time the GH execs seem to bring out long missed characters is when they're ready to kill them. I’m also more concerned because Georgie is one of the only characters with any morals and she’s currently unattached to any male counterpart. That spells disaster in Port Charles.

I’m off to say some novenas for Georgie, but with the way things have been going lately, this is not going to end how I want it to. I’m just saying.

Thanks to Clarissa for the caps.

Life Imitating Art?

2007-12-09T22:50:00.000-06:00

All soap watchers have friends and family who just can't seem to understand what the attraction to soaps are. They say the shows are so inrealistic because those situations would never happen in real life. To those people I say take a look at THIS.

Infidelity and questionable paternities are hallmarks of soaps and those situations do happen in real life. All you have to do is turn on the Maury show for verification. Thanks to these Brits, I can now add faking your own death to my list of events that happen in the real world as well as soapland.

Just Saying - November Sweeps edition

2007-11-25T23:04:00.000-06:00

For November’s big murder they killed Emily Quartermaine. Are you freakin’ kidding me??!! Number one, it really wasn’t a twist. Nikolas was shown all upset at the beginning of sweeps and it was clearly over a woman. Who else would it be besides Emily? Number two, what do the GH execs have against the Quartermaines? They have been dying out hard core in recent years. A.J. was brought back just long enough to die, Justus was murdered in yet another mob war, Alan died of a heart attack barely eight months ago and now Emily was strangled. Yeah, this really makes me want to watch. Why would I want to invest in anyone when they’re just going to be killed off during the next sweeps period anyway?

Nikolas holding onto Emily once she was gone was pretty heartbreaking as was Elizabeth crying over her friend’s dead body, but there was still so many things that irked me over this death.
For starters, why didn’t Emily get any sort of goodbye scenes with people? There was a moment in the stables with Elizabeth where they exchanged I love yous and discussed drinking tequila and making wedding plans, but other than that, nada. I was also ticked about the people that suddenly expressed interest in Emily’s passing, i.e. Sonny and Carly. Yes, I know Sonny and Em were “in love,” but their connection, as well as Emily’s to Carly’s boys, has not been mentioned in months. And what is this business with Lucky? I mean they are the oldest friends out of the musketeers, right? Lucky couldn’t get any kind of “oh my God she’s dead” scene before he went missing (what is up with that anyway)?

And what about Robin? Robin and Emily were friends many moons ago, yes? She would have been a perfect person to come in and stop Nikolas from shooting himself. They could have talked about going on with life when you think you can’t because after all, Robin is the poster child for tragedy. And then there’s Tracy. I know her and Emily weren’t the closest, but the fact that there were no other Quatermaines to have family moments should have meant that Tracy got some sort of scene by default.

I’m glad that I got to see Edward and Monica for a minute (post ball), but it really would have been much better if Emily survived a trip to the hospital and then died so there could have been some sort of goodbye scenes. When Jason broke the news to Monica, I was actually shocked by her reaction, but pleased. I know it’s supposed to look like “poor Jason, Monica doesn’t want him at the funeral,” but it was nice to see someone call Jason on his part in all of this. I could really be down for a Jason tries to quit the mob storyline (like that will ever happen). It will be interesting to see how this funeral plays out. Emily is getting a funeral, right?

Before I continue with the complaints, I just want to take a moment to say how pleased I was with the Alexis/Ric scenes. From Alexis’ verbal assault on Trevor to Ric apologizing to Alexis at the hospital, it was all quite expected, but superb.

In case you missed it, here’s the latter:

Alexis: What should I tell Molly?
Ric: Tell her I'm looking forward to it. I was lying there helpless, looking at my father with his -- with his empty regrets, and I thought to myself, "In 20 years, is this going to be -- is this going to be me with Molly?" I got to break that cycle, Alexis, and it starts with you and me. I want to make peace.......... There's too much to carry -- you know, the blame, the anger..........Look, you're a great mother, and -- and a fairly amazing woman. It's -- it's just time that I treated you accordingly.
Alexis: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with all this.
Ric: Just accept it, okay? I'm just hoping for a ceasing of animosity here. I -- hey -- I know it's a hard habit to break, but I'll try to lead by example, prove to you that I -- I mean what I say.
Alexis: I'm not perfect, and I'm -- I'm certainly not blameless. But for our daughter's sake, I could try not to hate you anymore.

In real world, I wouldn’t think twice about making amends if I was Alexis, but because these two were royally screwed all in the name of a Jason and Elizabeth's hookup, I’m totally willing to develop a case of amnesia if the writers are toying with putting these two back together. The chemistry between these two actors alone would be worth it.

Now back to regularly scheduled critique:

Someone who fared only slightly better than Emily was Luke and while I’m always happy to see Mr. Spencer, I was disappointed by his lack of involvement in this sweeps period. How ridiculous was it that they gave him a heart attack not once, but twice? Are you serious? The only thing that was remotely enjoyable was Luke’s continued snarking despite his predicament. Scott and Logan helping the loveable scoundrel was pure soapy goodness considering the Baldwins are his sworn enemies, but of course, instead of saying thank you, Luke offered a “go to hell.” Ah, I would expect nothing less than you, Luke. At least while he was flat on his back, Luke kept me mildly entertained with his conversations with Tracy. A few of my favorites included:

Luke: If you don't stop yapping at me like a wife, wife, I'm going to trade you in on a younger model.
Tracy: Hmm. Huh, too bad your heart couldn't take it -- ha.
[Luke chuckles]
Tracy: You are so lucky to have me.
Luke: Don't I know it. We're a damn good match. You make me almost happy. I kind of like that.
Tracy: Now you're really scaring me.
Luke: I'll make you a deal. You stop hovering, and don't turn into some kind of diet-monitoring pain in the ass, and I won't die on you.
Tracy: It's a deal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tracy: How are you feeling?
Luke: Like somebody parked an R.V. on my chest. And they said I didn't have a heart.
Tracy: Well, you've been abusing it for years. It finally staged a protest. I can't say I love the timing, but it could have been worse.
Luke: You think?
Tracy: Yeah. You could be face down on the floor in a bar in Sri Lanka with some floozy who doesn't speak English.
Luke: Floozy speaks English. You're thinking of trollop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke: If it is, you might want to let me get a word in. It's ironic that my ticker jumps its track here, in the house of Cassadine. Mikkos, Stefan, and Stavros must be laughing their flaming asses off.

In possibly one of the most ridiculous plot points of the century (Robin‘s premonitions are in the top 10 because really, what the hell are those?), Anthony Zaccharra thought Leyla looked like his dead wife. Um, the only reason some that new should have been brought into this storyline was if they wanted Anthony to think he killed his wife again. A newbie is expendable and viewers wouldn’t have to worry about the loss of a beloved character. Oh wait, this is GH I’m talking about. Nevermind.

If you really wanted something soapy, Anthony should have thought Emily looked like his wife. She could have gotten lost in the lake during the storm and Anthony could have kidnapped her leaving the town to believe she died. But of course, that would only work if you wanted to do something midly soapesque.

So I have to say I thought that sweeps was good for Robin’s character as far as showing off her spunky side as well as her compassion. First of all, I loved how mouthy she got when she told Anthony her name was Cinderella. While I’m thinking about it, can someone please give Patrick some lessons in dealing with psychos? Even Leyla knew she needed to work Anthony if they wanted to get anywhere. Secondly, Robin tried to hide Leyla to protect her, Robin helped care for her after she was shot and then Dr. Scorpio apologized for any poor behavior she may have exhibited since her breakup Patrick. If this doesn’t prove she’s a big person, I don’t know what will. Could you honestly say you would do and say all these things to your ex’s new play thing? I didn’t think so.

Speaking of Dr. Drake, it was nice to FINALLY get to hear more of his perspective on the whole daddy issue. He sort of offered an apology and then explained that he’s concerned Robin and the child will suffer if he turns out to be a lousy father. Sadly, any good will these pretty words produced were lost when he returned to the hospital. Number one, why would he treat Jerry without so much as a “this bastard blew my life apart this year, but I’ll save him because it’s my job” considering their history? Number two, why was he so amazed at Leyla taking a bullet? Pretty sure Robin jumped in front of him during the Jerry/Craig debacle. What’s that? We’re supposed to forget about that storyline? So this means Robin never actually jumped in front of that gun? Okay, well now that we’ve cleared that up…

I’ve already discussed the Lucky/Sam/Jason/Elizabeth paternity reveal so I’ll move along with the mob news. In a not so shocking confession, Sonny professed his love for his work. And I quote:

Sonny: I like what I do. I mean, you know, I know it's wrong, but I'm willing to, you know, do everything I can to get what I want, and I -- I do everything in my heart to protect the people who are around me. I -- I don't want to -- I don't want to stop, I don't -- whatever it costs.

Don’t ever try and tell me that Sonny doesn’t quit the business because he can’t. It’s because he doesn’t want to and I now have proof. The mobster also confessed his love for Kate, much to the dismay of Carly, but really she wasn’t upset. She’s just concerned for Sonny and not the least bit jealous because she’s in love with Jax…….

Riiiiiggggttttt.

Speaking of Carly, she was happy that Jax once again surfaced (literally), but then she was strangled. Turns out we not only have one killer on the loose, but two. Could somebody please inform the higher ups that less is more?

I think maybe the #1 thing wrong with sweeps was the overabundance of newbie scenes. For example, who is this Nadine chick? She had quite a few scenes and I don't have a clue who she is nor do I care. She listened to Nikolas spill his guts (when he should have been talking to family) and I guess she's interested in Spinelli which is irksome considering Georgie likes him. And what about this Detective Harper guy? Where the heck is Cruz? I demand you give him back right now!! Sweeps are a time for vets. I haven't known these characters long enough to be invested in them so really they're just a bore and make want to tune out.

It looks like our grande finale is as follows:

1 dead heiress

2 dead handlers

1 dead servant

1 maimed D.A.
6 dead mercenaries
1 case of appendicitis
3 head injuries
2 heart attacks

2 gunshot wounds

1 flare up of a knife injury

1 critically injured pyscho

P.S. - Expect some retroactive posts in the next few days now that life has finally given me time I finally to catch up on the last two weeks of GH (thank God for recording devices). In case a trip down memory lane will reopen some old wounds, you've been properly warned.

Delayed

2007-11-18T22:34:00.000-06:00

Because sweeps will be over in a few days, I've decided to hold off on this week's General Hospital review. I'll wait and sum up my thoughts on this ridiculous story arc until later this week. To all my American readers, happy early Turkey day!!

The Shot Heard 'Round the World

2007-11-12T16:52:00.001-06:00

Lucky finally knows the truth (thank God) and did you see that shot he got in on Jason??!!

I am beyond relieved that this "secret" is finally out in the open and I am so pleased (I know you don't see me say that much) that Lucky was allowed to react appropriately. The way he's been written recently, I figured he'd have to play the sad puppy dog, say that he knew all along that Jake wasn't his and walk out with his tail between his legs. Two, three scenes tops before Elizabeth and Jason started making out. Not that I don't have any faith in the power that be's ability to write characters equally or anything.

So my heart absolutely broke for Lucky as he worked through the stage of denial. I mean, the poor guy actually thought Jason was behind all of this. He believed Jason was forcing Elizabeth into helping him steal "his son." It broke my heart because after everything Elizabeth has done to Lucky, he still had faith that she would never hurt him this way.

Watching the denial turn into anger was a thing of beauty. Lucky called Liz a quote "lying whore!" (although that may not be the correct term for the situation, I'm giving my boy a pass because he was pissed and rightfully so). Then he punched Jason.........and we got to see it!!! Don't believe me? I have photographic proof:

Not only did we get a punch, but we got some verbal abuse as well:

Lucky: I should kill you right now you son of a bitch!

How does it feel to have someone threaten your life for a change, Jase?

Elizabeth went on to explain her reasons for the lie and while at the start she may have truly done it to protect Lucky, by the end, I honestly believe she was doing it to keep from admitting what she had done and tarnishing her halo. Therefore, her apologies seem hollow to me and apparently to Lucky as well.

Elizabeth: I was wrong. I was totally and completely wrong and I am so, so sorry.

Lucky: I don't give a damn how sorry you are.

Jason: Do you want an explanation or do you want to leave, because I'm not going to stand here and let you yell at Elizabeth.

Lucky: Well, then why don't you go ahead and shoot me right now because that's what you do isn't it? (to Liz)You wouldn't care if I died anyway, would you?

It was sad that Lucky thought that Elizabeth wouldn't care if he died, but after the way she's treated him, do you blame him for thinking that way?

So Lucky calling Jason a coward and a lawbreaking killer to his face was pretty sweet because he stood there and took it, but do you know what was even better than that? Spencer punching Morgan in the face. Oh you don't know what that looks like? Here, let me show you:

I know this is a hooray Lucky/Greg Vaughan post, but I enjoyed Sam pointing out that this whole mess started with Elizabeth's lie because Elizabeth actually appeared to feel guilty. I think that's been my whole problem with this storyline actually. Neither Lucky nor Elizabeth are completely innocent, but I could sympathize with Lucky because he came off as apologetic while Elizabeth came off as smug and bitchy.

When Lucky went inside to vent, Greg Vaughan once again broke my heart with the tears and verbal expression of what his character should do now.

Lucky: I held him, I watched him grow. I see traces of myself in him.......What am I supposed to do? I mean, what about Jake? Am I supposed to suddenly turn my back on him? I mean, how does that work?

By the end of the day, Lucky realized that Sam has known the truth for the while and I'm sure they'll be dealing with that tomorrow. I hope that Lucky finds out who's kept this secret from him including Lulu. I'd like to get a scene where Lucky tears into Lulu for not telling him the truth, mostly because it would nice to see someone yell at her for a change. I'm sure if I get it, it will be awesome, but you know what's even better than that? This:

Sigh. That never gets old. I wonder if I could get that blown up to poster size and put on my wall.

Just Saying

2007-11-11T23:21:00.000-06:00

Oh show, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

The biggest reason I hate you this week is because of how you're ruining the character of Luke Spencer. Luke FREAKIN' Spencer!! Have you no shame? First, Lucky goes missing, which by the way is getting annoying because it is now totally cliché that Lucky is constantly dying or missing. Lucky is unlucky we get the joke so please STOP IT!! Anyway, Luke's kid is missing, but does he go after him? No. He stays put in the stupid ballroom. Seriously? Wasn't it Luke Spencer who broke into the MetroCourt to save Lulu and was all screw everyone else I just want my kid? That's what I thought.

Speaking of the MetroCourt, Luke and Jerry's screaming match over what to do was ridiculous. Why should Luke listen to him? As a matter of fact, why should anyone listen to Jerry? Is everyone's memory really that bad? Remember that little hostage thing about 8 months ago where Jerry held Lulu at gunpoint?

This same man is now suddenly playing hero so everyone thinks it's alright to do what he says? Whatev.

Sadly, Luke Spencer spent the majority of the week doing nothing. He told everyone it was best to stay put and then did so himself. Um what? The real Luke Spencer tells everyone it's best to stay put and then he goes running in the opposite direction. You know, toward the danger. Tracy showed up, quite hilariously I might add, and while these two play well off of each other Luke's dialogue is quite frankly pissing me off:

Luke: Tracy, I'm serious. This marriage has changed me. It's kicked me out of the rut that I've been in for so long. And now, no matter where I go or how long I'm gone, you've given me something I never had before -- a reason to come back.

You didn't have a reason to come back? Um, what about the Haunted Star? Quartermaine boose? Barbara Jean? Lucky? Lulu? Oh that's right. The powers that be have decided to turn her into a banshee shrieking, mini Carly. Nevermind.

Finally, Luke goes after Zacchara (by the way, how did Z know who Luke was?) and in the middle of it he has a heart attack. Are you serious? This is your big cliff hanger? Number one, a heart attack is a complete ripoff of February sweeps when Alan met his demise from that totally unnecessary cardiac arrest (yes, I'm still bitter about that). Number two, I'm not concerned about Luke dying because

a) The writers are surely not that dumb. Thousands of loyal fans would quit watching which would cripple GH's already faltering ratings and/or the same fans would storm the General Hospital set with pitchforks.

b) Tony Geary would never let his character go out with so mundane an exit as a heart attack.

Oh no. The infamous Luke Spencer would go down with guns blazing. He'd single-handedly save the entire town by diffusing all bombs save one (the world's only bomb unable to be diffused) and while the counter ticked down he'd tell his angel he'd see her soon before singing "Happy Trails" or "Don't Fence Me In" with a cigar in one hand and a bottle of brandy in the other, at the very least. Why? Because he's Lucas Lorenzo Spencer damn it!

Another vet who keeps getting treated like crap is Alexis. Why must they keep picking on her? I mean appendicitis? Really? I'm wondering who Nancy Lee Grahn ticked off because I swear it looks like there's a contest going on behind the scenes to see who can come up with a new way for Alexis' body to continually betray her.

Writer #1 - Giving Alexis cancer even though she's never smoked? Been there. Done that.

Writer #2 - How about we give her appendicitis at the exact moment she's trapped on an island where it's impossible to give her an appendectomy?

Writer #1 - Brilliant idea! High five!

Another thing that irks me is why when the room is stocked full of medical personnel, did no one examine Alexis? Oh that's right. Leyla did. She's so fabulous that when Alexis told the nurse she was fine, she backed off without actually examining her. Does anyone else remember a certain incident on the night shift when a certain student nurse left an HIV-positive pregnant woman with placental accretia on an elevator with Spinelli so she could go chat with some patients in her native tongue? How does this woman still have a job?

On a positive note, Nancy Lee Grahn is a freakin' chemistry machine and I got to enjoy some good scenes with Jax and Ric.

How good of a friend is Alexis? She offered to wait, despite her agony, for Jax to find Carly, a woman who hates her guts. Well who knows where she is :::cough:::with Sonny:::cough::: so Jax decided to leave. He was last seen getting Alexis to safety (which wouldn't be necessary if the writers would quit trying to kill her from the inside out) and Ric is unconscious so that means no more interaction between these characters. Effin show.

Since I sort of got off on a Carly tangent I think we should continue. First of all, if Carly tells me one more time how Ric chained her to a wall, I'm going to scream. If this is how it's going to be, I think it's only fair that people like Ric get to throw Carly's past in her face everytime they meet.

Why hello, Carly. Remember the time you came to town with the sole purpose of seducing your mother's husband as revenge for her giving you up for adoption and then you shot him point blank in court? Good times.

Carly generally annoys me, but she definitely gave me some giggles this week when she told Sam to quit shrieking. It was a great pot/kettle moment. Ah yes and the winner this week for the best anti-Carly statement came from Jason.

Carly: What did you guys do to him, how much blood did you take? Sonny?
Robin: Carly, we are all guessing here. We don't have anything resembling the right equipment. We don't know --
Carly: So we have no idea when he's going to wake up --
Jason: Carly, please, leave Robin alone and help Sonny.
Robin: Jason, I'm sorry. I -- I thought he was fine.
Jason: No, no, no, you have nothing to apologize for.

Not only did Jason DEFEND Robin to Carly, but he told Robin NOT to apologize. The writers even took it a step further and had Sonny express concern about Zacchara hurting Robin. Someone remembered that these characters all used to be friends? Now I know I must be hallucinating.

While we're on the subject of Sonny giving Ric a transfusion, I want to go on record saying this does not make him a hero. He only did it so he could, excuse my bluntness, keep screwing Kate.

Sonny: I don't give a damn about my brother. I did it for you.

I rest my case

Spinelli's presence fluctuates from entertaining to annoying, but this week, he earns major points for knocking Lulu out.

I'm sorry but she talks WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY too much these days and between her and Carly I have learned the meaning of the phrase "Silence is golden." Unfortunately, Nadine told Lulu what happened once she regained consciousness which sucks because it means Lulu will start yelling again, but Nadine does get some points for some straightforward point she made:

Nadine (to Jason): I'm sorry, but I still don't see who put you in charge.

Nadine (to Spinelli): Just because you don't race around with a gun insisting on doing everything yourself doesn't mean you're a wimp. It means you're smart.

Did she just inadvertently call Jason stupid? Nice! Unfortunately, I had to take all those points back when she suggested that her, Spinelli and Elizabeth should all go outside to meet the gunman. Right. So, when can we start killing the newbies?

Finally, what's up with psycho Zacchara? Did he eat his Popeye spinach or what? How is it that Nikolas couldn't take him? I don't understand how he keeps getting away. I'm disappointed guys. I mean, tiny Maxie managed to get a good hit in with that vase. Oh well. Maybe next week. Oh and while we're discussing Maxie, Lucky, honey you know I love you, but was it really wise to leave Maxie to find her own way back to the ballroom when the psycho managed to snatch her from said full room of people?

At the end of week two, the body count is as follows:

2 dead handlers
1 dead servant
1 maimed D.A.

5 dead mercenaries

1 case of appendicitis

3 head injuries

1 heart attack

So the whole mercenary thing isn't quite adding up for me, but I don't suppose it ever will because fixing plot holes isn't high on GH exec's list.

I'm just saying.

Caps courtesy of Clarissa and Laurieluvsliason

Investigating 101

2007-11-05T21:09:00.000-06:00

Kendall's new plan to frame Greenlee was definitely an upgrade from her dumbass plan to secretly write fake journal entires on Greenlee's computer. It was about as ridiculous Amelia's you-killed-my-father-so-now-I'm-going-to-make-you-famous revenge plot on GH.

While it was an improvement, this revenge plot is as full of holes as a slice of swiss cheese so it's bothersome that the police department couldn't see right through it. Example: The first discrepency between the two stories was whether or not Kendall called Greenlee. Would it really have been that hard to snatch both of their phones and check the call log? It's not rocket science. Geez!

One thing the Pine Valley PD did do right was stick Aidan in a cell next to Greenlee. He assaulted an officer so he could keep her company. Awwwww....I heart him.

Just Saying

2007-11-03T14:12:00.000-05:00

It's time for sweeps again and this November, the big storyline is so innovative!!!!

...... that is, if by innovative you mean a complete ripoff of old storylines that really aren't all that old to begin with. Let's review shall we?

1. Giant ball at Wydemere (old Bacchanalia at Wyndemere circa 1998)

2. Massive storm renders people captive (hurricane that forces people to stay put at Alcazar's party circa July 2005)
3. Telling the story one hour at a time format (ripoff of February '07 sweeps which was a ripoff of Fox's 24)

Way to dig deep guys. Way to dig deep.

Le sigh. What's done is done so I suppose I should be happy for the few good scenes this show gives me and be thankful for all the duds that provide me with so much to criticize.

The whole angry Nikolas thing is interesting, but I think he would have seemed more scary if the only people he attacked weren't tiny women. Let's see, he held a letter opener to Carly's throat, held Sam over a ledge and shoved Robin and none of those actions are frightening because these women are not that big (sidenote: what's with all the violence against women anyway?). He beat up Patrick this week, but my complaint is why couldn't I see him stab Jerry? I didn't even get a flashback and I kind of think knifing Jerry was the least Nik deserved to do as far as payback goes. Why is it that certain people :::cough:::Sonny:::cough:::Jason:::cough::: can be seen beating up people day in and day out, but when it's there turn to get roughed up, it's done entirely off screen? It's not fair I tell you, not fair!

Something I do like about whatever this illness is, apparently telling the truth is a side effect. First Nik told Liz how it is:

Elizabeth: You know I couldn't be happier that you and Emily have found your way back to each other. But if either of you are hoping that attending this ball will do the same for me and Lucky, please don't, because it's not going to happen.
Nikolas: No, Elizabeth, you’re far too selfish to go back to Lucky.
Elizabeth: Lucky and I agreed that having a divorce is the best thing for our family. We don’t want Cameron and Jake --
Nikolas: Right, right, but you slept with another man and lied nearly a year, and now he's the one walking away from the marriage with nothing!

Then he dished some out to Emily, but it was really meant to have been said to half of Port Charles:

Nikolas: Wait, who the hell are you to trash my brother?
[Waltz music plays]
Nikolas: You and Lucky have been friends longer than anyone, but there's always that special someone who seems to be just a little bit more important.
Lucky: Nikolas, you don't have to --
Nikolas: I'm so sick of you sticking up for the almighty Jason, and for reasons that completely escape me, you want Elizabeth to be with him no matter who it hurts in the end.
Elizabeth: Nikolas, stop it!
Nikolas: Forget that his marriage is over, and that his sons might be exposed --
Elizabeth: Don't yell at her!
Nikolas: What?

Ah. I love the truth.

Overall the whole ball thing has kind have been just meh for me. It's probably because I'm bitter over the fact that there are no Q's at the party. You know, the party where Nikolas was announcing an endowment in Alan QUARTERMAINE's name. Seriously GH? WTH? In fact, there are like zero vets which is disappointing because I used to be able to count on getting my annual dose of vetty goodness during sweeps. I swear these execs are like vet Nazis.

No vets for you!

Seriously, when was the last time we saw Bobbie? I looked around the ballroom at one point and it was like newbie stew. I found myself asking who are these people? I laughed my butt off when Logan was talking to Nadine (random newbie) about being new in town:

Logan: Listen, if you didn't know this guy, why would you go out of your way to help him?
Nadine: Because he asked, because he was cute, because it's a masquerade ball, and it sounded like fun. Or how about because I felt like it, and it didn't seem like the end of the world? And if none of tho answers satisfy you, then maybe you're the problem and not this guy, whoever he is.
Logan: Whoa, whoa, hold on. You're a little new around here to be throwing around the attitude and judgment. There are things going on you don't even know about.

I love how he throws attitude around like he's lived here his entire life. He's only been in town about 7 months. Geez! This is probably why I'm all apathetic about this ball, there's a bunch of new people that I could care less about it. I guess the bright side to all of this is if there's no vets at Wyndemere, then there's no way they'll be murdered. On the other hand, being killed wouldn't be different from the screentime they're getting now. Sadly, I'd almost wish for a murder because at least then they'd get some time on air.

Another issue I have with this ball is why the heck is Trevor there? I get why the writers want him there, but couldn't they offer me a reason why? I think they covered everyone else's reasons for being there including Jerry.

(sidenote: Alexis taking him out of spite, funny stuff. Oh and his little comment:

Jerry: Ah. The wind is shifting. This night could get a little messy.

Understatement of the century)

Finally, for all that is good and holy, could you please stop with the CGI effects? It's embarrassing. If you don't have the money to do it right, then don't do it at all. I was seriously embarrassed for Steve Burton. I'm surprised he didn't walk off the set.

There were a few bright spots at the ball so far. I am a sucker for nods to history so I loved Nikolas dancing with Robin (although we should have seen it) and Lucky dancing with Elizabeth in the courtyard. Speaking of Liz, I loved her catfight with Sam, not because catfights are soapy goodness, but because I think Sam threw a punch instead of a traditional slap. See? Women know how to throw a hook too.

I also loved the adorable Robin/Maxie/Georgie bonding moment (Karen Harris, you're my hero!!). I love that someone remembered that just because you don't have several children and various babydaddies, doesn't mean that you don't have family.

Maxie sticking up for Robin to Leyla absolutely rocked!! I don't care that it was probably all just a ploy to set Nikolas off because I so enjoyed watching someone stick up for Dr. Scorpio for once.

Maxie: You could really use some lessons in subtlety, Nurse Mir.
Leyla: Excuse me?
Maxie: Oh, come on. That whole cute, coy act you had going on just so you could break up Patrick and Robin?
Leyla: Actually, Patrick was unattached when he asked me out. And this is your business because?
Maxie: Robin is my cousin, and you're a liar and a skank. Excuse me, I'm not done with you.

(Maxie reaches for Leyla and ends up yanking off her "pearl" necklace)
Leyla: Look what you did!
Maxie: Whoops. That was for Robin.

Bitch is so in.

Of course this is GH so someone's going to die and the first person to get maimed was Ric. This might sound twisted, but how badass is it that he got speared into the wall? Dude didn't even yell out in pain. I absolutely adore Ric and Alexis together so I'm crossing my fingers for some good Rexis scenes.

At the end of the first week, the body count is as follows:

2 dead handlers

1 dead servant

1 maimed D.A.

Does it bother anyone else how easily this soap kills people? Note to actors seeking work: If you're worried about job security, General Hospital is not the the show for you.

I'm just saying.

Calm Looks Good on You

2007-11-02T21:33:00.000-05:00

Greenlee and Ryan's little talk Wednesday definitely surprised me, mostly because it consisted of an apology, a rare act on soaps and from what I've seen so far, I'm guessing it's a rarity for Ryan as well. Something tells me Ryan's the type of guy that gets what he wants when he wants it and doesn't feel the need to apologize.

Overacting has been an issue for me with All My Children so that's probably why these calm, subtle scenes were so enjoyable to me.

This:

Was a nice change from this:The former is less distracting, wouldn't you say?

A Leave of Absence

2007-10-30T20:45:00.001-05:00

I wanted to apologize to the people who have stumbled across this blog and actually read it for the sudden disappearance of the Just Saying column this week. Life decided it wasn't meant to be, but rest asured, it will return this weekend. I'm sure with Sweeps kicking into high gear I'll have plenty to say about General Hospital, good, bad or indifferent..........but most likely bad because being critical seems to be my strong suit.

2007-10-24T21:40:00.000-05:00

Missing:
Dr. Robin Scorpio

DOB: October 12, 1977

Race: Caucasian Sex: Female

Hair: Various shades of brunette Eyes: Brown

Height: 5'2 Weight: 110

Missing Since: Fall 2007 Missing From: Port Charles, NY

Last seen: Happily enjoying a piggyback ride given by Dr. Patrick Drake

Description: Intelligent, compassionate, loving and organized. Major planner and analyzer.

Be on the lookout for an imposter who has been claiming to be Ms. Scorpio. This imposter exhibits uncharacteristic behavior such as asking guys she barely knows for sperm donations and keeps a blog that says insane things like "Damien Spinelli is the perfect genetic match" and "he possesses all the ideal qualities that I’d like my child to inherit" and "I’ve always wanted my baby’s father to be someone I trust and admire, and Spinelli is that guy." The real Robin Scorpio would never say things because:

a) Real Robin would not consider love of barbeque chips and orange soda and a tendency to spas out at any moment "ideal qualities"
b) Real Robin barely knows Spinelli and could therefore not "trust and admire" him since she does not trust easily
c) Real Robin would never ask a father to give up his own child given that she beliefs a father has every right to his child even if the parents aren't together (See Michael and Spencer who'sthedaddy storylines)

If you find Ms. Scorpio, please contact Mac at the PCPD. Call at anytime because he'll be there since that is the only place that be allow him to pop up.

Confessional Booth

2007-10-23T21:30:00.000-05:00

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I have broken my cardinal rule to never watch All My Children and it's all Aiden Devane's fault.

I grew up watching Days of Our Lives during naptime and that was my only soap until the writing became so crappy that I jumped ship. I stumbled upon General Hospital and have used it in recent years to feed my soap addiction. I was biased on principle against other soaps and while I never watched All My Children, I just knew that it was the lowest of the low - that's the rep I knew of and I knew it had to be true because of promos I had seen. Ironically, those ads that kept me away are the very things that sucked me in.

A while back I saw a commercial for Aiden and Greenlee's drunken night of sex and thought, "Hm, I'm bored. He's hot. Why not?" and THIS is what I found.

Um, if that's the therapy I get for a busted rib, I'd let him crack my ribs anyday.

So now I find myself fastforwarding through everything except Aiden and Greenlee scenes and feeling slightly dirty when I realize I'm actually watching AMC. My interest in this couple does NOT mean I suddenly believe AMC is God's gift. I still think the writing is lacking (but shows potential) and the actors don't always make the best choices.

I should have known that I was going to fall for this guy because he's related to Robin Scorpio (and I pretty much like all of her relatives) and he has a hot accent. I think these things are going to hold my attention for the foreseeable future, so for now, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the pretty. I'm sure the people in charge will find a way to ruin this for me sooner or later and I'm guessing sooner rather than later now that the baby crazy disease has migrated over from General Hospital and injected itself directly into Greenlee's system.

I really don't want to watch, but I'm a sucker for couples with a love/hate relationship and sexy, shirtless guys.

Damn you British accent!

The Taste of Crow's Feet

2007-10-23T17:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I take it back.

I take it all back.

I saw a promo for sweeps and everything I said about wishing it was November, I am hereby retracting that.

For those interested in checking the commercial out, here it is:

A bloody ball? What a great idea because you know, there isn't enough violence on this show already.

Just Saying

2007-10-21T23:17:00.000-05:00

Lulu is still an idiot this week because she got kidnapped.........AGAIN! Good Lord, how about some creativity? Lulu was kidnapped for the umpteenth time when she once again hitched a ride with Johnny Z. after having a fight with Luke over getting back with Logan. Her reunion with her ex is just one more reason why I can say this girl is an idiot. I will say that I felt an intriguing vibe between these two which is a nice change compared to Lulu's other chemistryless pairings.

Unfortunately I just don't have much to say because none of the stories are progressing.

*Sonny demanded a meeting with Anthony Zacchara (again).

*Jason saved Lulu (again).

*Lucky and Liz's divorce continued to disintegrate as Lucky filed for emergency custody of Jake only to lose all visitation rights until the mediation.

*Max saved Carly from Nikolas' letter opener.

*Patrick played tattletale (otra vez) as Robin asked Jax and Lucky to be her baby's father.

*After turning Robin down, Jax told Carly he wanted to have children (again) and she said someday.

Hands down the most unique scenes were the drunken scenes between Max and Diane. The two became drinking partners at the MetroCourt bar and commiserated about the lack of respect they receive from Carly and Sonny respectively. Their sympathetic ears quickly translated into sliding between the sheets, but thankfully Max put the brakes on. The flirting was humorous, but I think an actual romp in the hay would have just left me scarred.

Props to the director for that last shot. The Graduate reference totally made my day.

So in summary...... is it November yet? I swear, willfully enduring the slow-paced storytelling in between sweeps months seriously makes me question my sanity. Just saying.

Caps courtesy of: Clarissa and LaurieluvsLiason

Just Saying

2007-10-15T09:48:00.001-05:00

Due to the fact that I have to work because apparently I cannot be a professional blogger, this will be an abridged version of the weekly roundup. Think of it like watching GH on fastforward so you only have to sit through the bearable stuff.

Luke/Tracy - Luke came back (finally)!!! Did it seem like he was gone longer than usual this time? These vacations make me nervous because sometimes I worry he's going to see how ridiculous the show is think why bother? Luke found out about Lulu's relationship with a Baldwin and blew his lid.

Luke returning to Port Chuck? Cool!

Yelling at Tracy and Nikolas for not taking care of his parental responsibilities? Not so cool.

Lulu/Logan - Luke's arrival just happened to coincide with Scott agreeing to drop the charges against said rebel only if Lulu gave Logan another shot. I really don't have anything else to say because the whole Lulu/Logan thing has been disappointing to me. Too many missed opportunities.

Lucky/Elizabeth - Lucky threatened to file for full custody of Jake to shake Elizabeth up, but I think it's just going to send her into hyperbitch mode. She's been progressing along the bitch scale for the past year, but now I think she's going to take it to new extremes. God help us all.

Nikolas/Emily - Nikolas admitted that in addition to his fits of rage he's now losing time and it looks like he might be the one who stabbed Jerry. What is one to do when facing all of these problems? Why throw a party of course. Seriously? A ball is Nikolas' solution? Besides looking at all the pretty, I hate parties because they always end in disaster (MetroCourt anyone?) and this is clearly headed for a disaster. I'm sorry. Let me try putting my optimistic face on. Ahem. Shoving half the town into a ballroom in a fortress located on an island with a rageaholic and a various assortment of other wackos sounds like a great idea! Riiiggggtttt.

Robin/Patrick - Hooray for Robin for standing up to Patrick about her decision to move on with her life by having a baby! Now I love the girl, but I am a little creeped out by the potential babydaddy list because it just seems weird running around town asking for DNA. I say weird, you say progressive. Tomato/Tomatoe. I'm actually willing to look past this thought because I think we'll be getting some more jealous Patrick and I'm all for putting the shoe on the other foot.

Carly/Jax - This week they freaked out when Wes (Everyday Heroes guy) showed up with photos of them that had been sent to the studio. Apparently someone had taken pictures of them "fooling around" on the couch from Carly's cell phone. So, can you really do that?

Note to self: Forget about the upgrade to a cell phone with a camera.

Sonny/Kate - Kate decided start a new magazine and Sonny had Jason kidnap Johnny Z. In other words, I don't care.

Newbies - As if all the Night Shift crossovers wasn't bad enough, now someone thought it would be a good idea to bring more newbies to the ALREADY FULL AND VERY TALENTED CANVAS. First up, we had Jolene's sister Nadine and I find her annoying already. Then we had some new detective guy. Um, what was wrong with Cruz? If I find out Adrian Alvarado bailed, I will be sad, yet happy that he realized he deserves better.

In other General Hospital news, I ran across some ratings this week that indicated that the show had hit a new low in terms of viewers. Hmm. I wonder why. Let's see if I can break it down for you dear GH execs:

Low ratings means fewer people tuning in.
Fewer people are watching probably because no one likes what they're seeing.
Maybe, just maybe, you should consider changing your approach to storytelling.

I'm just saying.

Just Saying

2007-10-07T11:06:00.000-05:00

I finally found time to catch up on a week's worth of GH and I was thinking it was just whatev. I was all set to write about Diane's honesty with Sonny and Lulu's continuing idiotic behavior (I will get to that later) and then I got to Friday's episode and a loud WTF? rang through my house. After seeing some of Night Shift spilling into daytime GH I was ready to throw anything from a shoe to the kitchen sink at my T.V. The only thing that saved the tube is that I would be too lazy to replace it.

I, like so many, was thrilled to see Night Shift come to end. Apparently Robin shared my sentiment.

Elizabeth: How happy are you to be done with night-shift duty?
Robin: Whew -- let me count the ways.
Elizabeth: Oh. Here.
Robin: Thank you. Oh -- unfortunately, the after-effects still linger.

What does that last apt comment mean you ask? It means that storylines are crossing over in a confusing and unsettling way from nighttime to daytime. For those smart souls who didn't tune into Soapnet for that travesty of a spin-off they would have had no clue what was going on. For any execs who want to argue against that, I have an example of a non-Night Shift viewer who watches GH and they were completely thrown by Friday's scenes.

Alright, so we have Lainey talking to Cody at the PCPD about her father's death, Andy and Kelly once again discussing their fuck date (barf), Leyla discussing having a date with Patrick, Epiphany talking about exploding ambulances, Leo limping from his Night Shift bullet wound and Kelly making out with Leo (didn't he turn her down on NS?).

So. Much. Wrong.

I thought Night Shift was this alternate reality that was separate from daytime GH and one didn't affect the other. Apparently Friday's writer forgot that rule. Look, when this thing started daytime Jason was in jail and nighttime Jason was a janitor. Janitor Jason could not have possibly crossed over to daytime, therefore anything he did at night could not crossover. This includes saving people in the shootout. Who thought this would be a good idea? Someone needs to find out and then tell them the next time they want to think, don't.

Alright, now daytime Robin is getting kicked around like her nighttime counterpart and while recently my plea has been "Stop Yelling at Alexis!" now it's "Stop Yelling at Robin." First, Epiphany yelled at her (I guess that's nothing new), then a student nurse sassed her (is it really wise given she just now became a nurse? Know your place missy!), Robin overheard said nurse announcing she was going to dinner with Patrick, and to top it all off, when Anna called, instead of getting to vent, Robin heard an explosion before the line went dead and now she's worried for her mother's safety.

Cruel world: 4 Robin: 0

Before I jump into more badness, this is the time in the program when I praise Diane's directness with Sonny. It seriously made my day.

Sonny: Time-out! Time -- time-out, boom! If you guys want to talk, make an appointment. Over dinner, mud wrestling -- [Ed. note - anyone else disturbed by this suggestion?]I don't care, but not on my time. You, sit down; you, out!
Alexis: Expect a call from the Spencers turning over the case to me.
Diane: You don't even want to know what you should expect if you decide to stay on this --
[Sonny sighs]
Sonny: Finally. As far as Trevor, I --
Diane: Has anyone ever told you that you are a self-centered ape?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diane: Every once in a while, you just might make some effort to pull your head out of your -- self-centered............ fog and realize that there are other people in the world who could use some assistance. Your almighty needs will certainly be met, they always are................ Ignore Trevor Lansing. Practice this much self-control. Stay calm and let his blood boil. It's not that difficult -- I do it all the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diane: What you are hearing is the very thing that irritates you the most, and that is the truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only thing better than this was Diane flying into a tirade when she discovered Trevor had Kate fired. She even took off her heel and chunked it at him.

Throwing a shoe? Awesome!

Something else that was awesome was Tracy (and Alan) visiting Carly. Ms. Quatermaine-Spencer was trying to get Carly to help her convince Lulu to move out of Jason's and Alan added colorful commentary as always.

Tracy: I do care. Lulu got her hear broken by that Logan. She needs a family environment.

Carly: Oh yeah and what better family than a controlling shrew, a greedy old man an overworked, grieving doctor and let's not forget the mud-wrestling maid. That'll straighten Lulu right up.

Alan: I'll bet you Monica could use a vacation. I wonder why Bobbie didn't invite her.
Tracy: Don't look at me like that. It's just a -- whew -- hot flash. Just you wait.
Carly: You're wasting my time. I have someplace to be, and I don't tell Jason what to do.
Tracy: You tell everybody what to do.
Alan: Wonderful -- red cape, meet bull.

Not so awesome: Nikolas' violent outbursts. Apparently he's been blacking out and since he doesn't remember these fits of violence, the writers are hinting that he may have killed Leticia. Crap. The poor guy finally gets a storyline and this is what you hand him? Oh, and I don't care what is wrong with him. Nothing you say or do can make this okay:

Nikolas: I know that you think your divorce is the end of the world for you, but for God's sakes, Lucky, you have two kids, a career and your health and guess what? You get to get it on with Sam McCall too! So what the hell are you complaining about?

Inappropriate! Sam is your flippin' cousin, man!

Speaking of Lucky, his divorce turned ugly this week as Elizabeth refused to agree to Alexis' handling their divorce. The argument deteriorated as both began listing off their transgressions, but Liz couldn't seem to take to responsibility for her actions. I'm not sure who thinks we find this entertaining. I repeat. Taking a once well-loved couple and tearing them to shreds just so you can play musical beds is not okay.

Meanwhile, Jason continued to have Spinelli investigate the Zaccharas. What about Stan? Anyone remember him? Spinelli's a total spaz and can grate my nerves, but I have to say, the message he left on Sonny's voicemail was quite entertaining.

Spinelli: Oh, I hate voicemail! Doesn't anyone have the common decency to answer their -- ahem -- good afternoon, Mr. Corinthos, Sir. It is I, The Jackal. I have patiently heeded your warnings and avoided direct phone contact between us, but The Jackal fears there is much danger, and since Stone Cold is curiously incommunicado -- look, I -- I just -- at the risk of your wrath, I ask you to return my call when you receive this message. Many sincere thanks. With love, The Jackal.

With love? OMG that's priceless!

Lulu continued acting ridiculous this week as she defended Johnny to various people. Carly had been texting Johnny Z., the newest guy interested in Lulu (because we didn't have enough already) pretending to be Lulu and of course like all of Carly's plans, this one fell apart when Zacchara Jr. pulled out a gun. Jax rode in to save the day and Johnny's keepers helped haul him away (that rhymes, hee!). When Lulu found out she got all self-righteous and then contacted Johnny the second she left her cousin's house. During that entire conversation, Lulu sounded so idiotic that she made Carly appear stable, sane and logical. Bloody hell. What is this show coming to?

This week was decent for backburner characters who were dusted off and allowed to come out and play.

First we saw Coop for about three seconds. Maxie invited him to dinner to propose they try and work things out, but when he didn't respond the way she wanted, she left.

Then there was Georgie. We've been seeing her more lately, but I wish someone would give her her own storyline. I think the Georgie/Spinelli pairing could be cute because he's quirky like Dillon and it would be somewhat reminiscent of Robin/Jason (good girl and the mobster). However, I hate that she's once again, playing second fiddle to Lulu.

Skye came around for two seconds to talk with Ric about making an alliance. I'm not sure if the execs want to pair these two up, but if they do, I don't think I could buy into it. Skye would be a great bad girl, but I think Ric has much more chemistry with Alexis which was evident in the following scene where Ric argues with her about hanging out with Jerry. What exactly does Jerry need a lawyer for anyway? I could totally get behind a Ric-gets-jealous-and-he-and-Alexis-get-back-together storyline. I absolutely hate how that couple was broken apart, but I would actually being willing to forget all that and I am not usually a forgetful or forgiving person when it comes to soaps. That's how much I would love to see these two back together.

I also have to say that Alexis does get some pretty fabulous lines from time to time. Example:

Alexis: No, he just did you a really big favor. I was about to dump you as a client, but now he's made me so angry that I've changed my mind. If any man ever tries to control me again by threatening to take my children, I will hand him his ass.
Jerry: Yes, I'm quite sure you will, darling.

I just really enjoyed that.

Rounding out our surprise appearances for the week is Scott Baldwin. He received the results of the paternity test and surprise surprise, Logan is his son. While there was really now buildup or shock to the results, the one thing I did enjoy about these scenes was the reference to Scott's history and family. I love family references and I would love to see more focus on the family throughout the entire canvas. That should be a fundamental part of soaps. I'm just saying.

GH Night Shift: Episode 13 - "Time Served"

2007-10-06T15:09:00.000-05:00

I............um..................uh.....................WTF show? Seriously, WTF was that? I can't even...........I don't get........... UGH!

Okay so the season finale pretty much followed the downward trend that this show has been following since Episode 2.

In the opening scenes we have Robin talking in the locker room about the crappy Night Shift.

Robin: I have learned to hate the Night Shift.

Word. That was the smartest thing I have ever heard anyone say on this show and I should have stopped watching right then and there because things got worse from there, like immediately. Case and point: Kelly's response:

Kelly: What you hate is that Patrick is sleeping with Leyla.

Real sensitive Kel. With such consoling words, who wouldn't want you as their BFF? In the first few minutes we also learn that Dubois is alive and has been in this "condition" for a week (they never explain the "condition" so I'll just call it a coma because that's nice and soapy) and the nurses are excited about graduating because they'll get to wear blue scrubs. I for one, was happy to see the pink go, but why must they keep the stupid matching pens hanging around their necks?

Jason is upstairs mopping the same spot outside of Toussaint's room and explains to Epiphany that he's keeping guard. When the nurse realizes that the former Saints singer could be in danger she gives Jason the okay to stay put and then tells the hitman if anyone gives him problems to send them to her. ...........................

Uh, Pip? His "problems" are generally armed and dangerous. I know your shouting has the ability to make an old man living on the Pacific Coast go deaf, but I'm not sure it will do you much good when a gun is being pointed at your head.

In the category of the dumbest things I've ever heard is Jolene saying she finds Spinelli attractive. Then again, she's a bit of a whack job so you know, the things she says don't always make the most sense. Oh yes, and then there was the irritating crossfades from scenes of Spinelli and Jason confirming that Jolene is the killer to scenes of said crazy nurse scheming evilly with Colonel Sanders in a dark room and for some reason during this conversation the Colonel decides to toss in "I used to love the Saints?" WTF? Apparently you didn't like them that much if you're willing to have the lead singer killed.

During the so-called "stars'" allotted one scene together per show Patrick and Robin actually discussed their relationship. You know, the committed relationship between two people who loved each other and fought so hard to be together? Oh right. I keep forgetting. That's on General Hospital. This is Night Shit (that's what I said). I can appreciate the scene they shared in the locker room because I could see hints of the sweet, sensitive Patrick I used to love:

Patrick: Well, I guess just, we have different life goals or..........doesn't mean I don't care about you.

And Robin actually stood up for herself:

Robin: I wasn't even sure that I wanted to have a child. If I considered having one, it was sometime in the near future. Then suddenly this woman comes into my life, she has a similar history to mine, she's having a baby and then she dies. Did I handle it well? No, not even close. But for someone who was supposed to love me, you made absolutely no attempt to help me or to even understand.

Hell, I think I was just glad that someone mentioned that Patrick and Robin used to have a relationship because you sure wouldn't know it from watching this show.

Downstairs Regina wheels another frickin' pregnant woman into an ER cubicle. As Kelly examines her, the pregnant teen from a few weeks ago enters the ER and suspiciously eyes these tough-looking guys in the waiting room. She nervously tries to get Kelly to move the pregnant patient upstairs to which the doctor replies that all of rooms in the delivery wing are full. Gee. Maybe it's because countless women have decided to have their babies at GH every Saturday for three months.

Anyway, it turns out her boyfriend Javi, is a rival of the guys in the waiting room. The gang members who are sitting in the waiting room are hiding guns in their slings, just waiting to jump Javi when he comes in. Number 1, who the hell wears a blue jean arm sling? Number 2, why are the bad guys on this show always Hispanic? I mean, even on GH Sonny's rivals are always Hispanic. Way to not be stereotypical show. Great job!

So after the girl ominously whispers it's too late, a shootout erupts. Now, parts of it were done well, but seriously? A shoot out on Night Shift? I thought the whole point of this show was to focus on the hospital because the mob stuff has pretty much overrun General Hospital. ::sigh:: When will I ever learn not to trust people when they promise me things?

To recap the shootout:
*Leo was shot trying to rescue an injured medic (BTW, where was his iPod?)
*Patrick grabbed Leo and along with Robin and Leyla they helped save his life
*6 guys were killed and Jason and Robin thought Jason shot 5 of them (he probably killed all of them because he is forever the hero you know)
*Spinelli chunked his beloved laptop at someone as a weapon
*Jolene took a bullet for Spinelli
*Robin got captured after dashing across the floor (I think to pull Spinelli out of the way)
*Robin and Jason had some nodding moment (I think someone said this happened back in the day) where she ducked and Jason blew her captor away

Drama everywhere! And then .................. crap. Within two seconds everyone went about their business like nothing ever happened. It was insane. Minutes after the gun fight we find ourselves in Toussaint's room. During the shootout the former singer was having conversations with his younger self and I realized that he has good acting chops and should have held out for a better show if we wanted to make a comeback. As the janitor comes to, we now have Patrick and Epiphany joking and laughing with him, just moments after a FREAKIN' SHOOTOUT IN THE ER!!!! WTF times one thousand!!! During the gun fight, Patrick looks freaked out about Robin and afterward instead of checking on her, he's laughing it up with Epiphany and Toussaint. Why do I even bother?

Someone who did ask if Robin was alright was her Uncle Mac (nice to see you!). The thing that bothered me about the scene was there was no hug. Wouldn't he hug her? I guess it's small, but it bugged me.
Elsewhere in the hospital, Spinelli checks in on Toussaint and tries to explain that there was a shootout and that Jolene has been a very naughty girl.

Toussaint: You know, you've been known to get carried away son. That Jolene seems like a sweet girl.
Spinelli: Stone Cold apprehended Jolene as she was coming to kill you.
Toussaint: Has she been arrested?

I just loved the quick change of Toussaint's opinion of the seemingly innocent Jolene and the way he delivered that line definitely made me giggle. Something that didn't make me giggle was Jason saying it was hard to explain what he does (eliminates people for a living) and then Toussaint starts talking about talent (I think to parallel his life with Jason's) and that Jason has figured it out already. You consider killing people a talent? That's kind of twisted. Minus ten points, sir.

Of course as if the show hadn't been odd enough, it dished out a few more random moments:

The burn lady, who we haven't seen in weeks suddenly reappears sans bandages, but we never see her face.

Andy, who's been MIA all night, suddenly appears in the locker room with Kelly and they talk about their addictions. Kelly suggests they celebrate breaking their addictions by sleeping together in 72 days when she's completed her abstinence task and he's kicked his drug habit. Did they just schedule a f*#k date? Yeah, that's romantic and not at all disturbing.

Patrick and Leyla have some ridiculous conversation about waffles (cruel considering the Patrick/Robin breakfast convo early in the series) on the roof in front of that ugly fake sunrise.

Robin acts all cheerful with Jason even though she was being held at gunpoint a few hours earlier. Jason finally gets her to admit everything is not alright. He stares at the back of the burn victim for a moment before Robin walks him downstairs to the car.........................where Sonny's waiting for him. I knew they could not get through this entire show without a Sonny cameo! "A show that focuses on the hospital" my ass!

When Robin comes back inside, things really get freaky. She discovers that Patrick has a patient that was involved in a hit and run. The patient has a head trauma as well as internal bleeding and an abdomen that's firm and distended (sound familiar? Think MetroCourt crisis). Robin goes in to help and Patrick immediately tells her to get out and tries to push her back out the door. Robin argues and he says she's too emotionally involved when Leyla announces the patient's in dfib. They pull out a crash cart and you hear a "Clear!" as the camera cuts to Robin's who is wide-eyed as she stares down at the patient - herself. Suddenly, the eyes of the grey skinned version of herself lying on the gurney fly open and you're left with this creepy image of Robin staring at you as the screen fades to black.

And that's how it ends. A few conflicting thoughts here. So, can I assume that the writers took my advice to save themselves and decided to turn this whole mess into a dream? I'm sorry, but I've seen what destruction they're capable of and I'm not entirely certain I can credit them with planning out the whole dream thing at the beginning of all of this. If it is a dream, hooray because none of this icky crap happened. Then again, with a cliffhanger ending, does that mean there will be another season? If that's true, count me out. After this mess, I do not trust them to create a well-thought out show and if they're using the dream card now, chances are, they won't pull it out again.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Peace out Night Shift.

My Thoughts

2007-10-04T22:53:00.000-05:00

I haven't seen the show yet, but I wanted to share my thoughts anyway:

"Ding Dong! Night Shift is dead. Which Night Shift? The Absurd Night Shift!

Ding Dong! Night Shift is finally dead.

Wake up - disappointed one, open your eyes, the nightmare’s done.

Wake up, Night Shift is finally dead. It’s gone where mob enemies go,

Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.

Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low. Let them know

Night Shift is finally dead!"

Just Saying

2007-10-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

Lulu is an idiot. Really, that's pretty much what I learned this week and I could stop the review right there, but for you smart souls who have been tuning out GH lately, I'll fill you in. After getting rescued from Anthony Zacchara's psycho son, Lulu moves in with Jason and Spinelli and then proceeds to return text messages from said psycho. After that Carly came and gave her best "stay away from badboys" speech which was laughable given her history with men. Lulu commented on the ridiculousness of her cousin doling out relationship advice, so the youngest Spencer isn't completely nuts, but I'm still questioning her sanity because of her current intrest in Johnny. It's not like she doesn't know he's off, I mean, she said it herself. So now, why is it alright to be hanging out with him and like he's harmless or whatev? What's the deal yo?

In other freaky news, Nikolas continued pumbling everyone in sight and denying it, but we were finally given a little insight ala Alfred - Nik doesn't remember becoming violent. Hmm........ Is it too much to hope that this is going to turn into something soapy? Probably, but I can still dream. So the dark prince promptly headed over to GH and asked Robin to check his blood for traces of the poison. I'm a little bummed because that was my explanation for his weird behavior and since it was the first thing they tossed out there, chances are his outbursts are a result of something else. I hope that they can tie it to some past event - his battle with encephalitis, his amnesia - oh the possibilities!

While his family was busy dealing with their troubles, Lucky was across town following their lead and trying to cope with the destruction of his and Elizabeth's relationship. The couple finally called it quits on their marriage (again) and did anyone else find it a little harsh how quickly Elizabeth moved out and had divorce papers drawn up? After Diane served Lucky with the papers, he became a little suspicious that Jason's lawyer was handling the divorce and requested Alexis' help. That may be the smartest move you've made in months my friend. After looking over the paperwork she noticed that Lucky basically has zero rights where Jake is concerned and Lucky decided to hire her to represent him in the divorce. I absolutely adored Alexis' comment:

Alexis: I'd feel a lot better if somebody were looking out for you.

So true!

Meanwhile, at camp Elizabeth, the recently separated nurse found a new house in record time, but what I don't understand is how she expects to pay for it. Last year her and Lucky and Cam were struggling to pay for that tiny apartment. Now she'll have a house payment and another child to care for all minus Lucky's income. I'm not the world's greatest mathematician, but something tells me this just doesn't add up.

Carly, Jax and the boys (the only family left in tact in Port Charles) came back to town after agreeing they weren't going to hide anymore. While Jax tried to use his business savvy to protect his family from Zacchara, Carly caught wind of Elizabeth's divorce and instead of consoling her cousin (that's right, they're only related when she needs something) she went to warn Jason to stay away from the single mother. One of the highlights of my week was definitely Jason's reaction to Carly's anti-Elizabeth rants:

Jason: Shut up about Elizabeth already! You don't know what you're talking about.
Carly: Okay --
Jason: You talk about Elizabeth like she's nothing, like she's not good enough for me, but you know what? It would make me happy to have Elizabeth and her boys to come home to. But don't worry, Carly, it's not going to happen because they wouldn't be safe. I'd rather live alone for the rest of my life than risk anything ever happening to them! So you know what? You can act up all you want, throw your tantrums, defy Sonny, defy me, but don't ever talk about Elizabeth like that again to my face.

The image of Jason yelling at Carly is forever burned in my memory and that picture will always put a smile on my face. I don't care so much about his Elizabeth gushing, but what was fabulous about the exchange was that Jason actually told Carly to shut up, Carly looked hurt, and Jason actually took another woman's side against Carly. There is so much right with that scene that it's pretty clear the usual writers must have been on vacation.

While Jason was babysitting Carly, Sonny was trying to take care of Kate. With some help from Jerry, the Godfather of Port Chuck pulled some strings and got her off with community service at GH. Emily and Elizabeth pretty much summed up what I think about Kate working with Epiphany for the next 6 months:

I swear they must be having a contest over there to see who can pull off the best WTH? look. I say keep them coming because I am soooooo enjoying them. The only other stipulation of Kate not going to jail was that she has to wear an ankle monitor and instead of graciously accepting the punishment, Diane of all people went off on a rant - about the unfashionable qualities of an ankle monitor. How do I feel about the issue?

Any other questions?

Speaking of Diane, I have to say that her ability to switch from shark, to fan girl, back to quick witty employee not afraid to call out her boss the mobster pretty much makes my day.

Sonny: Trevor Lansing is employed by a dirty mobster, which makes Trevor Lansing dirty.
Diane: I work for you, and I am pure as the driven snow. You are going to save yourself a lot of frustration if you just accept reality, accept the fact that there is no upside to a continued fight with Trevor Lansing.

Hi-larious! And then there was this:

Sonny: Do you ever hear yourself, Diane? The whole world does not revolve around your impressive legal brilliance.
Diane: No.
Sonny: No.
Diane: Of course it doesn’t. It revolves around almighty you -- your business, your ex-wife, your children by multiple mothers. Your devoted enforcer, who eliminates people whenever, wherever --

I love how when she calls Sonny on his faults, it always seems to go over his head. Maybe if he wore taller shoes that could remedy the problem.

GH: Night Shift Episode 12 - "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted"

2007-09-29T10:04:00.000-05:00

Once I got passed the first five minutes of this show, the episode went down at lot easier than it has in weeks past. I think watching Night Shift is kind of like drinking alcohol - you drink enough of it and eventually you become numb to the taste and it's easy to swallow anything. Before I start tearing the show apart, I will however, commend the writers on a few good lines of dialogue and by a few I mean I could count them on one hand.

Since it's virtually impossible for me to root for my original favorites on this show, I've selected a new character to care about - Regina. I know, I know, I said in the beginning that she wasn't a very good actress and that I didn't care about the character, but I'm changing my mind for a few reasons:

1. Regina displayed Georgie-like compassion to Leyla despite the fact that the suckup has done nothing but be a bitch to Regina. Georgie rocks so with a little more displays of these compassionate tendencies, Regina could soon rock as well.

2. Regina said that despite the breakup, Robin still has to work with Patrick and because of that, she feels sorry for Dr. Scorpio. It's about freakin' time somebody did!

3. Regina: Hey, why don't you take a break? I'll watch the desk.
Epiphany: That's not necessary.
Regina: Nurse Johnson, take a break.
Epiphany: Yes, ma'am.

Regina not only ordered Epiphany to do something, but the serious nurse actually obeyed. I don't think I've ever seen that before and Regina even got a "ma'am"!!!

Speaking of Georgie, I was pleased to see her dad Mac wandering around, but peeved that he was at GH to arrest Lainey for the murder of her father. Cody just happened to be standing nearby (seriously, why was he there?) and decided to help Dr. Winters out. He conspicuously grabbed a bottle of pills and when he got caught, he went on and on about how we was the one who murdered Mr. Winters just to get revenge for Lainey not helping him. It was touching, I guess, that Cody took responsibility for his actions, it's just a little weird that Lainey was falling for a guy who assaulted her several times at the beginning of their relationship.

Elsewhere in the hospital, Jolene was stalked by Colonel Sanders and Jason (do none of these people have anything better to do than hang around a hospital on a Saturday night?). The Colonel wanted the double agent to kill someone else and Jason's super sniffer of truth finally started working and he began interrogating Jolene and her shady actions. Jason tried to get Spinelli to help him play detective and of course the cyber slacker was hurt to think the "Angel of Mercy" who deflowered him (eew) is a killer. Actually, when you think about it, it makes sense because when has anything involving Spinelli ever been normal?

In breaking news, Robin and Patrick had a conversation. Well, it was really more yelling than talking, but the point is that they interacted. Is it just me, or does it seem like they haven't shared any scenes together in weeks? Patrick seems to be fighting for some kind of resolution, but I'm bitter about it because I think it's just because he's grasping at straws now that his plaything decided she didn't want to play anymore (thank God because their scenes were about to permanently rob me of my eyesight).

Patrick's whole comment about it being alright if Leyla fell in love with him really irked me because of how nonchalant he was about the whole thing. It took him a flippin' year to be okay with the idea of him and Robin falling in love, but with Leyla, he's alright with the concept within a matter of weeks? If anything, I thought he would have freaked out at the prospect after getting his heart crushed the first time.

While we're on the subject, I also wasn't exactly pleased with Robin's comment about her breakup with Patrick.

Robin: After giving up Stacey's baby I've just felt so...ugh. blah, you know, like getting up in the morning isn't worth the effort.
Jason: I'm sure your breakup with Patrick hasn't helped.
Robin: Well, you would think that, but honestly he hasn't even crossed my mind.

Excuse me? At the end of Robin's latest "love sucks" spiel, Jason said, "Doesn't sound like you." Word. Robin Scorpio hurts. Robin Scorpio focuses on pain and loss. She may be focused on the pain of losing Anna, but the Robin Scorpio I know would also be focusing on the pain of losing Patrick. Come on writers. Know your characters!!

This week's patient once again was Toussaint. To help prepare for the surgery Epiphany called Toussaint's old singer buddies. The first two came in and reminisced about the good old days while the third band member came simply to wish his ex-partner dead. Apparently the two had a falling out over a woman named Michelle. To quote Anna Devane, "That's where the girl comes in. There's always a girl, you know."

During Toussaint's surgery, he of course flatlined and while the doctors worked to save him, the janitor had a flashback to his days as a singer. I liked this substitute for the ending montage because I thought switching between the younger version of the band to the present day version while they performed on stage was clever. I also enjoyed seeing everyone (from current doctors to deceased patients) in the audience. I think what I enjoyed the most was the fact for the first time in weeks, the characters actually looked happy. Happiness, you know, that emotion that's opposite of anger, hurt and pain - the only thing Night Shift seems to be about.

Of course, as this show always does, it took my momentary amusement and turned it to annoyance. The show ended with Toussaint flatling and I was left wondering:

1. Did Toussaint die?

2. Will next week be a continuance of this Saturday night and will I then find out Toussaint's fate?

3. Will next week be a completely new day and someone might make the comment that they're so glad Toussaint has gone back on the road to tour with the Saints?

Execs, did you not learn anything from the fiasco that was Maxie's flatline? I think the better question at this point is why do I even care?

Actions Speak Louder

2007-09-28T01:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes words cannot properly express thoughts and emotions so that's what facial expressions are for. Today, Ric Lansing provide with a couple of looks that will be very in this season. First we have the look of shock/WTH? Perfect for when you hear the phrase:

"Congratulations, Ric. You've just successfully placed Sonny behind bars for life."

Or what about:

"I'm really excited to see how to latest installment of Night Shift will tear down once interesting characters!"

There's also the look of pure confusion which would be appropriate when hearing:

"We've decided to kill off a beloved vet only to bring him back as a wise-cracking ghost in a track suit. It's a great idea right?"

It is also appropriate to use when looking at Michael Jackson or Britney Spears.

General Hospital actors have been providing excellent WTH? looks recently and it looks like we have another winner here. I'm suddenly feeling inspired. I think I'm going to find the nearest mirror so I can start practicing perfecting my own WTH? look. C'mon. All the cool kids are doing it.

Ridiculousness

2007-09-25T08:07:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Lucky's response to Lulu and Spinelli's argument that the detective's sister would be safer living at Jason's penthouse was:

Lucky: You know what? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

This was an accurate observation of the entire episode which gave us:

*Elizabeth (to Jason): When Jake smiles, I see your smile. - Odd considering that Jason doesn't smile. He just stares and on occasion, blinks.

*Nikolas: I did not, for the last time, throw a glass at you! - Ridiculous when said glass is still lying shattered on the floor and the alcohol is still running down the door which your aunt was just standing next to.

* Someone thought it was a good idea for Ric to go all the way out to a random barn to talk to Trevor. Why not just use the PCPD set?

*Lucky (to Emily): What do you think? You think she's right, about my marriage? - Why would you be asking advice from the woman that's encouraging her bestest friend and her brother to hook up while said friend is still MARRIED to you???

* The Quartermaines standing in Jason's apartment. I thought nothing could look more out of place than Alice standing in Logan's living room in her maid outfit. I was wrong.

*Spinelli: As point of fact, she -- you have no say over where fair lulu resides because she is a legal adult. - The cyber slacker spoke mostly English and actually had a point.

If that isn't a sign of the apocalypse, I don't know what is.

Just Saying

2007-09-24T09:07:00.000-05:00

As I looked over the events of this week, I felt like nothing really happened. I mean, I suppose it did, but it sure didn't feel like it. God, I hate the months in between sweeps because that's the time when they seem to drag on fffooorreeevveerrr.

Alright, so the major arc this week was Lulu running away. Maxie showed up at Logan's apartment and spilled the beans about their deal to sleep together. Lulu's recent crappy treatment of Spinelli has really been ticking me off so Maxie's reveal gave me such a sick sense of satisfaction. I really used to like Lulu, but now she's turning into a user like Carly. Spinelli's done nothing but fall all over himself when it comes to Lulu and the minute he disagrees with her on something, she kicks him in the teeth. I really think him and Georgie would be adorable. Their scenes are so cute as Georgie tries to find ways to spend time with him and he's too oblivious to see that she's hitting on him.

Logan was pretty ticked that Lulu left and later took it out on Maxie by shoving her up against a wall outside of Kelly's. Coop saved her and they talked about I'm not really sure what because I was so surprised to see that the former gunman hadn't died. I really feel bad for Jason Gerhardt because the potential of his character is being wasted. He's been reduced to the same wardrobe (cop uniform) and the same line ("I'm late for work") and I wouldn't be surprised if he was the next guy to get axed, which is a shame because his character had so many possibilities. I say he could die because I figure it's time for more deaths now that the GH execs are adding more actors to the already crowded canvas. The newest addition is Johnny Zacarra, Anthony's crazy son who picked up a hitchhiking Lulu. The creation of his character was totally necessary because you know, we don't have enough psychopaths running around on his show already.

Lulu's friends and family were understandably upset and Logan took the most abuse from Nikolas who tried to strangle him. The rageaholic continued his ranting at home and tore into Alexis (seriously, stop yelling at her!) and when she tried to walk away, he threw a glass against the door. What is the deal? Is this some side effect to the drug (I refuse to say the "C" word) that Jerry/Craig injected him with in the spring? I just hope this is going somewhere, but it wouldn't surprise me if it doesn't. What? It's been known to happen.

Across the lake Lucky's marriage pretty much continued to crumble. He and Elizabeth agreed to work on being good parents, but it was the most half-hearted agreement I've ever seen in my life. It's so obvious this relationship is over, but in case you weren't sure, consider this:

* Lucky and Sam slept together.
By the way - they have a steamy chemistry and the scene would have been hotter if not for the sleazy, dirty factor

* Elizabeth confessed to Emily that the love between her and Lucky is gone.

* Emily told Jason to go after Elizabeth.

* Jason and Elizabeth ended up in a barn, alone, together, in the middle of nowhere. Hmmm......wonder where this is going?

I was quite bothered by Emily's part in all of this because Lucky and Elizabeth are still technically together and I thought Lucky was one of Emily's oldest friends. I realize that Jason is her brother, but is nobody on Lucky's side, on anything?

When Jason wasn't playing hero or nursing the wounds from his "secret pain" he was playing counselor to Robin. The actors have a nice chemistry and I like this Jason, much like I enjoyed Sonny last summer when instead of bedding the town's newest female resident, ordering hits, drinking or smashing glassware, he was offering counsel and support to Lulu and Robin. This week Robin wandered into Sonny's coffee shop and into Jason who lent a supportive ear as she discussed her breakup with Patrick. When the doctor received a page, the hitman gave her a ride to the hospital and walked her to her floor, which Patrick saw. If the neurosurgeon ever tries to pull that "I don't get jealous" I will call B.S. because he was visibly not pleased. I don't want their breakup to be reduced to stupid games of who can hurt who the worst, but it was nice to see how Patrick liked having the shoe on the other foot for once.

Robin was paged to check on Kate whom Jax had brought to the hospital after finding her in her wrecked car. Turns out she was drugged because her blood alcohol levels were through the roof despite the fact that she hadn't touched anything. There's no evidence so basically she's screwed and her case has put Ric is in the middle of his father and Sonny. Trevor's urging Ric to nail Kate to stick it to Sonny while Sonny's trying to show Ric that Trevor's just using him. I really liked Ric Hearst's scenes this week because he's an amazing actor and I could actually feel the conflict and turmoil and anguish that his character (who's written as scum) was dealing with. Kudos, sir. You are an asset to this show.

Once Jax left Kate with Sonny, he headed to the island (finally) to meet up with his family. Jax wanted some alone time with his wife, but it looked like it was about to be interrupted by someone with a gun. My money's on Jerry because he's never far behind Jax. Hey, Jasper, I know you're good sense was thrown out the window a long time ago thanks to the writers, but Jerry is doing is called stalking. Maybe you should take out a restraining order or just stop saving your brother's sorry butt so he won't be around to bother you anymore. I'm just saying.

GH: Night Shift Episode 11 - "Fools In Love"

2007-09-21T17:00:00.000-05:00

When a television show starts to make you physically ill, it's time to stop watching. I reached that point weeks ago and I urge annoying feeling a little nauseous themselves, to abandon ship. With only two episodes left, it's safe to say nothing's going to improve and the captain is most definitely going down with this ship. It's not worth it, unless your a masochist, in which case, carry on.

For future reference, Night Shift Patrick is dead to me. There really is no excuse for his behavior or I guess more accurately, the writing of his character. After overhearing Robin order Leyla to restock a supply closet, he accused his ex of reacting unprofessionally to the fact that he was sleeping with the nurse. Like all Night Shift episodes, there was so much wrong with this scene:

#1 - Yes, Robin may have been out of line, but her comment was the most believable thing I've heard on this show. No matter what your line of work, if you're the newbie, nine times out of ten, you're going to get treated like crap.

#2- Patrick's a hypocrite (and as you know, I hate hypocrites) because how professional is it to offer special treatment to a student nurse just because she's putting out?

#3- The fact that Patrick's sleeping with someone else. It's been like two weeks since his breakup with Robin! I would expect this from old school Patrick, but not post in love Patrick.

#4- Where's the HIV public service announcement? Patrick and Robin weren't even sleeping together on General Hospital when we had to hear about the risk and precautions of that possible relationship EVERYDAY. Seriously, spermicidal jelly is my most hated word in the General Hospital dialect, right along with counter agent, paternity test and father/mother of my children. I understand the PSAs were necessary because execs had to show they were being responsible, so why are they suddenly stopping? I thought this was supposed to be a medically focused show so where are my statistics? Where's the mention of the risks involved with the fact that Patrick has been sleeping with an HIV positive woman for the last year and a half? I know this is alternate reality (add that to my list of hated GH words), but you can't say that mean's Robin's HIV isn't still intact because you, dear writers, reminded me that she bonded with Stacey because of their HIV!!

I think Robin said something about the situation being sleazy and that earns a big, fat HELL YES from me. This show has turned into a giant sleaze fest and as such, is no longer entertaining. The "stars" of the show had few scenes last night, but if they're going to continue acting like jerks, I'd rather not see them and be left with the few happy memories of them I have left.

The entire episode was painful and hands down the most disturbing part was Spinelli worrying about becoming a sex addict. Really? Of all the things you could be concerned about, this is the issue you chose to fret over? What about your addiction to pot? Instead of worrying about your weed intake and how it's damaged your brain, you're worried about possibly becoming addicted to sex after one roll on the OR table? The only amusing aspect of this entire subplot was Jason basically running in the other direction in discomfort. By the way, props to Steve Burton's hilarious expressions.

My laughter over his facial contortions almost made me forget that fact that the unintelligible cyber slacker got his first piece of actions from a killer - almost.

The episode's title shouldn't have been "Fools in Love" because the only person showing an emotion that remotely resembled love was Robin toward that little baby, but I'll get to that in a minute. The title should have been "Addicts" or "When Good Ideas Go Terribly, Terribly Wrong And Cause the Audience Permanent Emotional Distress." Well, that's a little long, so we'll stick to "Addicts" and heck, they could even play Enrique Iglesias' "Addicted" during the customary montage, just in case the writers feared that they didn't get their point across. Everyone's favorite addicts, Kelly and Andy, were turning into the hospital's next dysfunctional couple as they traded insults about their respective addictions:

Kelly: You're sick, Andy. There's no way in hell I'm going to let you treat my patients. You could nod off and paralyze some poor woman.

Andy: While you're sleeping with her husband in the waiting room.

Kelly: Fine. Go back to your room. Hook yourself up for another dose and when they find you dead, I'll be sure to get laid in your honor.

Ah, amore.

When Andy decided to self-medicate during his shift, Jolene screwed up his dosage, but Kelly saved him just in the nick of time. While I'm talking about the angel of death, I need to address something that left me a tad befuddled. While Jolene was attempting to break into Andy's room, Jason caught her and she deflected his suspicions. What I don't understand is how Jason, the greatest sniffer outer of truth, couldn't spot a lying murderer when she's standing right in front of him in bright, pink scrubs.

In the category of things that don't make sense is Toussiant's test results. Patrick just now got them one week after the singer turned janitor collapsed in the middle of the hospital? Pretty sure Jolene isn't needed to make GH look bad. The staff seems to be doing a good job of it all on their own. Another confusing aspect of the show was Ford continuing to act like something akin to a human being. For example, he lifted Regina's suspension. Speaking of her, what was up with the "credit to [the] race" comment? Listen to me writers. Next time you want to take on race issues, don't. Ford also showed what I think was compassion when Lainey's father died. What the hell, show? Stop screwing with my universe! I am so not enjoying this "up is down" crap.

In a not so shocking turn of events, Lainey's dad finally moved on thanks to some assistance from Cody who shut off his machines. I was tempted to feel sad or moved by the scene because it reminded me of Anthony Geary's Emmy-winning portrayal of Luke turning off Lucky's ventilator (seriously, if you watch those scenes and feel nothing, you're not human). But then I saw Lainey's getting arrested for her father's murder in next week's previews and I skipped touched and went straight to annoyed.

Considering the crap she's been handed, Kimberly McCullough should be given a standing ovation for what she's done with the incredibly wanting material. Anna/Rebecca's daddy Curtis randomly runs through the hospital toward the end of the show screaming that Robin has stolen his baby and that he wants "the bitch arrested." Turns out that Robin has not stolen the baby, but has taken her to the roof where they can say their goodbyes and she absolutely sold that scene.

Robin: Have an amazing life, Anna Rebecca "Charmed One" Sloan. Believe in yourself. Um, learn from your mistakes. And don't be afraid to give your heart. And if it gets broken, don't be afraid to give it again. In other words, do as I say and not as I do. Oh, God. Now I really do sound like your mother. (Jason enters the rooftop) I knew that someone was going to find me up here. I'm glad that it was you.

Jason: Curtis is, is flipping out.

Robin: I know. I was going to bring her back before anyone noticed, it's just that ... well, this is the last time I'm going to get to hold her. I just don't want it to end.

Jason: I know. You try to memorize the feel of them breathing and the shape of their face so...

Robin: Yeah.

Jason: ...you have something to hold onto when they're gone.

Robin: Does it work? (Jason smiles ruefully) There's this theory that uh, early childhood memories come back to you when you're older in your dreams. I just hope that if she ever dreams about me, she knows how much I love her.

And she delivers this while she's holding a baby in her arms...

...and crying.

In a word - heartbreaking.

Yet somehow, no matter how awesome McCullough's performance was in that one scene, it can't make up for the mess that was the rest of the show. Oh well. Life is full of disappointments and I guess this is just one more of them.

Only 2 episodes to go. I say we throw a party to celebrate the death of this travesty. Anyone care to join me?

Just Saying

2007-09-17T08:53:00.000-05:00

Monday we continued with the latest murder on GH and the unfortunate victim (or fortunate depending on how you look at it) was Leticia #693 or was it recast #710? Oh well. Either way, the Corinthos boys are in need of a new nanny. The boys got the patented "she's happy she's in heaven speech," but Michael demanded the truth and when he got it, he gave a very chilling response:

Sonny: Leticia was killed, Michael. It looks like it might've been one of my enemies.
Michael: You have to kill them, Dad. I loved Leticia. You have to make them pay for killing her.
Sonny: That's not the answer, Michael.
Michael: I don't care. You can't let them get away with this.
Sonny: Enough! Leticia loved you very much. She wouldn't want you to grow up to be the kind of person who would want revenge.
Michael: They have to pay for killing her.
Sonny: It's not going to bring her back, Michael. It's not going to make you feel better. Revenge only puts a hole in your heart, and it hurts your soul.
Michael: It's not fair. It's not fair.

There are soooooooooooooooo many things wrong with the scenario. Number 1, if Michael is already giving out orders to kill for revenge, I think it's time to call Lainey. I'm sure she's on both Carly and Sonny's speed dial, right? Number 2, Sonny needs to learn to take his own advice. Later in the week, Trevor blackmailed Kate into breaking things off with Sonny and he got angry and threw a little hissy fit.

Sonny: Jason, why is it -- every -- when I -- when I ask that I want somebody dead, right, I have to defend myself.
Jason: Because not too long ago, you told me I was making decisions on pure emotion. This is pure emotion. It's personal for you.
Sonny: You're damn right it's personal! He ruined my mother's life! He's -- he's fronting for my enemy, he's forcing Kate to turn her back on me! I -- I don't like the guy, I want him dead! That's it! Now, I'm asking you to do it! I'm not -- I'm not going to ask you again! I'm just going to -- I'm just telling you, do what I need. Please.

The only thing that would have made this better was if Sonny stomped his feet and kicked a few toys for good measure like a real child throwing a tantrum. At this point I'm thinking okay you've made your point. Anthony Z. is a bad, bad, bad man because he killed a helpless nanny moving along. Um, apparently not. Here's part of Soapnet.com's Monday recap:

Jason and Carly jump into action to try and help the first murder victim.

First? As in there will be more? Eff. Seriously, if I wanted to see this stuff on a regular basis, I'd watch the Sopranos. This is a soap. A little bit of action is alright, but what about romance? Where's the romance? Oh that's right. You killed it.

The one recent bright spot for the show recently has been the A-dorable scenes between Patrick and Robin. Apparently the powers that be found out that this couple is one of the few romantic and entertaining things on this show and since it's their mission in life to make me miserable, they broke them up - AGAIN. I will say that breaking up over wanting/not wanting children makes much more sense than the ridiculous fake romance with Nikolas that was manufactured by Craig breakup, but the scenes were kind of disappointing. To start with, they made it look like Robin was neglecting Patrick because she chose to go to work instead of playing racecars. What really sucked was that the whole fight started because of a certain nurse that somehow found her way from the night shift to daytime General Hospital and slithered herself right into Patrick's apartment. The breakup seemed to be amicable compared to the demise of other couples, but what threw me was Patrick inviting Robin to dinner a day (maybe it was still the same day?) after breaking up. It's nice that he still wants to be friends, but I think he needs to give the girl some space. I mean, asking your ex out minutes after THE breakup, who does that? I guess the boy's new to the whole relationship thing so I'll give him a pass.

Robin declined the invitation and found herself at Sonny's coffee shop with Jason who offered a supportive ear. I think these two have a really nice, friendly chemistry so I found the scenes surprisingly enjoyable. All of you Robin/Patrick and Jason/Liz fans holding those pitchforks and aiming those tomatoes at my head wait just a minute. I don't think you have anything to worry about because the GH execs seem to have been working on the Jason/Liz pairing for quite some time and I don't think they're ready to scrap it just yet. I highly doubt after laying all of the groundwork that they would switch midway through and toss Jason and Robin together. Everyone just calm down and breathe. Better? Good.

Speaking of Elizabeth, this week she told Emily that she wasn't ready to sleep with Lucky because so much had happened. Meanwhile, Lucky was busy setting up a romantic evening for him and Liz. I was a little perplexed in these scenes because I thought we were in the Lucky's- angry-at-Liz-for-sleeping-with-Jason phase, so wouldn't it make sense that Lucky would be the one opposed to being with Liz? I thought she wanted to make things work. Oh that's right. She wants Jason and she's just lying to herself and everyone else. Nevermind.

After Elizabeth rejected Lucky's advances he heads over to Sam's and they hop in the hot tub and start going at it. I'm not sure what's most upsetting in this scenario; the fact that Sam is trying to seduce someone to get back at Jason you know, because that went over so well last year with Ric (my eyes! my eyes!) or the fact that after working so hard to get over being a cheater last summer, that Lucky's willing to do it again. I think what's happening here is the writers are really trying to make Sam and Lucky look like scum so Liz and Jason look like shining examples in comparison. Everyone's a fault in this situation so can't we just leave it at that and not turn it into a competition to see whose character can be destroyed quicker?

Continuing with the theme of messed up family, Nikolas talked to his cousin and brother about what they were planning on doing (is that a little incestuous?), but apparently it fell on deaf ears. Back at Wyndemere, Nikolas' dark mood continued as he tried to deflect Emily's suspicions that he was lying about where he was before dinner. Later, when Alexis moved herself and the girls in as a precautionary step, Jerry showed up looking for his lawyer. I'm surprised he found the time what with trying to save Jax, meeting with Trevor, discovering Kate was poisoned and choking Sam and threatening to kill her if she didn't seduce some information out of Trevor. Nikolas' reaction was far from hospitable. He immediately lept at Jerry's throat and tried to kill him. I don't blame the prince because I'd be pretty pissed off too if someone poisoned me for months, but what I am upset with him for is lashing out at Alexis. It's not only bad manners, but I think everyone should just STOP YELLING AT ALEXIS. Last year's scream fest at the dying cancer patient was about all I could handle and I see no reason for a repeat performance, especially from her nephew. Can we please just find out what bug crawled up Nikolas' butt so we can move on from his moodiness?

The one bright spot in this whole mess was the return of the Q's after being MIA for about a month.

Thankfully the Q's still include a wisecracking Alan who had plenty to say about his sister's scheme to breakout of Shadybrook.

Alan: If Father ever finds out that you manufactured the collapse of E.L.Q., your ass is grass.

Line. Of. The. Week.

Back at the mansion the typical arguments over who owned the house and that Luke Spencer is a reprobate ensued. After finally taking that DNA test, Scott and Logan returned to the mansion where the Q's tried to have Logan tossed out while forbidding Lulu to ever see him. Her response was to say they weren't the boss of her and that she was going to move in with Logan. Yeah. This is going to end well.

One quick little note before I leave you all. I'm a little perplexed by the powers that be's logic this week, not that that is anything new. The majority of your audience is women so does it really make sense to have female characters constantly degraded by having them exploit their sexuality to gain information for men or to be physically assaulted by said men? Obviously you don't know the answer so let me help you out: No, it doesn't. I think it's time to redefine what you view as "entertainment." I'm just saying.

GH: Night Shift Episode 10 - "Falling Star"

2007-09-13T23:51:00.000-05:00

This week's Night Shift was another hour of my life wasted, technically it was more like 38 minutes (thank you fast forward button inventor!). Anyone have his address? I should really send him some flowers. Alright, so I'll start criticizing, I mean critiquing in a moment, but first, I am actually going to give out a compliment - please try to contain your shock.

This week's random GH guest star was Diane and while I was pleased with her performance, I want to take this time to point out that the powers that instead of wasting airtime on all these NS and GH newbies, they could saved time and money by using deserving vets that play existing character who actually work at the hospital. For example, how about Monica? I think it's safe to say she knows her way around the hospital, wouldn't you?

Okay, so Diane was brought in by Jason to help out Robin with legal baby issues. Anna's real father, a creep by the way, showed up and wants to claim his daughter. Something about this guy seems off, perhaps the fact that
a) He said he didn't want kids, yet here he is
b)Stacey didn't tell him she was pregnant
c)Anna's inheriting some money that could go to him
Then again, it could just be the actor because if it's one thing this show hasn't been lacking, it's creepy actors. Anywho, Robin was trying to find a way to be a part of Anna's life which we know won't happen because noone on GH ever gets what they deserve (good or bad). I was glad to see Diane because it was nice to have someone who actually seems to be on Robin's side.

After she apologetically said there was nothing she could do, she got up to leave and as the camera pans over, I spot Epiphany. I think to myself that her and Diane have never shared scenes and it would probably be interesting because they're both so opinionated and then BAM! It's like someone ACTUALLY listened to me because then it happened. Apparently fashion isn't the only thing Diane is all fangurly about. She caught sight of Mr. Dubois and recognized him as a former singer for the Saints and then this went down:

Diane: OMG! I'm like your biggest fan!
Toussaint: :::what the hell kind of lawyer comes to the hospital in the middle of the night?:::

Epiphany: :::What is that bitch doing talking to my man?:::
Um, just what do you think you are doing? Can't you see he's busy?

Toussaint: :::Uh oh:::
Jason: :::Oh s&@#! Here we go:::

Diane: Now listen here girlfriend, I am just as big a fan as you are and I can talk to Mr. Dubois all night if I want to. (seriously, she was doing the "uh uh girlfriend" head bob and finger wave)

Epiphany: Oh girl, I know you didn't just talk back to me in MY hospital.

Epiphany: Now you listen here...

Diane: Excuse me...

(indistinguishable yelling while Jason scurries to the nearest exit)

::More yelling:::

Okay, so maybe I took some artistic liberties with the dialogue, but you get the idea. It was a sup rising dose of hilariousness which was good considering the theme of the night was awkward and painful. Just what does that mean you ask? Well I'll tell you.

Exhibit A: Spinelli having sex with Jolene. No, I did not make that up. How twisted do you think I am? Spinelli caught Jolene trying to sneak into a room and to cover, she started going on and on about how she liked Spinelli, but she couldn't say anything because he was a patient and it was inappropriate and some other lame lie (what kind of a spy is she?). Then she drug him into OR 4, (the one that no one likes as Spinelli informed us for the umpteenth time) and awkwardly started making out. It wasn't graphic, but the mere suggestion has left me scarred for life. You think I can sue the GH execs for all of the emotional damage this show has caused me and thousands like me? I should look into that.

Regina coping with her abortion was awkward too. Lupe, the pregnant girl (wow, this wasn't a popular theme was it?) a couple episodes ago came in and had her baby. Her boyfriend and two friends showed up and manhandled Kelly. I didn't see the purpose (not that NS has a purpose except to raise blood pressures of soap fans everywhere) until Jason swooped in and with an assist from Cody, saved the day. I think Jason should just quit the mob and become a full-time superhero. Can't you see him in a pair of tights and a cape? Hee!

After Jason mopped the floor with those guys (hah! pun!) Kelly delivered Lupe's baby and Regina was supposed to be helping, but instead her distracted state of mind caused her to mess up royally and get put on probation because of her mistake. I'm not at all trying to down play the serious emotional repercussions of an abortion, like all of the other newbies, I feel nothing for Regina. It's not because they're new, it's because their backstories were explained in 2 seconds flat.

Later on, Leo overhears Regina's problems and then tries to cheer her up by letting her help out with some cases despite her probation. I can't tell if it's because Leo knows what it's like to screw up or if someone behind the scenes thought "Hey, let's put these two in a relationship. This week they'll talk, next week they'll sleep together, the following week, they'll break up. Great idea fellas! Let's cram as much crap as we can into the remaining three episodes no matter how ridiculous it seems. High five!"

Sorry, I drifted. Where was I? Ah yes. Nothing says awkward quite like climbing on top of the nurses' station in your skivvies and yelling wildly at your co-workers. In case you were wondering, this was Kelly's reaction to Ford and Col. Sanders telling her that Pablo's suit was being dropped because it was settled out of court. She was pissed that everyone believed Pablo's story and that Col. Sanders basically called her a slut. Throwing the nearly naked tantrum was her dealing with that and it was quite amusing until her hysterics ended in her collapsing into sobs. Andy was nearby and stepped in by throwing his lab coat over her and ushering her away. It was rather touching and I think they could be a cute couple, if this show didn't have such bad writing. In the following heart-to-heart scene, Kelly said she can't remember the last time she enjoyed sex (remember she recently slept with Andy so, ouch!) and that sex with random guys is a rush because it's the only time she feels in control or something. That talk, in a word - awkward.

After helping chase off the bad guys, Cody made a pit stop in Mr. Winters' room and the audience learned that the Alzheimer patient is only being kept alive by machines and that he's probably going to be shipped to County. With as much crap that's gone on at GH, is County really that bad? I mean who could it be worse than a hospital that has a murdering nurse on the loose? I digress. When Lainey spotted Cody, she just wrote him a prescription so he'd go away (inappropriate!) and at Cody's response was to react offended. Lainey realized he really did want to know about her dad's condition so she filled him in and he points out that the ventilators isn't what her father would have wanted which, judging by the previews, will be addressed next week.

Perhaps the most awkward interaction of the night was with Patrick and his latest favorite nurse. Here's the weird thing, I accused Leyla of coming onto Patrick last week, and she did, but this week, she was backing off and he was initiating things with her. What's worse was some of the stuff he was saying to her was a summary of things he's said to Robin in the past. Party foul, writers! Party foul! That was definitely hitting below the belt. But wait, it gets better.

By the end of the show, Leyla's changed her mind about keeping her distance from Patrick and the two of them are making out and heading for where Spinelli was headed earlier in the evening with Jolene. Thankfully, someone had mercy and the audience did not have to see that act come to fruition because the camera cut to Toussaint collapsing (falling star, get it?) and Epiphany yelling to page Dr. Drake. I've never been more happy to see a soap character faint in my life.

Night Shift Patrick is permanently on my list and this week sealed the deal. As if those vomit-worthy scenes weren't annoying enough, in the previews, Patrick is yelling at Robin something to the effect of "...taking it out on her because I'm sleeping with her." Um, say what? Wow, nothing says I'll love you forever like taking less than one week to move on from the so-called love of your life. I would expect this from old Patrick, but not from the guy who has matured so much emotionally in the last 2 years. I just don't understand why GH execs thought it would good idea to change these characters so drastically for this series. Actually, I'm not sure I want to understand because I'm thinking there must be some severely twisted logic behind all this.

The only bright side I can see to all of this, is that NS isn't supposed to directly affect GH. So once that last episode mercifully airs and my last NS review has been penned, I am going to forget that this thing ever happened. There's been an awful lot of scarring scenes and I'm it will be difficult to block out some of those images but I'm sure my good friends and Mr. Daniels and Mr. Cuervo will be happy to assist me.

P.S. : T-minus 3 episodes and counting

Just Saying

2007-09-10T09:26:00.000-05:00

General Hospital aired a re-run for Labor Day so short week means a short review. I’ve already discussed the adorableness of Robin and Patrick as well as Georgie and Spinelli and sadly that’s where the happy stops. The only other bright spot was the return of Alexis. I was amazed that they remembered she was related with Sam and pleased because I love familial scenes (yay), but then I realized it was only so they could drag her into the latest mob story (boo).

After a relaxing Parisian vacation, Alexis returned stateside only to discover that Ric’s daddy was in town and threatening to take custody of Molly. I really enjoyed the scenes between Alexis and Ric because I think there’s great chemistry between the actors. I loved the Alexis’ visible shock and Ric’s look of sadness when Alexis realized that her ex wanted her to have Molly. I’m still upset that they broke this couple up, but as long as they share a daughter they’ll share scenes. It’s probably a safe bet that they’ll be arguing in the majority of said scenes but I can deal because I think that’s when they do some of their best work.

Across town, Lucky and Elizabeth reminded me why I liked them as they cutely discussed having a pool party for the kids and having a water fight with the hose. Of course that lasted until Sam showed up, so about five seconds. She told Lucky about the new scary mob boss and how she didn’t want him and his family to be a target so he didn’t need to be her bodyguard anymore because she would find someone else. Meanwhile, Liz heard the whole thing and then in no uncertain terms told Sam to leave by walking to the door, opening it and throwing the bitchiest bitch face ever thrown by a bitch. Carly better watch out because I think she’s got some competition for best bitch face. (Real life is calling so I will look for the cap later)

Something that had me all confuzzled this week was Lucky’s brother Nikolas. He’s suddenly gotten all moody and is lashing out at everyone. Apparently it’s over some secret project that only Alfred knows about. I’d be excited, but considering the last ridiculous storyline they tried to create for Nikolas and Emily (the Craig/Jerry poisoning Nikolas story), I’m not.

So this week we were introduced to a new mob murder storyline (yawn). Anthony Zaccara’s nefarious plot was set in motion by Trevor and the audience was treated to Nikolas getting pulled over, Jax injured from a car bomb, and a murder in Carly‘s house. The ex-mob moll’s nanny Leticia fell victim to the new mob’s henchman, but I’m not sure if she’ll be the only victim or if this murder spree is only getting started. Just in case it’s the latter, I say supporting characters beware. I’m talking to you Alfred, Bernie, Max, Milo, waitress at the Metro Court restaurant. Think about it. We haven’t seen Leticia in a while and when they did bring her back, it was just to kill her. GH has been pretty consistent with that tactic (i.e. Diego, Alan, Lorenzo) so I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised.

I found it amusing that Carly certainly didn’t seem to be too upset when she stumbled across her ex-nanny’s dead body on her living room floor. I suppose I really shouldn’t have been that surprised because it’s not like it’s the first time she’s witnessed violence and murder and unfortunately, the same can be said for the audience. My only concern with this storyline is that it will result in the death of an undeserving vet that isn’t linked to the mob because the vets are some of my favorite characters. Even if I was a huge fan of the mob characters, I wouldn’t be concerned for their safety because none of the main characters in the Port Charles mob actual die. I think if you suggested the idea to the writers they’d call you a blasphemer. I mean why would the people directly and constantly involved in the violence be killed even though they are at a higher risk? That would just be silly.

In all seriousness, must we bring another mob boss into town? Even with Lorenzo’s death earlier in the summer, you still have plenty of bad guys. There’s crazy Helena Cassadine, smarmy Scotty Baldwin, psycho Jerry Jax and the suspicious Father Ruiz. Remember him? Manny’s twin? What ever happened to that guy? You know you were just itching to turn him evil because Robert LaSardo is a kick-ass villain.

Let me clarify by saying I’m not opposed to the idea of action and such on a soap, but what I am opposed to is redundancy. How about just this once the powers that be try flexing their creative muscles and write up something that doesn’t involve another murder mystery involving the mob? You know, it really wouldn’t hurt you to try something different. I’m just saying.

Job Opening

2007-09-08T01:37:00.000-05:00

From the Port Charles Herald...

Wanted: Full-time nanny to take care of two young boys ages 9 and 4. Must have no life in order to be able to come when called, day or night. A nanny is essential because all three of the boys' parents are far too busy to be concerned with their needs. Applicants must be willing to fulfil every one of the children's desires no matter how indulgent they may seem.

Duties include taking the children to and from school, chaperoning them from one parents' house to another, reading to them, bathing them and basically the general raising of the children. Applicants must not be afraid to risk their lives on a daily basis and prior experience with firearms is a plus, but not a requirement.

For more information call Carly Benson Quartermaine Corinthos Corinthos Alcazar Jacks' assistant at (555)638-0911.

GH: Night Shift Episode 9 - "Gutter Ball"

2007-09-07T09:05:00.000-05:00

If Night Shift has taught me anything, it’s that you can be a complete idiot and still get to write a television show (a sad discover) and that I should always trust my gut. The former is self-explanatory, the latter refers to my initial reaction over this show. When I first heard about Night Shift I thought wow, this is dumb. because:

#1 spin-offs never work unless you count Laverne and Shirley and
#2 didn’t GH already try this with Port Charles and didn’t it tank?

A few months later I heard Robin and Patrick would be the stars so then I thought

them + cable = hot

Then I heard that what happens on one show doesn’t affect the other and thought weird, but okay. And then I heard Steve Burton was coming aboard and I returned to my original diagnosis that this show, beyond a reasonable doubt, was going to suck. Last night pretty much proved my point.

I have never been so angry about a television program in my entire life. There is no word that Webster could supply that could accurately describe how furiously enrgaed I was and how much I hate, deplore, despise, abhor and loathe that poor excuse of a show. I seriously had to get a night of sleep in order to lessen my anger long enough to form a coherent sentence that was more than a string of expletives.

Screw all the random subplots, this week I’m focusing on the supposed stars of the show, or as I like to refer to them, the imposters.

If you were a Night Shift viewer who had never watched General Hospital, would you like Patrick and Robin? I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t. Since the first episode the only substantial scenes they’ve shared involved arguing and yelling.

So for all of you fortunate people who were lucky enough to miss the evening's debacle, the major highlights are:

Patrick & co. performed rogue surgery on Lainey’s dad
Robin was not part of the OR team because she had to meet with the social worker
Robin was given permission to temporarily take the baby home
Patrick and Robin broke up
Robin found out the baby’s daddy showed up to claim her
Patrick kissed Leyla

Naturally you’d think that I would be angry over the break up, but I wasn’t. It’s a soap and it comes with the territory. It was a bittersweet moment and I think both actors did a great job with what they were given, but I couldn’t get completely immersed in the scene because they already aired the whole thing in this week's commercial. Besides that, it was too short and Patrick just sat there like a mute.

Robin: We need to figure this out.
Patrick Yeah.
Robin: I just want you for a minute not to be defensive okay? Neither will I. I belive in fate. I believe that something bigger than you and I put this child in my life. I mean she shouldn't even be here right now. She should be going home with her mother, a single woman that's HIV positive. That's what Stacey would have wanted. You know what? Maybe I'm second best, but I am the closest thing that little girl has to her mother's strength.
Patrick:You should be nobody's second best.
Robin:I'm not ignoring your feelings. I didn't think I was ready either, but I held that little girl in my arms and I knew I couldn't walk away. I don't want to change you, I don't want to force you into something that doesn't make you feel comfortable, but I honestly don't think I could live with myself when I'm here, ready to love her.
Patrick:Then you know what you have to do.
Robin:I'm not choosing her over you, I just know that you'll get along fine without me, but I'm not sure Anna should or can.
(Patrick kisses Robin's cheek. Robin walks away in tears.)
Patrick:Robin, you're going to be a wonderful mother.

I felt like Patrick didn’t even try to fight for Robin. Maybe the writers were shooting for a " he loves her enough to let her go" scene but they fell woefully short because the surgeon just appeared lazy and almost apathetic. GH Patrick would have fought for Robin before letting her go. I felt like NS Patrick gave up too quickly. The fact that I have to distinguish between the two shows is a major issue I have, but I will address that later.

Timing has always been an issue with me on this show. Case and point in one scene Lainey was in the locker room chatting with colleagues, in the very next she was walking off of the elevator. I’m no art school graduate, but to me, that just seems like sloppy editing and poor planning. The timing that particularly irked me was the shift between lockerroom Patrick and rooftop Patrick. Lockerroom Patrick was sincere as he and Robin broke up and for the first time in forever I saw the real Patrick. He was devastated that Robin left and you could tell by the look on his face and the tears in his eyes. Three seconds later in the customary ending montage, he’s on the roof flirting with Leyla and then proceeds to kiss her because he "wants to." Back up. He just broke up with the supposed love of his life, yet he's able to kiss the pink tramp without a second thought? Yeah, that screams love.

I know, I know, the writers are going to be all well, "Patrick’s a playboy and he’s hurt." Um, no that doesn’t fly. You just spent the last year and halftwo years trying to convince me that Patrick is a changed man and only has eyes for Robin and that her jealousy is completely unfounded.

All I have to say is a big, fat B.S. to that !!!

Truthfully this would have been easier to take if Patrick and Leyla haven't been flirting for weeks. I could have looked at this as an impulsive reaction to being hurt, but now, I don't know. The lead into this makes it look pretty bad. I’m sure they’ll try and justify this later with an oh well Patrick and Robin weren’t technically together when he kissed Leyla so it wasn't cheating which to me, at this moment, is not even the point. The point is the time it took for Patrick to revert to form. It makes him look like an unfeeling ass, which I have been told countless times by YOU,writers, is not so. Herein lies my biggest gripe with Night Shift - the fundamental shift in the personalities of the characters.

I don’t care if this is alternate reality or whatever the hell you want to call it. Why as a GH viewer should I be punished for watching both shows? I watch soaps because I know the characters and I have a sense for who they are since I see them basically 5 days a week 52 weeks out of the year. I’m comfortable watching them. Why would you completely change that? To benefit a new viewer? How exactly does that work? I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t. Number 1, you’re alienating long time viewers who have come to expect certain things from these characters. Number 2, I can guarantee that 99% of the viewers watching Night Shift tune in because they watch GH. And number 3, any unfortunate new viewer who may have stumbled across said show, would have changed the channel in the first five minutes, because as mentioned before THE CHARACTERS ARE COMPLETELY UNLIKEABLE.

I will reiterate that I completely understand that drama and angst come with the territory, but this is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t get why the writers feel the need to be so completely self-destructive with characters all of the time or why they are so uncreative. A third-party is an incredibly unoriginal storyline and it’s a shame to waste something so lame on two great actors playing two characters with such interesting backgrounds that could be an endless source of intriguing future storylines. Why must the writers create another heartless bitch (i.e. Leyla)? She has been after Patrick for weeks which is not alright when someone is involved with another person. Adultery/cheating is so old and I can pretty much guarantee that no one enjoys watching it.

I am back to counting down the days to the end of this God-forsaken show, but I'm still a tad peeved because it looks like this crap will continue on General Hospital once Night Shift is mercifully ended. There are rumors flying (although it may have been confirmed by now) that Leyla will cross over to General Hospital and I honestly do not think I be able to swallow this crap on daytime. And how is this supposed to work anyway? Can we pretend that the NS stuff didn't happen? I mean GH Jason was in jail while NS Jason was a janitor so would it follow that NS Patrick is an ass and GH Patrick is sweet? What about the breakup? Since it happened on NS then are they still together on GH? If they're expecting storylines to crossover, then will they break Robin and Patrick up on GH just to even things out? Two breakups? Oh goody!

In all seriousness I do have one question and if anyone has an answer for me, I would love to hear it:

What the hell did we do to deserve this type of torture?

Dispenser of Wisdom is Right

2007-09-06T23:14:00.000-05:00

Georgie Jones is an incredibly underused character which is a shame because Lindze Letherman appears to be a talented actress (I can't be certain since she gets zero screen time).

When she finally popped up on my screen this week I was of course pleased to see her, but I love her even more now that she's willing to point out the reality of Jason's lifestyle.

Georgie: You're not Jason, and all of the shooting lessons in the world is not going to make you that.
Spinelli: But he could teach me to be more like him.
Georgie: I don't mean any offense by this, but why would you want to be? I -- you know, I don't know jason all that well, but from what I can see, he lives a pretty bleak life. And let's be honest -- he kills people for sonny.

So they do understand that Jason KILLS PEOPLE. It only makes it that much more perplexing that he is continually portrayed as a hero.

Georgie: Ok. Even if all the people that Jason's ever killed deserved it, it is still a relentlessly negative, destructive way to live your life. Spinelli, you are smart and funny, and, you know, obviously, you're a genius on the computer. But I can tell by the way that you talk that you read and you expand your mind, and you are curious about things. What's jason interested in? What -[Georgie sighs] Have you ever seen the guy enthusiastic about anything? I understand that he's brain-damaged -- and he probably can't help himself -- but why would anybody choose a life like that, especially you?

Do you see how easy it was to just state the facts? I didn't think I could have been more delighted with Georgie's insight, but then I was pleasantly surprised because I was treated to more of Miss Jones dishing out the truth today.

Georgie: What if Jason died tomorrow?

(Sweetie, Guza would never let that happen)

Spinelli: That's a bit of a harsh hypothetical.
Georgie: Oh -- ok, that -- that came out really harsh. I'm so sorry for that. No, no, this is in reference to the conversation that we were having earlier. Jason kills people for a living for Sonny. I mean, he is -- he's a hit man, which, logic would suggest, that other people are trying to kill him, too. Which makes him a target, which makes it very, very dangerous for you to be living with him. But that -- that's not my point. I know that broadening your intellectual horizons may not sound great right now, but it's really shortsighted. I mean, you don't plan on being a tech guy for the mob forever, do you?

Georgie is wise beyond her years, or maybe it's simply because everyone around her is made to look like idiots. Oh and by the way, this:

Adorable. I could totally get behind this pairing, as long as Georgie doesn't have to go over to the dark side in the process.

Nice to Meet You

2007-09-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

Night Shift writers, I'd like you to meet Patrick Drake and Robin Scorpio, the real ones.

The next time you want to write about an existing soap couple, I suggest that you get to know them before your attempts to write them makes them completely unrecognizable to fans.

Just Saying

2007-09-02T12:16:00.000-05:00

This week's General Hospital was like a messed up version of those couple game shows in the '60s. It believe it was called "Let's See Which Couple is the Most Screwed Up!"

Unhappy Couple #1 - Here we have the hopeless romantic billionaire who can never seem to get it right in the relationship department. His partner is the girl from the Florida trailer park who clawed her way up the social ladder. He likes grand romantic gestures and sweeping women off their feet. She hates vegetables, not getting her way and underwire support. Meet Carly and Jax!

Jerry "saved" this wonderful couple by killing his ex (I'm sorry, was I supposed to feel sorry for him?) and the first thing they did after being reunited was argue about Jax's recent sexual activity.

Jax: You're trying to accuse me of -- of cheating on you when I was forced into it. You slept with Sonny because you still have feelings for him, because you wanted to sleep with him. So if anyone should be called a cheater here, it's you, not me.

Hooray for Jax calling out Carly, but this whole thing was ridiculous. I was willing to go along with this story because the writers could explore the issue of male rape which isn't discussed often. I thought maybe the powers that be were taking the time to explore this interesting issue, but that was all shot to hell with this totally non P.C. moment:

Carly: When Irina held Jax prisoner, she amused herself by having him beaten -- which, I'm sure, was very horrible for him. So if I were a better person, I would be grateful that she moved on from torturing him to wanting to sleep with him. I me, it's not like Jax was a willing participant at all. I mean, he was basically raped. Don’t. Don't -- don't even look like that. It's not funny. Guys can be forced into it, sort of, especially when the woman in question is threatening to kill me and my children.

Jason laughed at the prospect of Jax being raped. I kid you not. Read my lips GH execs:

RAPE IS NOT FUNNY

If they want to turn this into a rape story fine, but you don't do that joking about such a serious issue. Way to be sensitive guys. High five.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #2 - She's a girl from the wrong side of the tracks who made a name for herself as the editor of a famous fashion magazine. He's a boy from the same side of the tracks as his high school sweetheart and is now the best "coffee importer" in the Northeast. She enjoys high fashion and standing up straight. He hates hearing the word "no" and drinking water instead of scotch. Ladies and gentlemen, Kate and Sonny.

In a gross, slightly incestuous turn of events, Trevor Lansing, Ric's father, came to town not only to do some scouting for some new New York crime boss named Zaccara, but to visit his old girlfriend Kate Howard. I was glad to see him force Ric into dropping Kate's charges because I really didn't want to have to sit through that trial, but other than that, I have no use for the character because he's clearly a giant prick.

Apparently Sonny was unpleased with these new developments because after seeing Kate kissing Trevor, he threw a hissy fit to Jason.

Sonny: I don't have time, Jason. Right now I got a lot of things going on, important things that are bothering me.
Jason: What is going on?
Sonny: I just saw Ric's father sticking his tongue down Kate’s throat.

Important things? So, Kate playing tonsil hockey with Sonny's stepfather is more "important" than say the war in Iraq, world hunger and global warming? Huh. Silly me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #3 - She's an ex-con who's decided to get back in the game to get her some revenge against her recent ex and his lover. He's a former Quartermaine heir who now takes orders from a man half his size. She hates empty liquor cabinets and Elizabeth Spencer. He enjoys playing with firearms and prefers to communicate by blinking instead of using his words. Let's hear it for Jason and Sam everybody!

After discovering that Sam was behind Elizabeth's accostal in the park, he decided it was time to pay her a surprise visit in her apartment and lay down the law.

Sam: Jason, I gave up everything to be with you! I was shot because of you! I cannot have kids because of you, and then you go and have one with Elizabeth?
Jason: You stay away from Elizabeth; don't go near her children or her again.
Sam: What, are you threatening me?
Jason: If you hurt them -- again -- in any way, I will kill you.

Wow. Between laughing at rape and threatening to kill the woman you supposedly used to love, Jason, your likeability points are well into the negatives my friend.

Sam: "Stone cold." "Stone cold" -- now, there is a nickname that is literally dead-on. Jason doesn't know how to love, and he will turn on anyone that gets in his way.

True dat.

Don't get me wrong, Sam's not completely innocent in all of this. Plotting revenge by sleeping with a married man isn't what I call innocent.

Sam: Well, I'm surprised -- you had the chance to warn Lucky and you didn’t.
Jason: About what?
Sam: Well, I told you I was going to get him into bed -- and I will.
Jason: Lucky doesn't deserve this.

Really, Jason? Preytale what does Lucky deserve and where was this concerned attitude when you were sleeping with his wife?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unhappy Couple #4 - She's a bad girl turned good and then pulled a U-ey back to bad. He's a cop with a heart of gold, but a brain that's turned to mush. She loves Jason and well....................Jason. He hates having to prove himself to everybody. Meet Elizabeth and Lucky.

Ms. Lizzie wasn't to pleased to find out about Lucky's extra job as Sam's bodyguard and I really don't care. For all of her complaints about her husband's affairs, I don't think it really matters to her what he does. I think she hopes he does sleep with Sam so she'll have a reason to leave him, because it's obvious to everyone that she wants Jason. If they try and make Liz look a victim when all is said and done, oh I can promise that someone will be hearing from me.

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Unhappy Couple #5 - He's the bad buy with a southern drawl and a chip on his shoulder. She's the rebellious daughter with a bad sense of judgement. He enjoys working for the mob in hopes of gaining money and power. She enjoys ignoring authority and going for joyrides in Mr. Q's Bentley. Here is Logan and Lulu.

Logan and Lulu were well on their way to sleeping together again when Logan stopped things after spotting Maxie spying from the closet. Um. Ew. To cover, he tells Lulu he wants to prove to her that their relationship is about more than just sex (yeah right) and takes her to a carnival. After a confrontation with stalker Maxie, who Coop pulled out of the bushes, Logan headed to Ric's office, per his command, and Lulu headed to Carly's for advice. Instead of meeting up later, Logan went back to his apartment where he found Maxie. She threatened to tell Lulu about their deal if Logan doesn't sleep with her, which he does. Wow. Port Charles men are so easy. Yeah, this realtionship wasn't doomed from the start.

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Unhappy Couple #6 - She's the quiet peacemaker who believes love will find a way. He's the real life prince that comes from a dark and twisty family. She enjoys making love on the living room floor. He hates psycho nannies and chasing twisted grandmothers across the globe. Please welcome Nikolas and Emily!

First off, it was nice to see these two strangers. It really has been a while. Okay, so for some reason Nikolas was hell-bent taking Emily on vacation this week. If I had to warrant a guess, I'd say he was arranging a proposal because that's what this couple does. The get together. Marry. Divorce. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. When Emily cites work as the reason she can't leave, Nikolas goes to the hospital and uses his weight with Ford.

Nikolas: Shut up and listen, because I won't say this twice. Emily will do whatever and talk to whomever she pleases in the hospital, and if you try and stop her, I'll just fire you, destroy your reputation, and make sure you're changing bedpans in the geriatric ward.

As much as I love the visual of Ford cleaning bedpans, what is Nikolas' deal? He's all angry recently. I'm wondering if his anger and her cryptic "I have something to discuss with you" are ways of setting up a story for them. Wait, I have watched this show before, so probably not so much.

This definitely looks like a repeat of last year's "Summer of Seduction" (aka Summer of Sleaze). I don't care how much you smoked, it wasn't a good idea then and it still isn't a good idea now. ::shrugs:: I'm just saying.

Most Brutally Honest Moment of the Week Award

2007-09-02T11:41:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe I almost forgot to mention this. No introduction is necessary because this little gem pretty much speaks for itself:

Jax: Does my wife tell you everything?
Jason: Whether I like to hear it or not.
Jax: Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.